My days of hanging around babes in thongs are long past. Porn girl was my final "fling." From now on, it'll all be hanging at the rec room in the gated seniors community reminiscing about Jolson.
Jolson has that razzmatazz, for sure, but he can’t hold a candle to Eddie Cantor for pure yowza. I hear there’s a young feller comin’ up called Rudy Vallee. He’s got this new singing style called “crooning”, and the gals go crazy for it. They say he’s got the vo dee oh doh!
As my [somewhat disturbed] other implied, it is good to sell out and have some financial security and freedom from homeowner headaches. My late father sold the family home in Dallas, to a bean, after my deceased mother became incapacitated, they had lived apart beginning soon after he retired. Dad bought the windswept 25 acre rural place where I now reside, a good investment, which allowed him to remain sane. Did I mention that I have mice, and that my water heater decided to leak after only 9 years? BTW, that old (1954) house in Dallas is located in Jasmine Crockett's district, the beans probably dislike her intensely.
You say that I am disturbed? The Khaan is a realist, and suggests that you should sell out too. The open steppes of Mongolia are waiting for you to come !!!
I should take your sage advice and sell, water heater cost over $800 to replace, and I did all the work myself. The AC will probably crap out soon, or the water well pump, or . . . fuck me I'm doomed !!! At least the field mice are easy to trap.
Maybe a small cabin or A frame would still offer the freedom of not having a landlord but be manageable? Don't know where Dave wants to go, but the fire danger and insurance hassle in CA is now quite bad. Maybe Palm Desert? Victorville? I know someone from LA who said their friends went there because it's cheaper. Plus I don't think there's much vegetation to burn in the desert. The Salton Sea is supposed to be super cheap as it's sort of abandoned like Pripyat.
Damn Dave! That's one crazy adventure! By the way, I realize you take some literary license, as is your right... but you do realize that this rat, wasn't "Ratibor", right? Ratibor is dead, and this is a different rat, or should I say, one of many!
I'm not trying to heighten your paranoia about this, but make you aware that you pretty much never see the same rat twice. A couple of years ago, I encouraged you get a ferret, or a bobcat, but now it sounds like you need a feral tomcat, preferably one that was born in a barn on a farm! He may not be able to kill all of the rats, but he will give you the personal satisfaction of watching him savagely murder several, and isn't that what life is really about? I think so...
But anyway, I had a similar experience when I lived in the mountains of Colorado, but it wasn't with rats, it was with racoons! (actual trash pandas, not the cold fries variant). They'd come thru my cat door, and eat the cat food, like all of it. The first time, I woke up, and shot him with a .22 from my bed (it was a very small cabin, and I moved the food bowl, to make this midnight 'coon shot possible), but it just wounded him and he left.
The next time, however, a racoon got trapped in my guest room, and although I tried everything, for hours- opened my front door, tried to "shew" him (or her) out, tried pushing it towards the door with a broom... but he was just too freaked out, and couldn't understand, and so, eventually, after a couple of hours of trying, and needing to get to sleep, I shot and killed it. Same gun, .22 rifle; And that's the time I killed a raccoon in my cabin.
The tragedy, is that I kinda like the little ruffians, scallywamps that they are, but like most cute wild animals, when they are in your living abode, it becomes a life and death battle for primal supremacy.
Good luck with the home sale, I'm sure you'll make out well.
Oh totally agreed it wasn't Ratibor! This bastard was MASSIVE, several times the size of Ratibor. Also, Ratibor was smarter...he could always get out from where he got in. Sadly, we have a huge rat problem in this part of BH because of the extermination of the feral cats in Meowschwitz. And I'm just sick of it all. And I'm afraid it's gonna make ME sick, with the droppings and all. Thanks for wishing me good luck...I'm gonna need it, friend!
Well. Damn. You almost left me speechless. Almost. That's one of those "you can't make this shit up" kind of stories. I know them well. I've never seen any rats that size around here but huge rats are the reason I refuse to give up my .22. I once saw a Norway rat hold not one but two Rottweilers at bay. That's a mean ass rat. Be careful, rabies shots are just one of the worries when it comes to rat bites. You know what? I'm glad you're selling. Sometimes you need a big change. I think it will do you good to get out of there. I'll wish you luck on the sale. It's a process with ups and downs. May you have mostly ups.
