Why Casting Directors Are Paid...and Why I Should've Stayed

And a few of you REALLY need to get laid.

Jesus I can’t wait to drink again. This is not one of my better sober periods. I’ve been sober since August 11, and my original plan was to make it to Thanksgiving, but I can’t see that happening. I think October 11 will be my limit. Two months…hopefully enough liver regeneration to see me through New Years.

Because everything’s testing my nerves right now. I’m irritable. But as a drunk who’s not yet keen on dying, I have to do these time-outs, unpleasant though they may be.

That doesn’t mean YOU bastards have to make it so hard on me.

I love most of you, but a few of you have developed this odd new quirk…every time I post a pic of a young lady I’ve known, I get “she ain’t pretty! She ain’t pretty!” That’s rude and caddish behavior, and I’ve made it automatic grounds for getting bounced.

That said, because, being sober, I’m trying to write as much as I can these days to take my mind off being sober, I thought I’d use the most recent example of caddishness to teach a lesson that simultaneously touches upon filmmaking and right-wing politics.

As y’all know, I used to work in casting, from 1986 onward. Not continuously — I took many months off for Holocaust stuff, GOP stuff, writing a book, living in British Columbia, Vegas, etc. But casting’s always been there, and I’ve always gone back when asked (until Covid ruined the craft by making everything remote. I covered that in a column earlier this year).

I lived in the underbelly of casting. It’s where I preferred to be, working with newcomers, rookie actors, as opposed to casting the “big stuff.” And when I needed “big stuff” cast for movies I was producing, I’d go to my friends who cast the “big stuff.” Like Deb Aquila, one of the top-tier casting directors in the world, responsible for, among other things, discovering Edward Norton (the producers of Primal Fear insisted on a “name” actor to appear as the villain opposite Richard Gere, but Deb told them, “cast Norton…he’ll get an Oscar nom.” They did and he did), and convincing Frank Darabont to hire Morgan Freeman for Shawshank Redemption (the part of “Red” in King’s novella was white - an actual Irishman - but Deb knew that Freeman would make the film, and nobody’s ever been more right).

Deb helped me out on a few projects where I needed A-listers.

But for me as a casting director, I liked to do low-budget fare.

In the 1980s and ‘90s, every actor’s headshot had to be black & white. That was the rule. Actors had to have two photos, one serious (“theatrical”) and one smiling (“commercial”). And both had to be B&W. Because the old-timey pretentious fucks who ran the biz back then were like “B&W brings out the soul! Just as B&W movies are superior to color ones, thus shall no actor employ color!”

So, as a casting director in the 1980s with no Internet, no YouTube or MP4s, you’d get one to two photos from each actor, maybe 1,200 photos total from all the actors who were submitting for a part, and you had to choose, say, 50 or 60 to see in-person.

So how did you ascertain what an actor actually looks like from a mere B&W photo? Well, much like the Mentats of Dune, we had to become human computers. We had to turn our minds into 3D imaging software, where we could look at one B&W photo and “see” what that person looks like three-dimensionally.

I got very good at it. I became aware of how cameras distort. Lens, shutter speed, focus, lighting, distance, and angle. These things matter.

Because cameras are not the human eye, you ninnies.

That’s lesson #1. A camera is a representation of an image.

Courtesy Newsweek

Courtesy fstoppers.com

Courtesy Danvojtech.cz

Understand?

So there we were, us casting directors, with strict instructions from the director regarding the exact look they wanted in the actor, but with limited hours to see actors in person. So we had to learn to “see” the real face in the photo, and we did that by not getting fooled by the various elements that can cause distortion.

That’s why we got paid. That’s why it was a job. Plus, there was a humanitarian aspect to learning the “casting eye.” Actors would often scrimp and save for one headshot shoot. Shoots back then were on film, not digital. Meaning actors paid by the roll. So they’d shoot, say, three rolls, and if the pics came out bad, they’d be stuck. When I’d examine each submission, I’d do so with an understanding that it might be the photo that’s bad, not the face. I had to learn to see beyond the pic.

So let’s apply what we’ve learned to a photo I posted Tuesday of my porn girl Kera with Quincy Jones.

And here’s one comment I received from a reader (NOT one of the “ninnies” who are testing my nerves; this reader’s a friend and she meant no harm):

“Dave- I just have to say- was Kera using T (testosterone)? she had some serious guns!”

Okay, what’s the first thing you notice about that pic?

The shadows. The shadows are tricking you. Those aren’t “guns” but shadow. Look at Kera’s face. See the light/shadow pattern, and how it affects the arms too. Because in fact Kera was very thin. Let’s move away from the “tricks” of a still photo and see the girl three-dimensionally (totally non-pro shoot - just her, me, and my phone in Manhattan Beach).

No, she doesn’t have “guns.” Her arms aren’t anorexic toothpicks - she’s fit, athletic, to be sure. But they’re hardly mannish high-T “guns” (and BTW, her prepubescent chest was why she made the big bucks in porn; there’s a constant needs for adult women who can play teens).

Remember: angle is everything. The right (or wrong) angle can even inflate the forearms, like Popeye:

Now facially, in the Quincy Jones pic, you can’t tell much because of the shadows. Had I received that pic as a headshot, those shadows would’ve taxed my ability to do my 3D imaging.

Still, that didn’t stop one dumbass who maliciously trolls my Substack from commenting:

“Not Hollywood good looking?”

“Smart Patrol,” the only time you see women like this is in your dreams, you pathetic incel (he’s since been bounced; this isn’t Twitter - I don’t coddle trolls). And BTW, most “Hollywood actresses” look nothing in real-life like they do on-screen, you gullible fuck.

Back to Kera:

Note how a simple change in lighting/hair/lens/angle creates a very different look:

Why is this relevant beyond me wanting to vent on dipshits?

Because there’s an entire industry of conmen - Alex Jones being the ringleader - who exploit camera distortion to try to trick you into thinking something’s a “false flag.”

“The FBI says this guy’s the shooter, but look at him in the security camera video compared to his mugshot: TOTALLY DIFFERENT PERSON!”

(store security cameras distort more than any other kind of camera, because of their low-grade resolution)

“The so-called ‘shooter’ is wearing light green pants in the arrest footage but they’re white in the security cam video.”

(yes, low-quality cameras will sometimes distort color)

“That’s not Biden; it’s a guy in a mask! And John Fetterman was replaced!”

(no, it’s different grade cameras shooting from different angles)

Stop being fooled! Learn about lens, shutter, angle, lighting, distance, etc. before jumping on the retarded “superslooth” bandwagon.

Postscript: In 1997 I was working with a headshot photographer named Mitchell Rose, and he was shooting color headshots. Unheard of! I said to him, “it’s about fucking time. If I start referring actors to you, will you promise to only use color?”

He said “that’s my goal!”

So like a team, we changed the biz. By 2000, the majority of headshots were color. The pretentious '“black and white only” faggots had lost, and casting became a lot easier.

And today, with every actor having high-def video, there’s no need for the “Mentat 3D imaging” skill anymore. Which is why the guys on the underbelly don’t get paid anymore. Which is why I don’t do it anymore. Hell, it’s mainly the indie film directors themselves who do the casting now…no need for a casting director.

Which is why so many low-budget films have the homeliest actors. Even with high-def video, people who aren’t casting pros still manage to fuck it up.

Makes me wish I were still in the industry.

REMEMBER: MY SUBSTACK IS FREE AND ALWAYS WILL BE, BUT YOU CAN LEAVE A “TIP” VIA BUY ME A BEER!