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Sonny Lopez's avatar

"I was scared shitless that my trees were going to fall and level my house, with me in it. I’m assuming this is what it feels like to be in a hurricane." That's about it. My parents' house was taken out by trees, not flooding, in Katrina. Glad you made it through.

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David Cole's avatar

I was genuinely nervous, Sonny. The Santa Anas are normal; they come every year. And I've never had the unsettling concerns I had Tuesday night. Unsecured objects in my backyard were being lifted up and flung at the side of my house. When the sun finally came up Wednesday, there was a tree on my lawn, but not one of my trees. It had been blown there from someone else's property, The firefighters are brave as hell being in the middle of that inferno in those conditions.

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Sonny Lopez's avatar

My last apt. lost the roof in Ida; same thing: wind, not water. I can't imagine fire on top of that.

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Ricardo's avatar

I've been to hurricanes and the winds are scary. Fiee on top it's a whole different game.

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noochness's avatar

Here's a "prose poem" I wrote for a lady I like who grew up in Kansas tornado country:

Kathleen Claire

As I move my face closer to hers, I see her nostrils flare a bit, drawing in air. Her gaze is serious, her eyes half-closed, showing only a glimpse of bright blue. She’s got an identical twin sister, they say you can’t tell them apart, but K. says I’d be able to tell because I know her. Of *course* I'd be able to tell, as I’ve seen the her she's never seen—I’ve held her soul in my hand and stroked it like a tiny kitten. Her eyes close fully. I wonder if her sister kisses the same way? I feel her breath on my face. She’s from Kansas, which is as exotic to me as if she were from Azerbaijan or Vilnius. That it’s in the same country yet still inaccessible to me makes it even more exotic. My little Kansan. Her arms tighten about me. She’s a strong one this girl, much tougher-souled than me—those Kansas winters teach you quick that nobody gives a rat’s ass about you in this world except those closest to you. Our lips press together and we’re in a root cellar taking shelter from the tornado above. She senses my apprehension, says not to worry. She told me once her family hid in the basement when she was three and she peed herself in fear as the winds tore at the house above them. She is yielding fully, to me and to the storm above. She trusts me to not fuck her over, and I tell myself I must never betray that trust

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David Cole's avatar

Thank you for sharing that, Nooch. I really, really liked it. Have you ever been published anywhere?

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noochness's avatar

No, but thank you so much for the compliment! I planned to do 30 of them, call them "30 Kisses" but it never got beyond that one (and this one for a dominatrix who really rocked my world):

Claire Hex

I am on all fours as she enters the room, my forehead placed to the floor in obeisance—far less than she deserves, for she has demolished childish sexual hang-ups I’d been captive to since puberty. I push my forehead deeper into the carpet and whisper “Domina.” I hear her inhale as she towers above me. “Kiss my foot,” Claire commands, and I lift my head to comply. Her calf is before me firm and smooth, like a long phallic vegetable offering to the gods, her foot clad in an open-toed sandal, toenails painted a bright electric color. I move my lips to the foot and brush its cool smooth surface, removing them quickly, taking care not to presume. “Good boy,” she says, and I move psychospiritually one notch closer to where I should be, where I should have been decades ago. She has brought me so far, through her skill and talent, yes, but also just by being there—like at a book signing when a woman breaks down in tears before an author, telling him in a rush how his books saved her life, and the author, grateful for the praise but having heard it all before, and knowing his work just happened to be in the right place at the right time, murmurs “you’re welcome”

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David Cole's avatar

This is really good stuff. I mean that. It possesses a raw honesty mixed with a skill with words. I'm genuinely impressed!

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noochness's avatar

Bless you! I can't come up with a "big picture" story, but if I have a specific scene with a few persons, with the goal of inching the story forward to a certain point, I think I can do that. A microwriter as opposed to a macrowriter.

I've been POSSESSED the last week writing kinky erotica at the deviantart website, mostly expansions of online kinky stories I liked. No money, but it's so much fun, maybe like the monkey fitted with a wire in the pleasure center of his brain, keeping the lever pushed down until it burns a hole in his gray matter!