I realize it's gonna be a long process. But you're 100% right that it will be a good change for me. So much of my attachment to this place is sentimentality, but in the end, my loved ones are gone. The house is not them. And my memories, I can take anywhere.
Be ready for anything. I sold my place 3 months into NJ martial law aka pandemic. And I had to do the same thing regarding attachment. I loved the place but it was too much house for me. And in the end that's all it really was. Just a house.
Ratzo Rizzo & Joe Buck. And Harry Nilsson: “Goin’ where the weather suits my clothes.”
Male rats are called “bucks.”
And long before those started saying it, they breached all walls & acted out “You will own nothing & be happy” Winston, when Daddy takes the T-bird, & the little rat, away.
Good luck - seriously - with the new landlord. The BlackRock Rats can only be seen in their entirety from outer space.
Whip out that guitar and sing Chihuahuarat a melody....Muskrat, Muskrat, candle light.... Maybe he's a Roo? Find out by mixing him a Kangaroo Kicker and see if he goes for it.
Shake with ice:
2 oz. Vodka
3/4 oz. French Vermouth
Strain into a martini glass and garnish with a lemon twist.
Mix one for yourself and make him your friend.
I would become a paid subscriber but Substack makes it virtually impossible. It is easier to launch the Space Shuttle. I tried, my friend. Maybe you could provide instructions?
I recently remodeled a house in Valley Village and made a heafty profit. Sold it to Chaz Bono. A minor face-lift on your place will provide a healthy return and you can avoid the tar-pit from the buying agent. Send me a DM and I would explain the lowdown on that.
Rent a spot on the boardwalk where you look at bikinis all day.
Yeah, I can't leave L.A.! I love this place too much. I know I can get enough from the sale (after taxes, real estate fees) to get an extended stay place by or near the beach. At least for a few years. And then I'll get Social Security and I'll check myself into a senior's home. Finally be surrounded by people who get my movie references.
I started collecting social security at age 62, what a scam! I was able to cut my work week back from 25 hours a week to 8. (I could cut it back to zero hours but a little work is good for contrast.)
Too tempting to ignore. And here is where I point out that hidden among the berry fields and swamps is the nice little 55+ community where I reside. Just a stone's throw from those beautiful SJ beaches.
Hope everything is alright. Just saw your name was removed from Takimag's author's list - is everything bueno? I read your columns religiously, and was shocked to see you no longer there.
Thank you for noticing, friend! Most haven't. You're a loyal reader, and I appreciate that. I'm in the process of moving, so I just don't have the time to discuss what happened yet, but at some point I certainly will.
I love ya, Nooch! Yeah, let's just say that the week I got more money than I'll ever be able to spend in my lifetime was the worst week possible for Taki and his daughter (who edits the site) to fuck with me. And still, out of loyalty, I tolerated it, but they just pushed me too far.
Just be careful to put the money in the Commerce Bank of Beverly Hills, where Milburn Drysdale and Jane Hathaway will keep a good watch over it. Beware of Madoffs bearing rosy scenarios!
I was dismayed to see you had disappeared from Taki's masthead. I feared that you had drowned in a butt of malmsey, but at least you are still alive. Steve and Dave used to be a midweek high point on the web. You must feel mortally insulted at Taki jilting you like that, but remember that you were his second best writer and I am in good hopes that you can recover from this.
About the LA pieces. I like reading about foreign parts, but I often find LA geography confusing. I have at least a mental map of NYC and the Bay Area. Perhaps you could write primer for your far flung readers.
I wish they'd give Peter Brimelow a weekly column, he needs the money while being hit with relentless lawfare from Letitia James. I read the Brimelows have to pay a fine of $1K a day until they cough up the real names of the pseudonymous VDARE writers (such as "Paul Kersey" who wrote on urban crime).
