84 Comments
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Mike Carroll's avatar

Stern is a vile and repulsive creep who built his entire career on exploiting sad and vulnerable people for laughs (remember Dana Plato???) and gets a pass on it because he became a woke scold (like that other no talent pile of dogshit Jimmy Kimmel).

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David Cole's avatar

Truer words have never been spoken, Mike.

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Terry C's avatar

Mike, I smelled blood and came running! Couldn’t agree more.

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Harshkumar's avatar

The fucker Stern acts like he never was who he used to be...

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Ricardo's avatar

"Stern is a vile and repulsive creep"

On the Goebbels scale, he receives a seven. Eight, nine, and ten are for those complicit in mass murder, in addition to promoting farting competitions.

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Clarissa's avatar

Thank you, Dave. That's very sweet of you. You totally deserve some good news. You are needed, your work is needed. I'm so happy the universe sent you some much needed proof.

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noochness's avatar

Please don't let the house sale depress you, it's the best move you could have made. Already things are turning around in your life: you're no longer some Poe character drinking himself to death in a crumbling Grand Guignol manse. And people are noticing, people with influence, the Sharon Tays of the world. The sale is emblematic of the turnaround in your fortunes that has already begun. And your enemies are grinding their teeth over your breakout and what's to come.

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David Cole's avatar

That is a kind, kind comment. From a friend.

Pretty much what I needed tonight.

Thank you.

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Ricardo's avatar

"Please don't let the house sale depress you, it's the best move you could have made."

Yes. House ownership should be like owning a boat. The two happiest days are the day you buy the boat and the day you sell it.

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Myriad Mike's avatar

David…

If life has taught us anything, it’s - Never pass up on an opportunity to meet a gorgeous babe!

Sure, some times they disappoint, but other times they titillate!

Either way, in this day and age, it is refreshing just to see a real life beautiful woman, in the flesh, up close and personally.

They’re aren’t many left, they are few, and far between…and it’s refreshing, sometimes, just to see that they still exist at all!

Cheers My Friend! I’m glad we met the number!

Now tell me about Natalie Wood goddamnit!!

;~)

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noochness's avatar

Wow, I was convinced Dave was right in separating business from pleasure, but now I'm not so sure!

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Terry C's avatar

Hi Dave! I’m a little hesitant to bring this up—mostly because I know it’s not your favorite kind of suggestion—but please do consider seeing a dentist. I really mean it. None of us want to see you suffer needlessly.

By the way, Sharon Tay is definitely one of those women who makes you think, "If I were thirty... oh boy!" (LOL)

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Ricardo's avatar

+1 on the dentist advice. There is no substitute.

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Terry C's avatar

Hi Ricardo! After going through some serious “waiting-on-an-appointment” pain in my mid-thirties, I decided I was never going to let that happen again. I visit the dentist every six months, no matter what.

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Ricardo's avatar

Hello Terry!

Same here. It took me almost 25 years (only sporadic visits in between), and now I see him every three months; hopefully every four months, after the last visit. Not as expensive as I first thought, and worth every penny.

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David Cole's avatar

I'm gonna give it a few days - because at the moment it's not hurting. And I absolutely will go to a dentist if it hasn't resolved itself by Monday.

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Terry C's avatar

If you're to be spinning literary gold beneath the Gold Dome in this New Golden Age, we'd best ensure your dental work is up to gilded standard.

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SandyC4's avatar

Dave, Dave, Dave.... It's not weakness to need a lift sometimes. Or some help.

I imagine a lot of us had the same damn thought about them frozen fries.

As for the tooth, I have to vote for the dentist but when this kind of thing happens: WARM SALT WATER. Like immediately. If you don't have an infection you might be able to prevent one. It's good for inflammation, removing debris and bacteria. Pretty amazing stuff.

Things love to go wrong when you're trying to move. The universe has a screwed up sense of humor. It'll pass. You got good things coming your way. Like a book deal?

And thanks for the link to Clarissa's blog. I've learned much already.

So I'm just going to wish you luck for the next few days and hope that tooth is okay. Damn. Frozen fries. Who woulda thunk?

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David Cole's avatar

Yes, an ironic demise!

And indeed, as a man who hasn't seen a dentist in over ten years, I routinely do the warm salt wash. We'll see if it works this time!

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noochness's avatar

You might have white privilege if....

You get your teeth cleaned at the dentist twice a year.

All the guns in your house are legally registered.

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Terry C's avatar

Gotta keep up on dental care—especially when you’re armed to the teeth. LOL

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Anthony Brewer's avatar

THEM DAMN FROZEN COLD ASS FRIES!!!! NOW U KNOW BITCH!!! THAT WHAT YOU GET!!!

The irony.

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David Cole's avatar

LOL!!! Yes, it's a great irony. David Cole done in by a cold-ass fry.

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Anthony Brewer's avatar

If this had happened to someone else, it could've been ginned into a whole grovel-piece on how a single fry brought home the indignity and pain faced by millions of Black Americans living in underserved communities without access to healthy food options and medical care.

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David Cole's avatar

Totally agreed!!!!!!!!

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Kate Cahill's avatar

Dave-i'm totally w/you on your hatred of Stern! I'm not surprised that he invited your crush on his show and then ambushed her.