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David Cole's avatar

I'm not 100% sure I've ever fully understood what the Deviant Art site is about. I've visited a few times because they have some cool Emma Peel artwork (she's my childhood fetish), but I'm not certain I "get" the site beyond that.

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Kate Cahill's avatar

I really enjoy the direct honesty you're putting out- and the fact it's sexy, but not "canned" (as so much erotica is!)

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Kate Cahill's avatar

Beautiful! I love it Nooch! (from a NY Kathleen!)

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noochness's avatar

Bless You, Ms. Cahill!

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Terry C's avatar

When I am reading something that causes my imagination to make a little movie in my head, I know I am reading something worth the effort. Thanks for sharing.

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Myriad Mike's avatar

Glad to hear you are okay Dave. I looked at the map, and felt comfortable knowing your place wasn't in the current path, but with wicked winds, one never knows for sure.

This is certainly a horrific set of circumstances, a conflagration of all things bad, all at once, creating a nearly impossible task of defeating it. I do wonder about the eventual political fall-out.

Between (based on what I've read and heard) the cancelled home owner's fire coverage for insurance because of California price caps, the failure to mitigate the fuel of dead grass, brush, and trees, the defunding and DEI'ing of the fire department, the absent mayor, the problems with the water: pressure and availability, and the long standing issues with California policies that reportedly, have always made this an inevitability, PLUS, the fact the many important, wealthy, well known people have lost their homes... Does anything happen, or change, because of all of this!?

Moreover- Seriously, how many more problems does The Golden State NEED, before the residents have had enough already? It appears to be an industry leader in institutional, systemic, and inherent problems that NEVER get solved, and only ever get worse! (all while everything gets more and more expensive at the same time)

Because if this isn't an impetus for some real change out there... well, I just don't know what happens then.

Cheers!

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David Cole's avatar

I was just saying to another commenter that there will definitely be a day of reckoning from this. Too many people, influential people, affected. And too many normal folks. I'm lucky; I got my power back on. But there are still 40,000 to 60,000 people like me, outside the immediate fire zone, but still with no power. An organized effort to hold the responsible parties accountable is needed.

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Myriad Mike's avatar

Just the other day, I think while re-watching "Once Upon a Time in Hollywood", I was remembering the heyday of California. Maybe the 50's, 60's, and early 70's?

It's was considered an absolute paradise. Amazing weather, the coastline, it wasn't insanely overcrowded yet, and homes were affordable. LA had the clubs, and the beach, and the blondes... God, in it's heyday, Cali produced the most beautiful women on the planet... it had the dream making potential of Hollywood, and great music was just pouring out of the state.

It really was amazing! Hell, half of the planet, dreamed of moving there, and it became the signature "place" for classic Americana; It was literally the way that everyone saw the entire United States.

It was in all the movies, TV shows, advertisements.

An actual paradise...

It's fond remembering, I must say.

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noochness's avatar

American Graffiti (1973)! My eyes well up just thinking about it....

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David Cole's avatar

I'm privileged to have grown up in 1970s California. It was beautiful. The beaches, Marineland, the feeling of optimism. Best era and place for a childhood.

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Antoine Karidian's avatar

Yes, it still looks pretty wholesome on my 70s Emergency! series DVD, then you had the pastoral, idyllic suburbs in The Brady Bunch. I believe the aerospace industry was a huge catalyst of growth during that era as well. The thing is that So Cal was the crown jewel of the United States back in the mid 20th Century. So think about the gall of these endless foreigners inviting themselves to come live in the United States and instead of feeling lucky just to be in America and accepting a life in Tulsa OK or Columbus OH they decide that they are going to live in the crown jewel of the United States. China doesn't even allow it's own peasants to all invite themselves to live in Beijing or Shanghai, but we allowed tens of millions of people to overcrowd and bid up housing in some of the most desirable regions of the United States pricing native born citizens out. I guess we have a free market version of China restricting access to their premiere cities by pricing those Palisades homes at $4 million plus for what would be $400,000 in the midwest.

