The “I Quit” Column I Never Published at Takimag

Presented here for the first time

Like Nick Fuentes ass-boning a tranny, life comes in you fast!

Sorry, “at” you.

After I decided to sell my house in early April, I also decided to quit Takimag. And I wrote what I thought would be my final column. I didn't mention any of this to Taki or his daughter; I still wanted to keep writing until escrow closed. And then, I figgered, I'd submit my final column and say farewell.

But like Milo Yiannopoulos at a Jimmy Walker lookalike contest, life came in me fast.

Dammit, “at” me.

As if they psychically knew I was itching to leave, Taki and Mandolyna starting twisting the screws. No criticizing Musk! No criticizing X! No more L.A. stories!

I wrote about that saga already.

So in late April I left for reasons different from the ones I thought I'd be leaving over when I penned the “I Quit” piece.

A piece I might as well run now.

Without further ado, here's my farewell column, written April 7^th, that would've marked my exit had Taki and Mandolyna not gone batshit a week later.

DISCLAIMER: It's a hostile piece to be sure, but keep in mind that it was directed at a segment of my Takimag audience, not you fine readers of my Substack! When I write “you,” I’m not talking about you.

I wanna say that one more time: this isn’t directed at you guys.

I love you guys.

Unless you unsub. Then I send you a “fuck off” email.

Anyway, here’s the unpublished column:

Dave Says Adieu!

At the climax of Dean Koontz’s 1983 novel Phantoms, the shape-shifting monster is defeated by genetically-engineered pseudomonas putida (an oil-eating bacteria developed by Raj-born JubJub Ananda Chakrabarty to dissolve oil slicks). As the beast retreats, the bacteria eating its flesh, Koontz describes the creature’s final moments:

It was condemned to a fate consistent with the mythology it helped create. It was bitterly aware of the irony. It would dwell in darkness and despair for the rest of its life—which could be measured in hours. Reduced to only a brain and minimal supporting tissue, the shape-changer cowered in a chthonian niche and waited for the end. It spent its last minutes seething with hatred, raging at all mankind.

Koontz’ll never win a Pulitzer, but that’s some fine prose. And it’s me right now.

During my five years with the abysmal Rosie, my supervillainous supermodel girlfriend who “outed” my past in 2013, whenever she’d push me to my limits, I’d remind her, “you know I faked my death to get out of marrying my last girlfriend, right? Does that tell you nothing of my psychology?”

I can always walk away from anything. It’s my only superpower.

In June 2003 I stripped naked at 1:00am in front of a San Diego lifeguard station and swam into the sea, leaving behind a suicide note, making sure to swim far enough to be out of security camera range, then shifting north and swimming to the spot where a Kim Basinger-looking actress bimbo was waiting for me with a towel, clothes, and a car that would take us to Vegas as the Coast Guard searched for my body.

Compared to that, quitting a writing gig is an easy walk-away.

Ann Coulter became quite cross with me last month, complaining that I’m writing too much about the Holocaust denial cult I inadvertently helped spawn when I was 21. I explained to her that I live in a unique hell. As an arrogant kid, I dived head-first into something that in retrospect I wish I’d avoided. There were Holocaust museums, especially in the post-Cold War East, that were displaying faulty and misleading exhibits. I was correct to oppose that, but I went too far, doing the propagandist’s trick of taking one correct thing, one piece of truth, and using it to reel gullible idiots into accepting a larger, overarching thesis.

Good propaganda always has truth at its core, for falsehoods to piggyback. So in 1992 I did a video-for-hire for the Institute of Historical Review using footage from one of my Europe research trips, and 33 years later that video is tweeted a hundred times a day, to millions of views, by accounts followed and retweeted by the wealthiest man on earth.

I also did two national TV talk shows, and those clips are also tweeted a hundred times a day to millions of views, by accounts followed and retweeted by the wealthiest man on earth.

I left Holocaust revisionism in 1994, having confirmed to my satisfaction the reality of gas chambers and the Nazi extermination program while, at the same time, identifying flaws in the mainstream Holocaust narrative that needed to be fixed. And when, due to that unpopular middle ground I found myself occupying, neither “side” would publish my work, I vamoosed.