About Germans and Vienna, this reminds of an exchange which I had with someone where they were insistent that Hitler came to power because of inflation that was making people carry money in wheelbarrows. I tried pointing out to them that that was in 1923 and that when Hitler attempted to seize power in Munich it proved to be a total flop. By 1928, the vote for the NSDAP was at 2.6%. Yes, it's true that the Great Depression caused unemployment to explode, and this was pivotal for bringing Hitler's vote to 37.4% in July 1932. But inflation was not an issue in 1932, that happened back in 1923. It just seems like people have these images all blurred across the brain so that one thing melts into another.
See? High school is bullshit. There all the grownups want you prancing around on a stage dreaming of FAME, so you get to thinking that all the world`s gonna be a stage. But the world is all about rats and selling your home and taking care of senile parents and knowing how to fix your own plumbing. That`s real life. High school is just ... bullshit.
I never knew it to have a theatrical release. Maybe they test-screened it a few places...and based on audience reaction they were like "uh, let's pretend we never made this."
It prolly was The Trial of Billy Jack that I saw in a crowded theater, in 1974. I remember a scene where a kid with prosthetic arms played a guitar under Delores Taylor's tutelage. All four flicks (Born Losers, Billy Jack, The Trial of BJ, BJ Goes to Washington) are available in a box set:
Putting aside that this is a ready-made Week That Perished piece (and thank you, Mike, I needed the inspiration), yes - this blighter's plight would make ANYBODY feel better about their own lot in life.
But, but, but . . . The Philippina Pea's channel on YouTube makes it look like the ideal place for western men to escape to. I'll have to see what's up in Mongolia this summer.
But also, Nooch, I just want a room. I don't want any work on my part (like moving locations). A room...a toilet, a shower, a bed. That's all I need. And I'll be happy as a kosher clam.
The agent will tell you to "stage" the house, make it look all clean and pretty and perfect. Repaint inside and out, new carpets, remodeling, etc. Depending on the breaks, $1 spent on staging can result in $4 in the sale.
Take special care in choosing your new apartment home. They vary tremendously. The Google and Yelp reviews should be taken seriously. How sensitive are you to the California State Stink, marijuana? My building is awesome - I'm on the 11th floor, floor-to-ceiling windows with a view of Venice Beach (two blocks) and the Santa Monica mountains, very peaceful and quiet neighbors. But for 980 sq feet 1 br 1 bath I pay $4000.
Several of the real estate vultures offer to take care of the "staging" for you (that's how desperate they are to rep a house in BH right now). And that's a must for me. I'm not staging a thing at my own expense. If that means I stay here, so be it. This house is a mess; it's a knock-down. People will buy it for the lot. The house is a gonner. I get so many offers each week, I doubt that'll be an issue; Persians and others with the dough.
90% of those who buy into the area buy for the lot, and they put up a McMansion. Mine is one of the few remaining houses from when this tract was built in the 1950s. It's a modest house but a big lot, and whoever wants it will knock this shit flat the day the deal closes!
I agree it sounds like a knockdown so I wouldn't spend a fucking penny on it to entice offers.
As to those offers, tell the agent you want offers in writing from at least three potential buyers and you reserve the right to have them bid against each other - but I suspect you innately know how to bargain with people....
"...whoever wants it will knock this shit flat the day the deal closes!"
FWIW, I agree, and now think what that means for an owner selling/financing an as-is property: NO STAGING. You know that that's what the buyer will do (tear down, max out a new luxury home) although for a while they'll whine about condition--but fuck that:they want the location & lot, and nothing more. It's just posturing, when they talk about condition.
The problem you'll face is that many potential buyers in your area will not *need* to finance much, or at all, which works against seller-financed, but it might be possible to *make* seller financed a condition of sale...
"I *know* you don't need to/want to do owner financed, but if you want this zip code, that's the only way I'll sell it." Of course, make it sound agreeable, but...
This is a whole new area outside your wheelhouse, but if you feel relatively comfortable with it, I know that you're certainly capable of pulling it off, or something close.
Because let's say Dave's house is 2.5M. It sure could be more, but...
He gets maybe 10% down in a lump. $250K immediately.
He writes a mortgage for 2.25M for 10 years at 6.5% amortized over 30 years. if he does interest-only he gets >12K per month for the life of the loan (that's 1.5M in total interest, alone) and at the end of 10 years, if he's still alive, he gets a balloon payment of $2.25M.