Some nerd on Youtube doing geography-economic-politic type videos was claiming how California "shoots itself in the foot" with zoning codes favoring single family housing "restricting economic growth by preventing affordable housing." So in other words he wants to build the Blade Runner City where you live in a beehive? Really though, then what is the point of having the beach, etc if you are in some sci fi dystopia of overcrowding? Nope, I'd rather live on the North Dakota prairies with lots of open space than be packed into a "Fifth Element" style ant farm city a mile from a beach that I can't even see because a million people are packed into the ant farm towers in between.

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David Cole's avatar

If you watch 1970s TV, you see that much of L.A. was nothing but one and two-story buildings. The building boom of the Reagan years was just an expected consequence of the area becoming an economic powerhouse. But the building boom wasn't related to immigration. Century City, the area next door to me, went from a place where old ladies went to eat at cheap cafeterias to the Manhattan of L.A. (in terms of tall buildings), but it's even MORE white & exclusive now. Every film industry corporate office has its skyscraper HQ there, including the Die Hard building (which is visible right outside my window). You can no longer eat in Century City on a Social Security income, and it's one of the safest places to walk because blacks don't even think of going there (I wrote four years ago about one restaurant in Century City that tried to appeal to blacks; it closed in four months thanks to dine-and-dashes. It was replaced by a steakhouse that even Oprah couldn't afford).

The beach cities have had anti-development regs to stop tall buildings from encroaching on views. The left's been trying to destroy those regs for decades.

Also, never forget that L.A. was built around the Los Angeles River (located in what is now the all-bean Eastside. Downtown was planned around the river, back when it was a real river, and the main center of commerce, our "Mississippi." The coastal areas were afterthoughts until freeways linked them and every home had a car. Coastal dwellers have consistently fought overdevelopment.

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Myriad Mike's avatar

Every now and then, when I'm bored, I like to hop on Zillow, and look at various areas, just to see how crazy it can be. After going out to LA last year, I decided to peruse the Manhattan Beach area (I was supposed to have lunch with Dave, but he blew me off j/k).

And if a small studio apartment for $850,000 is something that appeals to you, there was ONE.

It's just funny because it was a great area, relative to the beach, but everything was in the several million range, and that was for the privilege of walking 3, 5, 7 blocks to "the beach"...

It was "nice", but cramped, crowded, bottlenecked traffic, and a multimillion dollar yuppie Hell.

I'd rather live in rural Wyoming.

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David Cole's avatar

Keep in mind, Mike, and I say this as a non-driver who lived for two years in El Segundo next door to Manhattan Beach, that those particular coastal cities are built for walkers and bikers. The locals don't use their cars much. That 3, 5, 7-block walk to the beach is part of the attraction of the area. Much of that car traffic is outsiders, not locals. El Segundo, MB, and Hermosa Beach are connected by beautiful walking paths. Those two years in El Segundo, I was in the best shape of my life. These are cities for the young & healthy (hence why I couldn't live there now; old and alcoholic, even walking to my kitchen is a trek).

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Myriad Mike's avatar

Yeah, I get it. Part of my perspective comes from visiting the beaches of Texas and Florida, where you can literally drive your car onto the beach (and get stuck), set up a campsite (note for beginners, the tide does come in at night!), make a fire, fish, drink beers... hence, that becomes my baseline perception of beaches. many of them are also in the middle of nowhere too. No boardwalk, shops, houses, often nobody else around for a mile in each direction.

I can certainly see the appeal though... especially with a Porsche 911 downstairs in my garage.

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Grand Mal Twerkin's avatar

Do you remember Day Of Reckoning on SCTV? I can’t find a clip

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David Cole's avatar

LOL!!!!

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Mike Carroll's avatar

On Monday fans in LA booed Hulk Hogan out of the Intuit Dome on Raw.

This is why you don't fuck with Hulkamania.

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David Cole's avatar

LOL!!!!

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Terry C's avatar

Well said!