Another walk-away (this one not requiring nudity).

When the putrid Rosie “outed” me in 2013 after I stopped financially supporting her, I had no idea that my 1992 work had spawned a cult of imbeciles. I had been out of the scene for 18 years. That there was a cult built around my early 1990s endeavors took me by surprise.

Cue Robert Foxworth in the 1980 film Prophecy, grilling paper mill owner Richard Dysart on whether he was aware that the mercury from his plant was creating mutant bears:

Foxworth: “Did you know? DID YOU KNOW?”

Dysart (bows head in shame): “I didn’t want to.”

Once Musk bought Twitter, the full extent of my cult became clear. Hundreds of morons with millions of followers – Jake Shields, Darryl Cooper, Dan Bilzerian, Stew Peters, Nino Rodriguez, Owen Benjamin, Candace Owens, Nick Fuentes, and Musk himself – used my 1990s content to promote Holocaust denial.

A hundred retards freezing me in 1992, a million cultists lapping it up. The irony being, those inaccurate Holocaust museum exhibits I railed against back then? They’ve all been fixed. I actually won those battles.

Me on the Phil Donahue Show, showing a clip of the room at the Majdanek camp that the museum displayed as a gas chamber in 1992:

If you're going to pack a thousand people in a room and kill them, you can’t have a door that opens into the room because they will be piled up against the door, where they died.

The Majdanek Museum website today:

Significant doubts are also raised regarding a statement that a chamber in the bathhouse was used for murdering people. The theory that prisoners were gassed here is further disproved by the argument that a wooden door connecting the bathhouse with the chamber opened into the chamber which - if people were murdered here - would greatly complicate the execution procedure.

But deniers rob me of the victory by pretending that nothing’s progressed or changed since 1992. These tards keep litigating arguments that are no longer arguments.

This would be tolerable.

Except...

I’m banned from YouTube (MediaMatters saw to that), I’m banned from having a book on Amazon because sitcom bimbo and Douglas Murray bestie Debra Messing led a Twitter pitchfork mob in 2021 claiming I’m a “denier,” and Wikipedia bans any mention of the 2019 judicial ruling stating conclusively that I’m not a denier.

So of course I use this column to vent.

But you seem to hate that.

Last month as I was arguing with Coulter, she yelled at me “stop writing about your hell!”

Okay, then; it’s time for another walk-away.

Two things sealed the deal.

First, Douglas Murray, the Spectator swish, went on Joe Rogan and repeated my talking point about the trap rightists are falling into by embracing Holocaust denial in the name of “just asking qwestchins.” But what he didn’t tell Rogan was that it’s his best friend Debra Messing who got my book banned, who got Amazon to ban one of the most effective anti-denial books on the market.

I’d emailed Murray multiple times over the past year, asking how someone who runs a site called “Canceled History” can pal around with a leftist who literally canceled a history book. The coward never had the guts to reply.

But Murray was lauded by “respectable” rightists for confronting Rogan...with talking points you fucks yell at me for raising!

Second, I got the idea to fight my cult via copyright strikes. I’m banned from YouTube, but my 1992 propaganda video isn’t. Wrap your head around that. YouTube banned me because I made that video, but YouTube allows that video while preventing me from opposing it.

A unique hell indeed.

So I decided to use copyright strikes to get that 1992 abomination removed from YouTube and X. I spent a month on this. YouTube was easy. I pulled dozens of uploads, receiving whiny emails from weepy deniers begging me to remove the strike. That alone made me the hardest I’ve been since my porn girl moved out.

But with X, I discovered something about Musk’s algorithm. If a Holocaust denier account has under 1,000 followers, I could get the upload removed, easy. But above 1,000? X won’t do it. The account has immunity, even from a legitimate DMCA claim. I had lots of back-and-forths with X admins, and there’s no ambiguity: large-following Nazi accounts can upload my entire copyrighted 1992 propaganda film, and there’s nothing I can do about it.