By then, if he's still living, he is likely to have married an Asian woman and had 6 kids, so he'll have a bit of a college fund for them. I feel sure that he's thinking about that right now, and it'll take a load off of his mind...
If he inherited his house say 5-10 years ago, he's like to have cap gains, and possibly >500K. He'd owe cap gains on anything over the 500K primarily residence exclusion limit. But any such tax obligation would be spread out over the life of the loan. With int-only it won't work as well as a P&I deal, but still it's an advantage.
But if I read Dave right, he has a reverse mortgage on the house so this eliminates owner-financed, to the best of my knowledge.
Dave mentioned below how older actors marry young women who then dominate and exploit the oldsters. I gotta give a shout-out for Al Pacino here, he impregnated his girlfriend who is 53 years younger than him, but they have broken up. Good move! Pay the child support, visit the baby and the ex occasionally, but DO NOT marry a woman five decades your junior: you immediately become a figure of ridicule, especially to the younger wife---no one's fault, it's just the nature of age and marriage. Bill Belichick will find out if he's stupid enough to marry his current squeeze:
Yes, but she's not exclusive. Her columns are also on her Substack with hundreds of thousands of subscribers and dozens of other places she syndicates to. I was only on Takimag, in terms of my columns. And good luck finding someone for The Week That Perished who can do a cold fries joke like I can!
Oh shit man! I thought you just got one spicy article spiked or something. I never dreamed that you were "out" out! I'm obviously very disappointed to hear this news. I know you are busy trying to sell your house, and what-not, but don't forget my suggestion for the "Hollywood Insider" beat. I firmly believe you can have a very fruitful second career, despite the " scarlet letter" of your past follies being hung around your neck like an albatross, unfairly and unjustly. Hit me up if you need anything. Cheers my friend!
I do not feel like you can be replaced, there is no other writer with your skill set. Larry David is the only one who comes close!
P.S. The "Ape Bridge" at Westfield Century City Mall was shown several times in the 1991 episode of Columbo with guest star Dabney Coleman entitled, "Columbo and the Murder of a Rock Star." I just watched it.
Thank you for the VERY kind words. And yes - because of Century City's location by the studio HQs, Ape Bridge has been a popular location for shooting, especially in the 1970s when the area wasn't as gentrified so it was cheaper to reserve it for the day.
Dave has written about this specific episode before! He said that Shera Danese, Peter Falk's wife who guest starred on the ep, walked off the show before final scenes could be shot.
But I gotta put in a defense of Ms. Danese here, she was great in the ep, esp. the way she'd look at Dabney Coleman while Columbo was closing in. She looked at him with this glance that was just perfect: a mixture of "Wow, he's getting close to nailing you, not me" and "What are you gonna do about it, big boy?"
I like his writings about traveling the British Empire from London to Istanbul, but that doesn't turn the Greeks a profit. Besides, I cannot envision a Week by him: " The Tea Party turned sour, and the coloured fellow dropped the Axe on the Gaulish Fries' Cook" - or some like that.
I love Mr. D., but he'd be hard pressed to write TWTP:
"At the advanced age I have reached, one would think I would no longer have the capacity to be shocked. Yet I find the complete opposite to be the case: I observe myself becoming utterly disgusted by incidents that would not have disturbed me in the least in my more youthful state. Perhaps one reason is that now I have more leisure, allowing me to turn over in my mind the ramifications of happenstances that are bizarre at best, downright evil at worst. The following incident from the week that perished (perished in reality, that is, though not alas in memory) elucidates this point....."
They made a misteak letting only subscribers read and leave comments. Remember how the comments used to be? There'd be HUNDREDS of comments on a piece, with quite a lively dialogue going on. Now, if you subscribe, you'll see maybe three comments on a piece. Taki's used to be a lively place, now it feels like a backwater.
When I read Dave's criticism of Groypers, MAGAS, potato-nazis, etc., it often comes to my mind that they fail to acknowledge the basics before embarking on grandiose theories. Really.
What is best in life?
Chasing a huge rat around.
WRONG !!!