Things will look up for you soon. The whole empty house thing always leaves one questioning one's choices. Get ready for a new phase!

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David Cole's avatar

Well...I got no choice! The real estate guy jerking me around on the escrow closing/hard-out date has been less than fun, because it's like "oh, another night in my own bed? I'll take it." I thought I'd be out tonight, but looks like one more night in the homestead.

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Kate Cahill's avatar

everything in it's time, Grasshopper!

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Gunther Heinz's avatar

Wait a minute, you said you only liked the flat-assed blonde types. So I had the girls sing you a Christmas greetings, but never sent it!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HLJP274b_ks

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noochness's avatar

Man, that pegs out the cuteness meter to 10! Thanks so much.

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David Cole's avatar

For whatever reason, I'm not attracted to girls with accents (i.e. anything that doesn't sound middle American). Texan, Deep South, New Yawk, New Joisey, Bastan, and anything Europe or Asia or Bean. But I LOVE women like Sharon Tay who look Asian but sound 100% West Coast American. It's an odd fetish, but it's why when I traveled through Japan I was never tempted. That whole "ME LIKEY! YOU LIKEY" shit turns me right off.

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Gunther Heinz's avatar

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DWynJkN5HbQ

"I was born in Orange County." Found your woman.

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Sarcastic Cynical Texan's avatar

Would she satisfy your fetish?

https://i.imgur.com/wFQmAgR.mp4?_=4

https://i.imgur.com/4TFOmhQ.mp4?_=5

I personally find the Mongolian language to be quite alluring, Is that an odd fetish?

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noochness's avatar

A very lovely woman!

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Gunther Heinz's avatar

Mark Nishita made them famous in L.A. - but ruined their music. The bastard!

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noochness's avatar

OK, yeah, Atarashii Gakko! -- before they grew up and corrupt....

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Gunther Heinz's avatar

We gotta get Dave Cole to write the Atarashii Gakko version of THIS IS SPINAL TAP.

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noochness's avatar

"But this one goes to ereven."

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David Cole's avatar

LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Lucky Ned's avatar

Dave, I'll admit to liking Stern during his golden era of the late 1980's to the mid 1990's when the likes of Ted the Janitor, Crackhead Bob and Kenneth Keith Kallenbach made it worthwhile. Anyway, I'm sure you realize that if you ever had sex with that Asian reporter that you would be horny again an hour later.

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David Cole's avatar

LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Gina Nelson's avatar

Cold fries and David Cole. I hope your tooth gets fixed soon, please take care of yourself & I look forward to what you work on next.

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David Cole's avatar

Thank you, my friend!

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Ricardo's avatar

Okay, Mr. Mason...Sharon Tate? :)

Couldn't have been a better (worse?) timing. I was in the middle of a half-ass attempt to write a cold fry joke. I hope nothing serious is happening with your dead tooth.

As for Tay--she hot!

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David Cole's avatar

Oh God, she was SO CUTE on her news show. KTLA was experimenting with a looser format, where the anchors got to joke around with each other. In a way, a precursor to Red Eye on Fox. And I would look forward to every morning, with my coffee and Tay.

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Antoine Karidian's avatar

What is this thing these 40 something celebrity women are doing to their lips? It looks off, same as Meghan Trainor showed up 15 years later, after her 15 minutes of fame for singing a song about her ass, she's now doing TV commercials and has those same wax mannequin type lips. Some of these older actresses end up even more extreme looking, like Donald Duck.

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Texas Khaan's avatar

Thank you Dave, a nice gesture showing us Ms. Tay's lovely face.

The other me will get on my computer shortly and say something sarcastic ?

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David Cole's avatar

Thanks for bringing the fundraiser home, sir. You're a good friend.

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Texas Khaan's avatar

Dave, I saw the opportunity to do a good deed, I couldn't stop myself!

I wish all of this lightning would pass on by, so I can get on my computer instead of my phone.

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Sarcastic Cynical Texan's avatar

"We" couldn't help ourselves . . .

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Texas Khaan's avatar

BTW, Stern is a fuckin first class idiot.

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Sarcastic Cynical Texan's avatar

I was gonna get on my computer last night, unfortunately my power failed at 3 past midnight, and was not restored until 03:52. Have I ever mentioned how much I hate our Texas thunderstorms? I have really, really hated lightning and thunder for as long as I can remember. Last night's outage was due to lightning, a week before it was high winds, next time, who knows ???

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Brian P Henry's avatar

You should have put the question of whether to use the lovely Ms Tay to your faithful readers, and then done the opposite. No, in this case I think the whole sick crew would’ve been right.

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David Cole's avatar

Agreed!

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Ann Fan's avatar

I'm enjoying Clarissa so much already. (So damned) smart and pithy.

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David Cole's avatar

Yep, she's REALLY great and I was very happy to introduce her blog to my friends. Thank you!

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Martin Kaelli's avatar

Congratulations David (I’m a WRITER DAMMIT!) Cole.

I’m happy for you and I’m still processing all these sudden changes to your once staid, hermetic lifestyle.

And for good measure, Am Yisrael Chai!!

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