97 Comments

Bean River,

Wetter than my back,

It's a green card that I lack, someday

A job taker,

A leaf raker,

Wherever you're flowin'

I'm crossing that way...

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LOL!!!! Wonderfully done.

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Hepbean was also in MY FAIR AMIGA, featuring the Broadway classic "I've Grown Accustomed to Her Race".

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LOL! The theme song of many a MAGA.

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I've grown accustomed to her race

Their blown leaf makes the day begin

The La Cucaracha tune from their car horn night and noon

In barrio towns, no blacks, just browns

Are second nature to me now

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LOL! Someone needs to record this for all the MAGAs (and I know several like this) who've gotten with bean women because of their fertility and Christian roots.

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<clears throat>

I’m not exactly a MAGA, but still…

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Maybe a Weird Al Yankovic of the right, but that would turn into some toothless Daily Wire-approved crap about how Democrats are the real racists.

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🤣

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That's really good

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Hi Dave! Your observations about mid-fifties vs late fifties hit home. I have a birthday coming up next month. As I get older, I find myself in a melancholy mood as a draw near to a birthday. I guess at the very least we can be grateful that we lived such a life as to have a past to feel nostalgic about. Happy Birthday, friend.

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Thank you, Terry - I very much appreciate, and reciprocate, the sentiment.

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Paulie, unattractive? By far the WOIST take David has ever had. Unsubbed!

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LOL! But to be fair, I said I didn't find her attractive. I understand that my standards aren't everyone's.

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You didn´t find Paulie attractive? You're an idiot.

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Well you're welcome to her, dude. Hope you like traveling the Third World (that's her passion).

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Is “traveling the Third World” a euphemism for a scatological sexual act? Kinda like, “Wanna travel the Third World and Pajeet the street?”

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Nope, quite literal. She's adopted the Audrey Hepburn Third World charity thing. She even does Audrey Hepburn "tribute shows" at the U.N., reading Hepburn's letters in front of an audience of Bungas and Sanjits.

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As Marilyn Monroe is the idol of all the fat bleached hoes we can’t handle at their worst, Audrey is the idol of scrawny brunettes who go lightly through the world on style, charm, and nicotine, despite the rats and super-rats in their way

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Oh, I forgot mention, Holly is also a ho

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Fax!

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Fuck me Dave, I turned 69 this week, it was no big fucking deal. If you don't drink yourself into an early grave you'll make it to 69 or beyond too. I've barely gone a day without a drink for the last 50 years, just don't overdo it. Advice from a fan. Just have a goddamn drink and don't be a drama queen. Or block me. Whatever. And Paulie? Goddamn...

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Thanks for the advice, and the perspective.

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Hi Dave! Happy Birthday! Thanks for the reminder. I'm so overwhelmed by my dire circumstances that I almost forgot. I feel terrible that my life is so pathetic that I can't even buy you a beer. Like Thomas Sowell, Walter E. Williams, and others, you've had such a profound and positive influence on my life, which is hard to convey in words.

If I survive and don't end up homeless, or worse, I'll one day show my heartfelt appreciation. In addition to buying you a couple of kegs, perhaps we can have lunch, or I'll introduce you to the greatest live Blues band who helped me cope during the worst time in my life. I know you rarely leave your house, but this experience would be worth it.

Regardless, I'll continue to support you, share your articles, and do whatever I can to counter the disinformation and defamation that continues against you, something I'm all too familiar with. In a just world, you'd be an award-winning and best-selling author and sought-after political consultant. And I'd be happily married with kids and a successful photographer and stock trader. But life isn't fair, and people are fucking evil!

Anyway, Happy Birthday! Thanks for sharing the beautiful pics and personal stories. It's always appreciated!

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Thank you, Dino my friend. I'm just blessed to have a great family of readers like you. Honestly, that's all I'd want from life and I'd have no beefs if not for the unemployability due to being banned. But friends like you help me work through that, which means everything to me!

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Nice words to our brother Dave, and I hope things get better for you. I agree with the sentiment about all the evil cocksuckers out there...

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Happy Birthday! Since I've got five years on you, I can assure you that at some point, when you see all the people who died at a younger age, you realize you caught a few breaks. Plus, in your case, you were born a better writer than almost everyone else out there! Plus, as far as I can tell, you had some fine women to cavort with over the years.

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Thank you! And yes, I'm fine with my new recluse status because I had a HELL of a good run. I genuinely don't miss it. It had its decades, great decades, and now I rest.

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Oh Dave, I feel for ya dude, I shall be 62 in November. It sucks that I can't buy beers for you right now, fucking $3,000+ property insurance is due in a few days, impending property tax ass rape is on its way too. In November I'll celebrate my birthday and your drunkenness, I should be able to buy beers for Dave then. Now, about Paulie, I ain't a big nose guy either, but sometimes a man has to adapt and/or overlook sometimes, am I wrong?

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Very true, and I have "overlooked" at times. But Paulie, due to her youth, was always more like family to me. I only met her in the first place because I found out a sleazy director was going to "fake audition" her to try to score a date, and I intercepted it. From that point on, she was more a little sister to me than anything else.

I appreciate every beer my readers buy, but honestly, I appreciate the readership even more. Thank you for that!

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You forgot to mention that you are saving up for a trip to Mongolia, where the noses are small.

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LOL! Don't give me any ideas.

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Yeah, large noses would freeze and fall off in the winter there. And BTW Texas should have been spelled Taxes, no Prop 13 around these here parts.

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Damn, it's weird writing replies to myself and Dave at the same time, I need a drink!!!