Selling your house for big $$$, and moving to the beach, that's what is good.
Yeah, we've had enough about rats, sinks, green beans, tree beans...looking forward to reading some 'stacks about Babes in Thongs!
My days of hanging around babes in thongs are long past. Porn girl was my final "fling." From now on, it'll all be hanging at the rec room in the gated seniors community reminiscing about Jolson.
Jolson has that razzmatazz, for sure, but he can’t hold a candle to Eddie Cantor for pure yowza. I hear there’s a young feller comin’ up called Rudy Vallee. He’s got this new singing style called “crooning”, and the gals go crazy for it. They say he’s got the vo dee oh doh!
I'm a fat old geezer, but I'm still looking and have no plans to stop.
Not looking at pretty girls in thongs sounds like death itself!
From Beans to Babes now that is trading up!
Genteel bumming after 50 is the way forward.
As my [somewhat disturbed] other implied, it is good to sell out and have some financial security and freedom from homeowner headaches. My late father sold the family home in Dallas, to a bean, after my deceased mother became incapacitated, they had lived apart beginning soon after he retired. Dad bought the windswept 25 acre rural place where I now reside, a good investment, which allowed him to remain sane. Did I mention that I have mice, and that my water heater decided to leak after only 9 years? BTW, that old (1954) house in Dallas is located in Jasmine Crockett's district, the beans probably dislike her intensely.
You say that I am disturbed? The Khaan is a realist, and suggests that you should sell out too. The open steppes of Mongolia are waiting for you to come !!!
I should take your sage advice and sell, water heater cost over $800 to replace, and I did all the work myself. The AC will probably crap out soon, or the water well pump, or . . . fuck me I'm doomed !!! At least the field mice are easy to trap.
Maybe a small cabin or A frame would still offer the freedom of not having a landlord but be manageable? Don't know where Dave wants to go, but the fire danger and insurance hassle in CA is now quite bad. Maybe Palm Desert? Victorville? I know someone from LA who said their friends went there because it's cheaper. Plus I don't think there's much vegetation to burn in the desert. The Salton Sea is supposed to be super cheap as it's sort of abandoned like Pripyat.
Damn Dave! That's one crazy adventure! By the way, I realize you take some literary license, as is your right... but you do realize that this rat, wasn't "Ratibor", right? Ratibor is dead, and this is a different rat, or should I say, one of many!
I'm not trying to heighten your paranoia about this, but make you aware that you pretty much never see the same rat twice. A couple of years ago, I encouraged you get a ferret, or a bobcat, but now it sounds like you need a feral tomcat, preferably one that was born in a barn on a farm! He may not be able to kill all of the rats, but he will give you the personal satisfaction of watching him savagely murder several, and isn't that what life is really about? I think so...
But anyway, I had a similar experience when I lived in the mountains of Colorado, but it wasn't with rats, it was with racoons! (actual trash pandas, not the cold fries variant). They'd come thru my cat door, and eat the cat food, like all of it. The first time, I woke up, and shot him with a .22 from my bed (it was a very small cabin, and I moved the food bowl, to make this midnight 'coon shot possible), but it just wounded him and he left.
The next time, however, a racoon got trapped in my guest room, and although I tried everything, for hours- opened my front door, tried to "shew" him (or her) out, tried pushing it towards the door with a broom... but he was just too freaked out, and couldn't understand, and so, eventually, after a couple of hours of trying, and needing to get to sleep, I shot and killed it. Same gun, .22 rifle; And that's the time I killed a raccoon in my cabin.
The tragedy, is that I kinda like the little ruffians, scallywamps that they are, but like most cute wild animals, when they are in your living abode, it becomes a life and death battle for primal supremacy.
Good luck with the home sale, I'm sure you'll make out well.
Cheers!
Oh totally agreed it wasn't Ratibor! This bastard was MASSIVE, several times the size of Ratibor. Also, Ratibor was smarter...he could always get out from where he got in. Sadly, we have a huge rat problem in this part of BH because of the extermination of the feral cats in Meowschwitz. And I'm just sick of it all. And I'm afraid it's gonna make ME sick, with the droppings and all. Thanks for wishing me good luck...I'm gonna need it, friend!
