The "Z Man" Story

He wanted me dead. How'd that work out, asshole?

Okay, this is just downright odd. Eerie, even.

Thursday night I’m sitting in my hotel room thinkin’ of the next Substack to write. I try to alternate between my “homeless Dave” travelogues and matters of political or ideological import. And I sez to myself I sez, “one of the questions I was most frequently asked during my decade at Takimag was, “why did the blogger 'Z Man' get hired then abruptly leave with no explanation, and why have you long hinted at not liking the fella?”

Every time I was asked this, I'd always reply, “it's an internal matter.”

Because I'm a proper lad.

When I'm being paid.

But I ain't being paid no more, so I thinks to myself I thinks, “time to tell the 'Z Man' story.”

And I take about 30 minutes late Thursday/early Friday to write it out, with the intent of posting it on Monday.

Then Friday night I learn from Peter Brimelow that “Z Man” is now RIP Man. Dude upped and died before I could have the pleasure of knowing that he knew I finally told the tale.

What a douche.

Then again, how very “Z Man.” He'd go a long way to fuck with me. And dying is surely the best “commitment to the bit” one can have.

So here's what I wrote before knowing “Z Man” had become Ex Man. New material since I learned of his demise will be in bold.

Z Man, or ZMan, or Zman, or Z-Man, was a guy who wrote for Takimag for a few years. And I always made it clear that I didn’t like him.

But I never said why.

Look, unsubbers (the people quaking in anger right now that one piece of free content might not be of interest to them), this post is just for the many readers of mine who wanted to know why I didn’t like Z Man. If you don’t want to read it, no need to unsub.

Just don’t read it.

Christ, I hate that I always have to say that.

My only hope before my own death is that once, just once before I go DOA myself, I can punch an unsubber in the balls. I’ll die happy.

“Z Man” was a pretentious circumlocutory rightist blogger who wrote for Taki’s in 2020, then mysteriously vanished (his pieces aren’t even in the archive anymore). Back when I had my YouTube channel (before being banned) and I’d take questions from readers, I was often asked, “what do you think of Z MAN!” and I’d reply “not much, but it’s best I not speak of it.”

When “Z Man” vanished from Takimag, the questions intensified. “Why’s ‘Z Man’ gone?”

Same answer: “It’s an internal matter and I’d rather not go into detail.”

Okay, time to go into detail.

BACKSTORY

For those of you who remember “old Takimag,” back when we had an active comments section that rivaled Unz’s, you know that it was normal for our columns to garner 400 or 500 comments a day.

We had our own rogue’s gallery of comment trolls, losers who’d do nothing but post “sieg heil” under every column.

The top comment troll was an anon named “Z Man.” Nobody knew who we was, but his bluster and seemingly endless free time made him the superstar of the Takimag comments section.

Eventually, Mandolyna (Taki’s daughter) decided that the comments section was way too Hitlery for her high society friends. So she banned “Z Man,” and she asked me if she should ban all comments entirely.

Mandolyna always being Mandolyna, she’d already decided to ban all comments entirely, but she came to me wanting affirmation. I respectfully mentioned that, ugly as the comments are, they drive traffic. So of course she snapped at me.

I was expecting it; that’s just who she is.

FLASHBACK!

I never used to read our Nazi commenters, but I did know of “Z Man.” In 2015, the year I started writing for Taki’s, he announced that I should be murdered, “hanged,” for disrespecting Andrew Breitbart. “Hanging” was “all that’s left for Cole,” he wrote.

Rightists are always seeking someone to white knight for. Losers who never met Andrew nevertheless act like they’re his post-mortem guardian. But I, unlike they, knew the man, and my distaste for him was well-earned from firsthand knowledge, and something I expressed to him face-to-face.

“Z Man,” a hopeless romantic seeking a blowjob from Breitbart’s ghost (I guess that’s happening now), was very angry that I criticized the GREATEST OF THE GREAT (until Trump became the GREATEST OF THE GREATEST OF THE GREAT. You hero-worshipers…I swear). So he called for my murder in an August 14, 2015 blog post (he started his blogsite after being banned from the Takimag comments section, and soon enough word spread among the commenters that “Z Man” now had his own site!!!! O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!” they chortled being goy).

THE LITERAL BATMAN

At the time, in 2015, “Z Man” was a true MAN OF MYSTERY!

Who is he? Is he the hero we need, or the one we deserve?

“Men of mystery” are cum stains on a bedsheet. I hate that shtick, that pretension. After the “hanging” threat, it took me all of ten minutes to identify “Z Man.”

John Christopher Zander in Cockeysville (a Baltimore neighborhood).

To be clear, I’m not “doxxing” him.

Now.

In 2015, yes, it would’ve been doxxing. But a few years ago the guy’s name was exposed in a website hack. So today, it’s well-known. But in 2015, it wasn’t.

How’d I find it? And why’d I look for it?

Second part first. I don’t allow anons to threaten my life. To be clear, I don’t fear those anons, or their threats. Indeed, one of my biggest beefs with X culture is morons (left and right) screeching “I’m getting DEATH THREATS! Pity me! Pity me Marley, speak comforts to me. I’m as good as dead.”