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A dual subscriber's journey is fraught with many perils.

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LOL! And yeah, Prop. 13 was like the dying hero in a movie saving the baby before succumbing to his wounds. 1978 California might be dead, but it managed to save the future generations by giving us Prop. 13 before expiring.

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1978 Texas did not need Prop. 13, the last several years of ever escalating appraisals are outta control, somethings got to give. Oh, and my August electric bill is gonna be up there since there was a stretch where temps were 110+.

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Our fine Governor has reduced property taxes 'round these parts, though rising house values have offset some of that effort. If you like Mexican women, and I do, and you can withstand the heat, which I can, Texas ain't bad.

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Happy Birthday Dave! Will send you a few "beers" at the end of the week. I saw a tweet today on some HBCU that had like an 8% graduation rate and average SAT score of 860, wonder if that's the one Professor Grift works at?

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Well, I'll probably be writing about this again, so I'll share more details once I see if this guy's open to settling things like gentlemen.

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I saw that too...how do you flunk an HBCU? This calls for a reboot of SOUL MAN.

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"Good Will Smith" needs to be made: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WqOmbFcJ49A

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Dude, I've been quoting that bit for YEARS.

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"seen mainly from behind typing a letter and doing a voiceover"

That was her doing the voice?! It sounds exactly like Audrey Hepburn!

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Paulie's a FINE actress. Exceptionally good. She came very close to breaking out as a star in her '20s, but she caught a few bad breaks. It's actually quite unfortunate. I tried my best to help, even producing a film as a showcase for her. But sometimes the talented get passed by as the mediocre flourish. That's Hollywood.

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Absolutely amazing! She captures it perfectly: The unique accent, the way Hepburn pronounced certain initial consonants, the kind of ethereal, dreamy quality of her voice, she got every nuance correct.

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Paulie's quite good at accents. Born in Mexico City, raised in L.A., with relatives in Germany and a best friend from France, she can speak English, Spanish, German, and French fluently like a native. Very talented and smart lady (her dad was a global leader of the Gallup Polling org; she came from Mexico's elite). But to me, she was the girl I'd get sloppy drunk with at karaoke bars then pass out at her apartment.

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Figured she was from the white part of Mexico. She most likely has no native american blood and very little Spanish blood, if any at all. So maybe it's not fair to call her Hepbean?

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Her grandfather was Roberto Canedo, a handsome leading man of "Golden Age" Mexican cinema: https://www.imdb.com/name/nm0147436/

Canedo was definitely white enough to have been an American star, but he preferred the "big fish/small pond" of working in the Mexi market.

Paulie's mom is VERY white; her dad a bit browner. Paulie's older sister is VERY white (no Roman nose, even!), her younger brother is very brown.

Genetics, amirite?

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Some Latinas find skin color very important - Nury Martinez comes to mind. Supposedly, it is the indoor versus outdoor thing, but I suspect that is just a cover story so they can secretly hate black folks and yet not be called racists.

"Tan feos!"

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I was thinking she must be Castilian too; she could do Mexican TV where the only mestizos are Bumblebee Man slipping on a banana peel.

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Lol. I think it would've been a hoot to see her in La familia P. Luche wearing those wacky, furry costumes. Plus, her Roman nose fits right in with Barbara Torres' meaty fishhook of a nose.

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That would be true, except Ol' Dave seems to be using it as a term of affection here.

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She is very pretty, Sr. Cole!

I don't mind her nose job, and you are lucky AF to have her as a drinking buddy!

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Insanely pretty. Latins and Roman noses go together like Tyrone and rapsheets.

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LOL!!! Look, guys, I get it. I get that my standards aren't everyone's. But I just don't care for high-bridged slightly hooked noses on a girl. Maybe it's a Jewish thing.

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Happy 56th Birthday David!

Fifty-six is young. Hell, I was still fist-fighting on the streets with Muslim punks in Brussels when I was fifty-six (it was during the height of ISIS).

I hope that your birthday is a good one, and keep that promise to yourself. You'll enjoy that first taste of booze so much more in November than you will at any time earlier. It'll be Mission Accomplished!! Bombs Away!!!! It's like what that other guy wrote - no drama, just do it.

Anyways, with a little luck you'll reach my current ripe old age of sixth-four. I still look pretty good when you stand me next to my crippled, mentally impaired, 93-year-old Portuguese mother-in-law.

All it takes is a little discipline, something else to do with your time, and keeping personal promises to that voice we all have in our head - to ourselves.

All the best...and may there be many more enjoyable birthdays to come.

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Thank you for the heartfelt and funny comment, Martin! I really appreciate it, and I will do my best to heed your words.

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Something very cool about your birthdate, David. I’ve got goosebumps all over.

Here’s what I read on Twitter: “On this day, 46 years ago, George A. Romero's masterpiece, "Dawn of the Dead" (1978) was released in Italy.”

How cool is that?

https://x.com/dannydrinkswine/status/1830678327373234527?s=46&t=YWAFZzo3QlF1u17II8JzBg

Have a wonderful birthday and wish you all the best.

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THANK YOU my friend! Made my night!

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Dave, if you were a comedy writer on the Alan Brady Show, could you have worked with Buddy Sorrel?

Give me an address and I’ll send you a check…

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Very funny stuff... (Acunt!!!) Now, in the old photos, Paulie's nose looks fine... Maybe I had to be there to notice. In any case, she looks sweet.

And yes, pursue it in the UK. I have read many instances of celebrities winning defamation cases.

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Happy belated Dave!

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Thank you!

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