Ratibor fled to Canada and was just installed at the new Prime Minister.
The rat last night was Trump to Ratibor's Trudeau. I've never seen a more "larger than life" rodent.
Lmfao!! I fucking WISH!! Ratibor would do a better job! (He’s got my vote!)
His only friend, a rat named Ratibor
RIP
Jeremiah Johnson by god!
Well. Damn. You almost left me speechless. Almost. That's one of those "you can't make this shit up" kind of stories. I know them well. I've never seen any rats that size around here but huge rats are the reason I refuse to give up my .22. I once saw a Norway rat hold not one but two Rottweilers at bay. That's a mean ass rat. Be careful, rabies shots are just one of the worries when it comes to rat bites. You know what? I'm glad you're selling. Sometimes you need a big change. I think it will do you good to get out of there. I'll wish you luck on the sale. It's a process with ups and downs. May you have mostly ups.
I realize it's gonna be a long process. But you're 100% right that it will be a good change for me. So much of my attachment to this place is sentimentality, but in the end, my loved ones are gone. The house is not them. And my memories, I can take anywhere.
Be ready for anything. I sold my place 3 months into NJ martial law aka pandemic. And I had to do the same thing regarding attachment. I loved the place but it was too much house for me. And in the end that's all it really was. Just a house.
Ratzo Rizzo & Joe Buck. And Harry Nilsson: “Goin’ where the weather suits my clothes.”
Male rats are called “bucks.”
And long before those started saying it, they breached all walls & acted out “You will own nothing & be happy” Winston, when Daddy takes the T-bird, & the little rat, away.
Good luck - seriously - with the new landlord. The BlackRock Rats can only be seen in their entirety from outer space.
You should cut a new version of this: https://youtu.be/De2kwEAGDIM?si=GuIC60K6JyZ0HJtX You'd be the greatest Jewish bluesman since Mike Bloomfield!
I prefer the follow-up: Rabies in My Bloodstream.
Sam Phillips said "If I can find me a white man with the negro-bitten-by-a-rat-with-rabies feel, I'd make a million pesos!"
LOL!!!!!!!!!!! Love the reference.
I first heard it on a Sun Records compilation; Sam musta been thinking "if I could just find a white man who could do this!"
LOL!!!!
For every "Blue Suede Shoes", Sam had about 50 "Rats in my Kitchens"
Aerosmith did "Rats in the Cellar"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pvodHi2_FoQ
And there's the Rats with "The Rat's Revenge": https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2cGKaoL_kws
Whip out that guitar and sing Chihuahuarat a melody....Muskrat, Muskrat, candle light.... Maybe he's a Roo? Find out by mixing him a Kangaroo Kicker and see if he goes for it.
Shake with ice:
2 oz. Vodka
3/4 oz. French Vermouth
Strain into a martini glass and garnish with a lemon twist.
Mix one for yourself and make him your friend.
I would become a paid subscriber but Substack makes it virtually impossible. It is easier to launch the Space Shuttle. I tried, my friend. Maybe you could provide instructions?
I recently remodeled a house in Valley Village and made a heafty profit. Sold it to Chaz Bono. A minor face-lift on your place will provide a healthy return and you can avoid the tar-pit from the buying agent. Send me a DM and I would explain the lowdown on that.
Rent a spot on the boardwalk where you look at bikinis all day.
I second the face-lift and boardwalk advice.
Asscrack, Montana... - There's a new Sheriff in town! :)
I know you'll stay in LA. Good luck and get top $ on the sale. It's nightmarish to be living that way.
Yeah, I can't leave L.A.! I love this place too much. I know I can get enough from the sale (after taxes, real estate fees) to get an extended stay place by or near the beach. At least for a few years. And then I'll get Social Security and I'll check myself into a senior's home. Finally be surrounded by people who get my movie references.
Old ladies beware!
Get ready to listen to Ol' Dave's Green Mile story...with rats references and everything.
Except this Mr. Bojangles is a razor-toothed mean-ass drunk sporting Doc Marten boots who is on the lookout for unwary homeowners to terrorize.
LOL!!!!!!
