My Unused Takimag Content
Wanna see it?
Years ago I realized that the key to enjoying the Taki’s job was to write compulsively whenever the mood hit. Full columns, The Week That Perished, so that I’d never have to sweat a deadline. I COULD write something new on Friday (my column deadline was Sunday night), or I could just use one of my pre-writtens.
Took all the stress out of the job.
After I quit last month, I was left with - believe it or not - SIXTEEN unused columns. That’s four muntz worth, if published weekly. And about a half-dozen unused Week pieces.
I never pre-wrote The Week quite as much, because technically those stories had to be current. But I would sometimes fudge it by reporting on an event that was actually a few weeks old.
I mean, does it really matter if LaSqueesha shot the cold-fries McDonald’s worker last week, or two weeks ago? It’s still a good story.
Last year a reader came at me like, “you call it THE WEEK THAT PERISHED but you just mentioned a story that’s TWO WEEKS OLD!” Well of course I called the guy a retard, but I also added, “dude, if you’re getting your news from The Week, you better rethink your life. The Week is comedy, not newswire.”
I wonder if Norm Macdonald ever had anyone say “I only get my news from Weekend Update?” I have a feeling he’d have called that guy a retard too.
Anyway, we’re VERY CLOSE with my new book/old book GiveSendGo campaign. We’re at $6,620 of my $10,000 goal, in only three days. I pledge, before God and man and LaSqueesha’s stank-ass weave, that if we reach $10,000, I will run EVERY unpublished Takimag piece right here, for free.
That’s 16 columns, and a half dozen Week pieces.
Including…the two FORBIDDEN Week pieces. The one I was ordered by Taki to pull several years ago, and the one I was ordered by Taki to pull last month, which in part led to me quitting. Both instances involved wealthy friends of Taki who did not care for my mockery. You can probably guess the obvious one, but the other will surprise you.
I’ll even throw in the column from May 2020 that was butchered (1/3rd trimmed) without my consent for being “too provocative.” It was the one instance in ten years in which I was told, “this is too hot for us; we gotta cut it.”
What was “it?”
Well, I’ll be happy to tell ya!
So c’mon, folks. We’re SO close to $10,000. And I’ve just sweetened the pot.
Together,
we're gonna find our way.
Together,
taking the time each day.
You and I...
Togetherrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
Let’s bring it home!
You people only have to give enough USD to get a total of $8,999. When that amount is reached I shall kick in $1,001.01 .
Of course you can be offensive. So what. Scroll on by all you ‘if you can be anything else in the world…be kind’ types 🤮 We still have the right to offend, and the god given right to offend. It’s like an American thing.
I was allowed to read anything I wanted from my parents’ vast home library. Mom would quip, ‘no girl was ever ruined by a good book’.
Anyway, for what it’s worth, that’s my take.