Dave Open Thread!
Dave Open Thread!
Banned from Twitter, I plan to be more active here...because where else at this point?
I’ve been meaning to do another video, and I will, real soon! There’s much to tell. Crippling gout in both feet - the main reason I’ve been so sluggish the past two months. And a giant rat named Ratibor hiding under my washer/dryer. Here he is, scurrying away after briefly getting caught in the no-man’s land between the two walls I’d built to contain him (the first wall was small because I initially assumed he was a field mouse. When I got a look at the mutha, I built a second wall that comes up to my chest).
Worst of all, of course, is that I was perma-banned from Twitter for being mean to a Nazi. I’m now perma-banned from YouTube, Amazon (as an author), and Twitter.
I tell the Twitter story in tonight’s Taki’s column. Read it here:
https://www.takimag.com/article/elons-coddled-swaddled-nazis/
And here’s last weekend’s Week That Perished; please read it if you haven’t, because the Twitter ban is killing my traffic!
https://www.takimag.com/article/the-week-that-perished-289/
Oh, and here’s an epic song about the rat and the banning:
But anyway, let’s just do an open thread today, to bring some action back to the site! I’ll chime in so we can talk again like we used to on Twitter.
Last thing - here’s a two-hour interview I did on the Holocaust. It’s from December, but it was paywalled for a while because people so love seeing Dave talk Holocaust, they’ll PAY THROUGH THE NOSE!
https://gtkradio.com/davidcole-interview
But not here - everything on my Substack is free and always will be, including this interview, which will likely provoke some “interesting” comments from my remaining (thankfully shrinking) denier fanbase.
And as always, if you wish to be kind to a gout-crippled rat-fighting Twitter-banned traffic-nuked drunk old man, you can always Buy Me a Beer (or two).
It’s good to be back! I hope.
Love,
Ol’ Dave
A fun anecdote from another Dave, about another Dave: David Spade on turning down David Bowie's 'SNL' sketch request, from Spade's memoir 'Almost Interesting':
[On an episode hosted by Macaulay Culkin in 1991] I finally developed my encounter with Patrick Swayze's publicist into a sketch. The germ of the idea was that the assistant to the celebrity is always more important than the celebrity in Hollywood. The assistant has the keys to the kingdom. If you want to talk to the famous person, you have to get through them first.... I didn't know how to frame the sketch or who I was going to play yet---publicist, agent? I finally landed on personal assistant. Then I needed a setting. I decided on a waiting room of an office where the assistant would be alone with the people waiting to meet a "very important person," and where he could privately pull his power trip. I didn't know who to make the star but I thought it was funnier to make them someone less obvious. For some reason I chose Dick Clark . . . and I still don't know why. I must have just seen him on "New Year's Rockin' Eve" or some bullshit that year and decided that he was a guy not as powerful as say, Jeffrey Katzenberg or some studio head, so it would be that much more frustrating if his assistant was talking down to someone.
This is the week I made my move to do my own sketch, writing myself into the lead. To give myself an even better shot, I decided to try using the musical guest. David Bowie was appearing on the show that week with his band Tin Machine (remember them?). I knew Bowie had acted before and I figured he'd be perfect because . . . well, he's DAVID BOWIE and therefore unbelievably famous. It would be a hilarious scenario if Bowie couldn't get in to see Dick Clark because of some asshole assistant. I wrote something up where David Bowie comes into the office and I, as the receptionist, stop him and make him explain to me who he is, why I should know him, list his credits . . . and ultimately not let him in. I would even make him sing. I typed this up (well, the typing girls did) and gave it to the talent department and they told me, "We will try to get this to David Bowie . . . " And I waited. And waited. The next day I came in and there was a lone message in my tiny little mailbox written on yellow NBC letterhead that said, "You missed a call from: David Bowie." My heart stopped. I missed a call from my musical hero. The return number was a Boston hotel with a fake name.
I remember I didn't call him up until I was alone in my apartment and I had all my balls up. I couldn't do it in the office for fear of saying the wrong thing and having Farley or Sandler bust my chops or, worse yet, interrupt me. I nervously poked at the keys on the old-school push-button phone in my house (beep . . . boop . . . beep beep . . .). I asked for his room and . . . David Bowie answered. I hadn't planned what to say. I was just winging it. Luckily, he was very nice. "David, I read your sketch, it's hilarious. I have to do this." I got an instant shot of adrenaline. He said, "I come back tomorrow so let's rehearse this and get it going." "Great! This will be really fun!" In my head I am thinking, I can't believe I'm going to have a sketch, that I wrote, on 'Saturday Night Live' WITH DAVID BOWIE. Then came the bombshell. "Just one thing . . . I want to play the receptionist, so who do we get to play me?" My heart stopped . . . Oh fuck, what? . . . Wait . . . what? Shit, what was I going to do? I was hoping to get a sketch on that I felt could help me finally gain some footing. What do I do? I can get a sketch on right now and gain some ground at work or keep waiting and try to get it going with a future host. I took the latter. I explained to DAVID BOWIE that the receptionist was a character I wanted to own, like Wayne from 'Wayne's World', and that I wanted to build him over multiple shows---and therefore I couldn't just hand it over. He then said, "Well, it's not fun playing myself." I could tell he was a bit annoyed, and I knew he was when he told me he had to go and hung up the phone. I was stunned. I couldn't believe that I had been able to talk to David Bowie, and then within four minutes piss him off enough to hang up so fast.
More on this incident:
https://ew.com/tv/snl-david-spade-refused-david-bowie-role-swap/
I hear there's an opening in Alcoholics Anonymous, for a smart Jewish guy who doesn't take crap off people.