I started collecting social security at age 62, what a scam! I was able to cut my work week back from 25 hours a week to 8. (I could cut it back to zero hours but a little work is good for contrast.)
You might ask the realtor if they know of any over-55 communities you can buy into.
Hey, that's a damn good idea. Thank you, Stacy - I'll ask about that. Much appreciated!
Too tempting to ignore. And here is where I point out that hidden among the berry fields and swamps is the nice little 55+ community where I reside. Just a stone's throw from those beautiful SJ beaches.
You're tempting me! I do love the Atlantic...
Devil's greatest weapon. Or so I've heard.
Poofter's Froth, Wyoming!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o_bDE-ntR3s&t=750
Hey Dave,
Hope everything is alright. Just saw your name was removed from Takimag's author's list - is everything bueno? I read your columns religiously, and was shocked to see you no longer there.
Thank you for noticing, friend! Most haven't. You're a loyal reader, and I appreciate that. I'm in the process of moving, so I just don't have the time to discuss what happened yet, but at some point I certainly will.
We noticed. Gonna miss your columns. Hopefully you start posting to your substack again.
Now that you've sold your place, you don't need the Taki's gig to keep you from putting on shorty-shorts and parading up and down the boulevard!
I love ya, Nooch! Yeah, let's just say that the week I got more money than I'll ever be able to spend in my lifetime was the worst week possible for Taki and his daughter (who edits the site) to fuck with me. And still, out of loyalty, I tolerated it, but they just pushed me too far.
Just be careful to put the money in the Commerce Bank of Beverly Hills, where Milburn Drysdale and Jane Hathaway will keep a good watch over it. Beware of Madoffs bearing rosy scenarios!
LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I was dismayed to see you had disappeared from Taki's masthead. I feared that you had drowned in a butt of malmsey, but at least you are still alive. Steve and Dave used to be a midweek high point on the web. You must feel mortally insulted at Taki jilting you like that, but remember that you were his second best writer and I am in good hopes that you can recover from this.
About the LA pieces. I like reading about foreign parts, but I often find LA geography confusing. I have at least a mental map of NYC and the Bay Area. Perhaps you could write primer for your far flung readers.
Taki's without Dave seems unimaginable. Still miss Goad's Monday columns there too.
Sailer has cut back his columns. So no Goad, no Cole, and only half of Sailer. Alienating me was, perhaps, a poor choice on their part.
Lolly don't like no cold fries columns...screw 'em!
My Taki traffic decreased by 90%.
I wish they'd give Peter Brimelow a weekly column, he needs the money while being hit with relentless lawfare from Letitia James. I read the Brimelows have to pay a fine of $1K a day until they cough up the real names of the pseudonymous VDARE writers (such as "Paul Kersey" who wrote on urban crime).
Century City Flaygins lacked the foreskin to see the expected results of ACAB
They were totally Sures they had no skin in the game!
LOL!!!!
Skinless Flaygins crossed a bridge too far.
They'd got Jew under their skin.
About Germans and Vienna, this reminds of an exchange which I had with someone where they were insistent that Hitler came to power because of inflation that was making people carry money in wheelbarrows. I tried pointing out to them that that was in 1923 and that when Hitler attempted to seize power in Munich it proved to be a total flop. By 1928, the vote for the NSDAP was at 2.6%. Yes, it's true that the Great Depression caused unemployment to explode, and this was pivotal for bringing Hitler's vote to 37.4% in July 1932. But inflation was not an issue in 1932, that happened back in 1923. It just seems like people have these images all blurred across the brain so that one thing melts into another.
REALLY well-said, Patrick. And necessary. Thanks!
"It just seems like people have these images all blurred across the brain so that one thing melts into another."
Yep. And to make matters worse, Loomer is back in the spotlight. Ain't that fun!
See? High school is bullshit. There all the grownups want you prancing around on a stage dreaming of FAME, so you get to thinking that all the world`s gonna be a stage. But the world is all about rats and selling your home and taking care of senile parents and knowing how to fix your own plumbing. That`s real life. High school is just ... bullshit.
12 years of mandatory schooling until they break the balls of your back.