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Grand Mal Twerkin's avatar

I hear the blaze was started by a former Holocaust re-enactor who thought fire would be the Final Solution to his Ratibor problem. That at least narrows down the list of suspects

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Terry C's avatar

Damn Ratibor has more lives than the cat that failed to kill him. LOL!

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David Cole's avatar

Sadly, rats don't hibernate in winter. Neither do squirrels or raccoons. Like, God forbid pest animals deprive us of their precious company for three months.

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Terry C's avatar

At my house, it seems the rats always move in on the first chilly day of winter. Kinda like a dead-beat son who dropped out of college and wants his old room back.

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David Cole's avatar

Ever since I walled off the area where he was getting in, it seems to have kept him out. I haven't physically seen or heard him since May. I never caught him, but I think I bested him all the same.

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David Cole's avatar

LOL!!!!

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Mike Carroll's avatar

Glad to hear you are OK. Was hoping you would post something on the situation not only to let everyone know you are (relatively) fine but also to cut through the bullshit narratives on social media trying to turn it into a political issue. Actually I take that back: It's all the fault of the Rothschilds. As everyone knows they own a machine that controls the weather and made the mistake of hiring Indians they can pay 3 rupees a day to run it to save costs.

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David Cole's avatar

LOL!!! That's a gag worthy of Week That Perished!

And I'll have a lot more to say on the deeper issues surrounding the fire once the post-blaze investigation and recriminations happen. But it's still gonna be days until the damn thing gets put out. It's literally turning into one of those fires where it only ends because there's nothing left to burn.

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Ricardo's avatar

Can't complain about cold fries in Cali no mo.

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Terry C's avatar

One day, I will learn not to drink coffee while reading comments here. LOL!

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David Cole's avatar

LOL!!!!

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Terry C's avatar

Mike, I can't agree more. The social media monkeys love to sling the political scat.

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SandyC4's avatar

I was really happy to see you this morning. I'm so glad you're okay. I hate high winds, they scare the hell out of me. Not that I find fire pleasant, it scares me too. I just haven't had the up close and personal pleasure. Hurricane Gloria, 1985 she dropped a huge old tree on my house, took out one window and the power line to my house. Been through my share of hurricanes and two tornadoes. Was driving a very rural road through the PA woods when a huge tree just missed my car. Thank you very much, Mr. Tornado. Not sure if "a candlelight date with my own ass" was on my list of 'things I need mental pictures of' today. But again, very glad that you're safe and you can replace some of that food that you lost.

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David Cole's avatar

Indeed, food can always be replaced. Me being flattened in my bed by a tree, not so much.

Thank you very much for the well-wishes and concern, Sandy. It means a lot.

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SandyC4's avatar

Very true. It would have sucked royally had you been crushed by a tree. I'm reasonably certain that your readers are going to more than cover a $41 loss. We love you.

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David Cole's avatar

They're being very generous. And I love you all back, not just for the beers but for being such a great community for me. Brightens my day!

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Mike Carroll's avatar

Would be nice if Bass could find her inner Mayor Daily and go on TV to announce police have been given shoot to kill orders for anyone caught looting. Saw footage of scum going around doing this, they are vermin unworthy of life.

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David Cole's avatar

Our new DA is telling looters that they'll be mercilessly rounded up and have the book thrown at 'em. He's promising prosecution to the fullest extent of the law. This is his first test since we booted Gascon. I have a feeling he'll go the extra mile to show that his tough-on-crime stance isn't an act.

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Ricardo's avatar

She won't pull a Judd but wish she would.

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Stacy Y. Cats's avatar

My house was a new construction & the builders landscaped my front yard with 3 trees. There seems to be a wind tunnel effect around my house and during past windstorms, I lost 2 of the 3 trees. I was very worried that tree #3, which I’ve been too cheap to have trimmed and is currently quite top-heavy, would fall during this storm. But my neighborhood was spared. Other people in my city reported damage and blackouts, but the wind just wasn’t that bad in my neighborhood. Spared for now. I should hire a bean to cut some branches off my tree because I have a feeling this may not be the only bad wind this winter.