When you people, you precious imps, you naughty satyrs, follow Nazi accounts, you give them immunity, making my life miserable in the process. Even if you follow them “ironically” or because you saw “one good tweet” from an account that's otherwise...

Kill the Jews!
Kill the Jews!
Kill the Jews!
Lower our taxes!
Kill the Jews!

...and you're like “wait, did he say 'lower our taxes?' Not raise them but lower them? Holy shit, that's genius! I gotta follow that guy! Hey, get me Sowell on the phone. Tom, Tom, listen to this: 'lower our taxes.' Yeah, I just saw it on X! Groundbreaking, right? You gotta follow HIMMLERHAMMER1488! And get him a book deal!”

Yeah, that's YOU, you dicks. I can’t count the number of times a friend has explained to me “sure that account says 'the Holocaust didn't happen but it should've,' but it also tweeted 'build the wall.' I gotta reward such unique brilliance with a follow!”

And here we get to the heart of the matter: I’ve grown to hate you. And I cannot write effectively for an audience I despise. I’ll just end up lecturing, which will be tiresome for us both. Ann says “stop writing about your hell,” but how can I do that when my readers contribute to that hell? I can’t arm-twist you into realizing that Holocaust denial is poison, so I gotta vamoose. Because if I stay, every other column is just gonna be me scolding you.

You won’t enjoy it, I won’t enjoy it, so why do it?

I’ll leave you with a final nugget of wisdom that you can ignore as always. A week ago, Musk tweeted a Holocaust denial meme: “If the news is fake, imagine how bad history is.” This is an insult to the discipline of historiography, as it dismisses the hard work of every historian who’s labored to be factual. And it was tweeted by a self-described autist who doesn’t read.

So here’s one last scold: YOU’RE the bad guys. Because every time Holocaust historians have done the right thing and course-corrected, you’ve used it against them.

When the Auschwitz Museum, freed from Soviet domination, lowered the camp death toll, instead of you taking it as evidence that historiography was working as it should, with historians correcting the record, you were like “the fact that they admitted there’s a falsehood means it’s all false! Now I believe NOTHING!”

You’ve taken natural revisions, which happen in every discipline, and twisted them to sow suspicion and promote denial. You punish honesty, then wonder why there’s not more of it. When I left Holocaust revisionism, you didn’t take it as the intellectual growth of a kid who matured in his knowledge. No, you claimed that I was “compromised” or “threatened by the tribe” or “cucked.”

My 21-year-old self made this bed. I blame you, but I blame myself more. When the director of the Auschwitz Museum admitted to me in 1992 that the “gas chamber” shown to tourists is a postwar rebuild (the building had been a crematorium, converted by the Nazis into a bomb shelter, then “restored,” poorly and haphazardly, to a crematorium by the Soviets), I could’ve engaged with the guy. The museum was 100% wrong to not inform tourists that the building was a remodel job, but the museum director was honest with me. He allowed me and my camerawoman to do a two-camera shoot in his office.

And what did I do? I didn’t engage. I screamed (in Tucker Carlson voice) BAHMSHELL and I made that 1992 video-for-hire, boosting my already sizeable ego as a legion of idiots celebrated me as an INVESTIGATIVE PRODIGY! But all I did was set jackasses on the path of meeting honesty with scorn. I presented the museum director like “he’s admitting a lie! What else is he hiding? Maybe we should doubt EVERYTHING!” when the proper response would’ve been, “here’s a guy newly freed from Soviet oppression. His revisions should be greeted with appreciation, not used by ideologues to self-promote.”

When I saw Rogan co-host “Comic Dave Smith” (is that meant ironically? Because he’s never funny) respond to Murray with “well maybe we wouldn’t be questioning the Holocaust if THEY weren’t always lying about it,” I saw my own hand in that denial meme. Just as I see my own hand in my current hell.

“Condemned to a fate consistent with the mythology it helped create. It was bitterly aware of the irony.”

Yep.

And with that, off to my chthonian niche I go.

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