A Week That Perished Worthy of Your 3-Day Weekend!
At least I hope it is...
A few of you noticed that I didn’t post anything last week. Well, regarding posting my reg’lar column, I hawked this Substack in that column and I got a bunch of new subs, so I figgered it would be pretty lame to hawk the Substack in a column, folks subscribe…only to get an email hawking the very column they just read that hawked the Substack they just subscribed to only to get as a reward the column they just read.
See, that’s how you get unsubs.
And then on Friday, when I normally post something original, I, well…I just wasn’t feeling it. Like most of you, I have my good days and my bad ones.
Tuesday’s column’s gonna be about my years in the casting biz (hey, you said you wanted more Hollywood stuff), and in 1991 I was auditioning this young Asian actress - total Valley Girl in the way she spoke, but looks-wise couldn’t have been more pure-blooded Chinese. Suzie was her name. She was just starting out in the biz, and she had a kind of compulsive nervous tic, an involuntary repetitive action that was distracting. So, being the conscientious casting director I was, I gently counseled her that she might want to rein it in before going on other auditions.
And she rather indignantly said to me, regarding the tic, “sometimes I do it and sometimes I don’t.” But in her Valley Girl accent it came off as “sermterms I derrit and sermterms I dern’t.”
And I recall thinking, isn’t that everything, for all of us?
“Hey, are you eating?”
“Sermterms I derrit and sermterms I dern’t.”
“Do you sleep?”
“Sermterms I derrit and sermterms I dern’t.”
In a way, that Valley Chinagirl laid bare the essential truth of life. Sometimes we derrit and sometimes we dern’t.
So, if occasionally I skip a week of posts, I will allow Suzie’s immortal words to speak for me.
But here’s what I’d love you to derr today - click on this week’s Week.
And as always, if you get a laugh or two, please BUY ME A BEER!
The Chinese Valley Girl reminded me of another cultural variation. When I lived in NYC I would encounter the Chinese Ghetto Thug. They were young Chinese men, that seemed to emulate the typical male black that resided in, or around the housing projects. If you think ghetto slang/ebonics is hard enough to decipher. Try listening to it with a Chinese accent
"Literally the only threat that wasn’t present was Godzilla. Yet conspiracy nuts still blame Mossad…because we all know that Jews can summon fog, ice, and rain at will."
Now I haven't read the talmud myself but schizophrenics on the internet have claimed for years that jews who study it can learn to cast spells that can change the weather.
Finally we have confirmation from a member of the tribe that they were right all along.
Apparently there's an incantation in the talmud that can summon mothra, a giant japanese moth monster. That's basically a stones throw away from being able to summon a giant bipedal lizard who can shoot blue beams out of his mouth.
What are the odds that Dave brings up godzilla right after admitting jews have magical powers? Pretty slim chances.
There's nine words in the sentence that mentions godzilla, the ninth of may was victory day in nazi Germany & they lost the war. The side that won the war used nukes that irradiated the water which created godzilla. The name david cole shares many of the same letters as the movie the davinci code, which sounds suspiciously like davinci cole, in other words dave code or dave speaking in code. Dave is well known for drinking liquor & as we all know anaconda malt liquor gives you "woooo" & anacondas are reptiles... Godzilla is a reptile.
Coincidence?
I think not.
The coded message is clear, Dave is telling us that the jews summoned godzilla to take out the helicopter.