My guess is that the Palisades fire was started because of stupidity, but we shall see.

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David Cole's avatar

Glad you didn't get the wind as bad as we did! And yeah, I don't think we've seen the last of it. If this winter stays as dry as it's been so far, that fire and wind danger's not going away. I always have my yard bean do one massive cleanup once winter is on the way out. It's cheaper than paying a guy monthly. I do one lump sum, once a year (end of winter). It takes an entire day for the poor hombre, but I save money.

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Texas Khaan's avatar

The term "bean" always cracks me up, because of what it means in the world of equines . . .

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Bill Shepard's avatar

I survived the Cedar fire that burned much of San Diego in 2003. My country town, Harbison Canyon, was hit the worst with over 90% of the homes burned down. The fire came like a wave down the hillside with only the looters in front of it. The especially high winds drove that fire so hot and fast it incinerated most everything in its path. I saved my home and a few others with Rainbirds on the roofs. Fortunately we had water pressure. A few days after the fire Arnold Schwartzenegger, who just won the recall, walked my street with Gray Davis and George Bush. West Covina idiot, Sergio Martinez was hunting near Julian, got lost, then started a signal fire hoping someone would rescue his fat ass. His fire traveled the entire county, threatening La Jolla before it traveled back inland to destroy my community. Any day in Los Angeles sees stupid people starting fires. Often intentionally. It was those unusually high winds that make it uncontrollable. Fortunately the fire spared Ol' Dave's neighborhood. His trees wouldn't have been such a scare if he would have them trimmed, as his neighbor insisted.

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David Cole's avatar

The neighbor tree is tiny. It's the big ones I worry about, and THOSE I do have trimmed regularly. Hell, even if I didn't want to do it, my insurance mandates it.

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Bill Shepard's avatar

Conspiracies aside, people do start these fires for ridiculous reasons. I'm a contractor who has built custom homes hanging over the ocean for over 30 years. These fires are a dream come true for us working stiffs.

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Mike Carroll's avatar

Also how's this for irony: The LA Kings game was postponed last night and their opponent:

The Calgary Flames.

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David Cole's avatar

Damn! I don't follow hockey so I wouldn't have known that. Thanks!

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Brian P Henry's avatar

Yes, just this morning I was telling my wife that I hope my Beverly Hills buddy Dave is alright. So I’m very glad to hear that the answer to that is yes, though a bit shaken. Enjoy a few beers or a meal on us, and here’s hoping that things start improving in your town before long.

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David Cole's avatar

Thank you for the beers, Brian. You're a great friend and I'm lucky to know you!

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Ricardo's avatar

Glad you're doing well. Beers your way, Dave.

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David Cole's avatar

My gratitude, Ricardo. Thank you!

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Mightyclaw's avatar

Glad to hear of your good fortune, sir. I have three Californians whose welfare I follow: you, James Woods, and our mutual friend Ace B. Alas for Mr. Woods' home, but hooray that he and his escaped unharmed.

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David Cole's avatar

Because he looks so good for his age, I forget that James is 77. It's especially tragic to lose so much at that age, but as you said the important thing is that he and his family are alright.

Come to think of it, Ace looks great for his age too.

I'm the youngest of the three, and I look like crap! Shameful.

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Mightyclaw's avatar

The older I get, the more I suspect that Ace is on to something with his lifestyle.

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David Cole's avatar

Fresh air, no bills, beer, and cats. There might just be something to that...

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Kelly Harbeson's avatar

Sounds like me even though I'm much more of a dog person.

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Terry C's avatar

I watched a couple of his interviews during all this. He just could not stop praising his neighbors. What a sweet natured guy.

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Robert's avatar

Glad to hear you're fine, Mr. Cole. Was wondering whether you were impacted, but didn't realise Substack had a chat function (I'm a spiritual boomer in these cases). Speaking of MAGA retards being retarded, looking forward to the day you'll go after that Benny Johnson character as I'm endlessly annoyed by his nonsense and retarded shit he reposts.