No you’re not. Online death threats are as meaningless as they are numerous. I don’t fear them at all. But I like fucking with people who make them. Just because. Just because “Z Man” said “David Cole should be hanged for criticizing the God-king Breitbart” and I was like “I’m gonna fuck with you because I’m smarter and I wanna rub your face in it.”

I found his true identity because…have you ever seen the Escape from the Planet of the Apes scene where Dr. Hasslein explains time travel? How every moment in time is a “portrait” that can theoretically be revisited?

Well, the Internet’s like that. But it’s not theoretical. Every moment of your online life is preserved. That brief instance when in furious haste you publicly told your ex-girlfriend to “SUCK MY COCK, YEW WHORE” can be accessed, even though you deleted the comment. The five minutes the comment was up still exist, if you know how to reach back in time and grab it.

So after being banned from the Takimag comments section, Z Man, genius that he is…

I envy his bootlegger still, but he shouldn’t have raped Ned Beatty. Also, neckties don’t need glasses; human eyes do. If you’re putting glasses on your necktie, you may want to up your meds

…bought his domain name but didn’t buy privacy protection until an hour later. This BRILLIANT MAGA PATRIOT (bada-rump-bump-bump, bada-rump-bump-bump, wear a tricorn and vote for Trump!) left a one-hour online “portrait” in which his personal info was not protected.

So as Hasslein taught, I went back in time to find that one-hour window.

Once I got his full name, I found everything else. Home phone, home address, work phone, work email.

I gotta admit, I almost felt sorry for the poor bastard. I Google Earthed his apartment building and it was Baltimore squalor. Zander’s older than I am, yet he lived like a teen methhead. And with a job that was “beginner” for a teen but “dead-end” for a man in his 50s.

Trolling’s all he had in life.

I bombarded his phone numbers and emails with a “friendly” message:

August 14:

Dear Mr. Zander,

My name is David Cole, and I write a weekly column for Taki’s Magazine. I’m keenly interested in interviewing you regarding your “Zman” blog. I’m on a bit of a deadline, so if I could hear back from you this weekend or by Monday or Tuesday, that would be most helpful!

Sincerely,

David Cole

No reply. So, email #2, August 15:

I have done the proper thing in attempting to reach out to you for comment, and you have decided to hide like a coward. That is your choice.

For the record, many people have called for my death over the years, but they've always had the guts to say who they are. You, on the other hand, want to encourage my demise from the safety of an anonymous troll's hideout. You will not be anonymous for long.

Take care, "Z Man."

David

Immediately, Zander erased the blog calling for my execution. He didn’t just excise the offending sentence; he took down the entire post.

And I decided to let it be.

Look, I don’t like torturing bugs. With all of my bluster — mocking blacks and beans and trannies — I’m actually quite a softy. I don’t even kill spiders, because I look at ‘em and I’m like “aww, she’s just trying to live her live as nature intended. Go get those flies, sweetie!”

And once “Z Man” removed the offending post, sure, I could’ve publicly mocked him as a coward. But he was such a pathetic little loser, barely eking out a living at a minimum-wage job, it seemed egregiously sadistic to take away the one thing he had — his “tough guy” troll rep.

I let him know it was over. He removed the post, and I promised to keep his identity a secret.

WAIT, NOW HE’S A COWORKER?

That was 2015. Cut to 2020, and Mandolyna announces that she’s bringing “Z Man” on-board as a weekly columnist!

We’d just lost Goad. We did need a replacement. Mandolyna had by then ended the Takimag comments section, but “Z Man” had migrated all those Nazis to his blog site. So it made sense. Employing “Z Man” was a good move. We replaced Goad, and we got back the traffic from the commenters, but on “Z Man’s” site not ours, so we didn’t ourselves come off as Hitler Central Station.

Was it funny that Mandolyna was now hiring as paid staff a dude she’d banned from the comments section?

Yes, very funny. But between 2015 and 2020 “Z Man” had ingratiated himself to Jared Taylor and Peter Brimelow, who both vouched for him.

As a friendly gesture, when I told Mandolyna I‘d be okay with “Z Man” writing for us, I sent him an email as a peace offering, to discuss our issues and get past them:

10/24/20

Hello John Christopher,

It's David Cole from Takimag. The last time I reached out to you, you weren't terribly eager to speak. Perhaps the present time finds you in a more receptive mood.

I'd like to have a chat, “Z Man.”

David

No reply.

10/26/20

Hey John,

What gives? We're colleagues now. Please show your colleague the respect of a response.

Much appreciated!

David

Still no reply. What a coward! But a bug’s life is a hellscape of fear and cowering. So I let it go.

Let him live his terrible life. He capitulated on the death threat. Tormenting him further would be cruel.

And that was that.

Until August 2022.

DERBYSHIRE FUCKS UP “Z MAN’S” GAME

John Derbyshire you DICK! You totally ruined “Z Man.”

I’ve learned via Brimelow’s “Z Man” obit that he’d convinced Zander to move to WV, where his beard would guarantee him 40 acres, a mule, and Down’s Syndrome. I also learned that Zander would often help Derb with his “Radio Derb” podcasts. Which makes the next section even funnier, because nothing is more hilarious than a guy who wants to help but ends up harming.

On an August 2022 “Radio Derb” podcast, Derbyshire gave a major shout-out to “Z Man” about one of his Taki pieces. “Z Man’s new column is BRILLIANT! One I wish I’d written myself. Greatest thing I’ve ever read!”

Ah, the Tawana Brawley trap. When you fake something for a petty reason but your hoax explodes nationally, drawing unwanted scrutiny.

A Taki reader in Houston heard Derb’s podcast and was like, “wait, that ‘Z Man’ column Derb’s raving about sounds like one I read years ago somewhere else.”

So Houston Reader did some digging, and he found that “Z Man” had plagiarized that entire column. Yes, the column Derb brought attention to was 100% stolen from a better author.

Then Houston Reader did MORE digging, and discovered that many “Z Man” columns were pilfered.

“Z Man” was a serial plagiarist. And to professional writers, that’s child molester-level evil. It’s the worst thing you can do.

So Houston Reader sent Mandolyna his concerns, with links to prove his suspicions.

And she forwarded the email to me, asking me to look into it.

That’s what’s so tragic about how things ended with Takimag. Mandolyna always trusted me. I was compliant and loyal. Why she began sullying our ten-year working relationship this year, I don’t know. But in 2022, I was the one she put in charge of investigating Houston Reader’s claims.

Initially, I told her that Houston Reader’s links did indeed point to obvious acts of plagiarism; Taki was paying '“Z Man” but “Z Man” wasn’t doing the work. He was just copying older pieces that in theory were so long-forgotten they could be swiped without people remembering, or he was plagiarizing pieces from English-language foreign sites like Times of India and Indian Express.

But what he wasn’t doing was earning his paycheck.

Mandolyna asked if I could run “Z Man’s” entire body of work through the plagiarism detector software college professors use to scan term papers. I told her no problem. She said she’d pay me a bonus if I helped out, and I was like “KEWL! ‘Z Man’ has gone from wanting me dead to earning me dough!”

But I never got that bonus. Mandolyna asked “Z Man” about the accusations, and rather than defending himself, as any author of integrity would do, he responded “YEW BITCH YEW CUNT FUCK YEW I QWIT.”

That SOB…robs me of a bonus in 2022, and now he robs me of the pleasure of posting this story while he’s alive to read it.

Still, for anyone wanting to white knight for “Z-as-in-Zombie Man,” remember that he was given ample opportunity to defend himself against the plagiarism claims, and he refused to do so.

AU REVOIR “Z MAN.”

Over the next year, Brimelow and Taylor both asked me about “Z Man’s” exit, and of course I told them the reasons. Taylor, a longtime friend, abhors plagiarists. Indeed, after “Z Man” laid an egg while speaking at one of Taylor’s AmRen conferences, to the extent that Mark Weber called me asking “who the hell IS this guy? Is he special needs?” it became clear that the only good content that chronic thief produced was what he didn’t write himself.

If you’ve ever liked anything “Z Man’s” posted, guaranteed it wasn’t from him. Sort of like every book written by Fox News hosts. But at least they pay their ghostwriters.

John Christopher Zander was never a writer, but at least now he’s a ghost. In his “Z Man” obit, Brimelow wrote “We didn’t even know that his real name was John Christopher Zander,” and I emailed Peter like, “dude, don’t. Just…don’t. You’re so much better than that. You knew his full name because I told it to you in an October 15, 2020 email.”

Indeed, after I warned Peter about this fraud in 2020, Lydia Brimelow contacted me:

Zman said that women have no place in the movement and when I offered a mild objection he accused me of having no skin in the game. That's the point at which I pointed out that my whole family is publicly exposed, unlike pseudonymous he. He claimed that his "zman" name "is his real name" because his real name is something like Zeeman or Seaman or whatever, I don't remember. The whole conversation was stupid and I laughed it off at the time.

Yes, by that point “Z Man” was actually claiming to be “Christopher Zeeman.” I asked Peter how they paid him (knowing that the name was a phony). Peter replied that he paid “Z Man” via an LLC in Cockeysville.

Well…as they say in WV, it’s all piss under the britches now. John Christopher Zander aka “Z Man” aka “Christopher Zeeman” has left the outhouse.

He called for my death, but the Reaper said “you first.”

Am I disrespecting the dead? Am I violating de mortuis nil nisi bonum?

Sure I am. I’ll bonum “Z Man’s” corpse with a chainmail dildo. I’ve outlived Irv Rubin of the JDL, and I’ve outlived “Z Man.”

Once I outlive former National Review writer and current pedo Michael Walsh, the “family values conservative” who in 2011 asked me to hook him up with young girls who resembled his recently-deceased daughter and then “outed” me to The Guardian in an attempt to “kill me” in a figurative sense, I can die in peace.

Walsh turns 76 this year.

You’re really drawing this one out, Reaper.

What, no vacancies in Hell?

Maybe take Zohran Mamdani. He’s got great ideas about solving the housing crisis.

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