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David Cole's avatar

I'm sure he'll show up in one of my columns soon! And thank you for the well-wishes, Robert. I appreciate it very much.

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Kelly Harbeson's avatar

Glad to hear that you remain unfriccasseed and housed. Phoning for an Uber to evacuate sounds less than optimal. Here in hurricane alley we get our share of drama, but I always wondered why Cali does not do prescribed burning to minimize wildfires as Florida does. Too mountanous for prescribed burning?

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David Cole's avatar

Good question. There's not one single answer, but several. One, the complicated mosaic of federal, state, and city land control in the affected areas; everybody passes the buck when it comes to shelling out money. So that leads to funding issues. Two, environmentalist groups have lobbied to stop any forest management policies, lest an owl be disturbed. Three, liability fears. If a controlled burn goes bad, no agency wants to risk the legal liability. Those are just three reasons to start with...

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Sarcastic Cynical Texan's avatar

Brush control could be done by goats . . . I kid you not !!! Temporary electric fence keeps the goats in, stopping the "beans" from slaughtering half the herd for Barbacoa would likely be somewhat problematic.

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JW Booth's avatar

Beans gotta eat! (Though, I would dissuade the thin girls from eating too much)

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David Cole's avatar

LOL!!!!

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Kelly Harbeson's avatar

It's not like prescribed burning never goes bad. Florida's reliance on private contractors for this has come back to bite us!

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Ricardo's avatar

I've wondered that myself. Looking at the Cali topography, hills and houses on those hills, it makes it more difficult for prescribed burning than the FL flatland.

It's doable, I guess, but as Dave said noone wants to be held liable. Now, in the national / staye parks it's a different story: it must be done. Or, Nature does it herself.

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Texas Khaan's avatar

Dave I am very happy that you are as well as your current circumstances will allow. I instructed my corps of shamans to send the blessings of Eternal Tengri to you, they would have suffered severe consequences for failure.

You're welcome,

Khaan

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Sarcastic Cynical Texan's avatar

"We" failed to mention how much sympathy "we" have regarding you being in darkness for a day. Back in '78 us Dallas(s) residents had a hell of an ice storm, a freaking heavy thunderstorm at 30 degrees dumped 2+ inches of ice. Live oaks did a number on power lines all over town, since DP&L went all cheap, failed to keep trees trimmed for several years. Power was out in my neighborhood for 13 days, the temperature went down into the single digits several mornings, the house had gas heat, but forced air furnace without electricity is useless, at least the bathroom heater worked. Ice always makes my posterior pucker, at this moment there is a 1/4" of ice outside of my abode.

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David Cole's avatar

It took several days for the power to be restored after the '94 quake. There were no cellphones back then, but miraculously the landline service was uninterrupted. So at least you could sit in the dark and regale friends in other states about how the city was rubble.

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Sarcastic Cynical Texan's avatar

If I recall correctly, our landline phone service was interrupted for a few days after the ice storm. It really sucked when DP&L's nearby (2 miles or so away) Parkdale power plant was steaming away, while I was freezing in the darkness.

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David A Rice's avatar

"If you’re a meteorologist who tries to save lives by warning people of an incoming windstorm, that’s PROOF you CAUSED the storm, for how else could you have known it was coming?" Well. of course; he-who-smelt-it-dealt-it, right? Glad you're okay, man

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Antoine Karidian's avatar

Among "The Brothers" at work there is talk that this fire was a conspiracy to "destroy evidence in the 'Diddy case." This is after being treated to some of "The Brothers" at work discussing moon landing hoax conspiracy theories back in the fall. Logic failed to sway...especially considering that the HARDEST PART of going to the moon back in the 60s, the trick the Russians were never able to master, was building the first stage of the Saturn 5. A rocket strong enough to put enough mass up into orbit to get to the moon. And the Saturn 5 launch was eye witnessed by a hundred thousand spectators.

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David Cole's avatar

LOL!!!!

And thank you.

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