Yeah, tell me about it. They had us all brainwashed with those Billy Jack movies.
I actually paid money to see Billy Jack Goes to Washington (1977) on its first release, at my local cineplex--- the theater was packed!
Strange, Wikipedia sez BJGtW never got a general release.... so maybe I'm misremembering.....
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Billy_Jack_Goes_to_Washington
I never knew it to have a theatrical release. Maybe they test-screened it a few places...and based on audience reaction they were like "uh, let's pretend we never made this."
By the standards of a 1970's audience, it had to be PRETTY BAD!
It prolly was The Trial of Billy Jack that I saw in a crowded theater, in 1974. I remember a scene where a kid with prosthetic arms played a guitar under Delores Taylor's tutelage. All four flicks (Born Losers, Billy Jack, The Trial of BJ, BJ Goes to Washington) are available in a box set:
https://www.amazon.com/BILLY-JACK-BOX-SET-4DISCS/dp/B00JBFKAOQ/
Things could be worse, at least you aren't this guy:
https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-14456443/I-high-flying-HR-boss-Im-homeless-Philippines-jungle-fighting-life-rotting-foot-Brits-life-unravels-stabbed-girlfriend-infected-Mpox-lured-botched-exorcism-begs-UK-help.html?ito=social-facebook&fbclid=IwY2xjawI-kF1leHRuA2FlbQIxMAABHWlu-O9nlgGD-dAAqFguE3Re1sHLU-HXkH_Zm31tU3u9ftlUXwfYEuaIoA_aem_6P6vn7HX_67lr8HaIy5bE
Putting aside that this is a ready-made Week That Perished piece (and thank you, Mike, I needed the inspiration), yes - this blighter's plight would make ANYBODY feel better about their own lot in life.
But, but, but . . . The Philippina Pea's channel on YouTube makes it look like the ideal place for western men to escape to. I'll have to see what's up in Mongolia this summer.
Wow! Now that is a tale!
Fucking' hell and those little brown devils are so enticing anyway...
Jungle Asians — half devil and half child, or in Thailand, half woman and half man
For such reasons, I think the PI is preferable to Thailand.
Dave, did you ever consider a camper? You can move from one camping station to another. There must be a whole lot of 'em along the coast!
You know I can't drive, right? so there's that...
But also, Nooch, I just want a room. I don't want any work on my part (like moving locations). A room...a toilet, a shower, a bed. That's all I need. And I'll be happy as a kosher clam.
Roger that, I'm with ya!
No biggie, Dave. Most RV owners can't either.
LOL!!!!
I did think of that, yeah....
The agent will tell you to "stage" the house, make it look all clean and pretty and perfect. Repaint inside and out, new carpets, remodeling, etc. Depending on the breaks, $1 spent on staging can result in $4 in the sale.
Take special care in choosing your new apartment home. They vary tremendously. The Google and Yelp reviews should be taken seriously. How sensitive are you to the California State Stink, marijuana? My building is awesome - I'm on the 11th floor, floor-to-ceiling windows with a view of Venice Beach (two blocks) and the Santa Monica mountains, very peaceful and quiet neighbors. But for 980 sq feet 1 br 1 bath I pay $4000.
Several of the real estate vultures offer to take care of the "staging" for you (that's how desperate they are to rep a house in BH right now). And that's a must for me. I'm not staging a thing at my own expense. If that means I stay here, so be it. This house is a mess; it's a knock-down. People will buy it for the lot. The house is a gonner. I get so many offers each week, I doubt that'll be an issue; Persians and others with the dough.
"People will buy it for the lot. "
Exactly.
The BH address gives you the whip hand. Use it skillfully; opportunities in life are rare, so max each one out.
Good luck!
90% of those who buy into the area buy for the lot, and they put up a McMansion. Mine is one of the few remaining houses from when this tract was built in the 1950s. It's a modest house but a big lot, and whoever wants it will knock this shit flat the day the deal closes!
I agree it sounds like a knockdown so I wouldn't spend a fucking penny on it to entice offers.
As to those offers, tell the agent you want offers in writing from at least three potential buyers and you reserve the right to have them bid against each other - but I suspect you innately know how to bargain with people....
"...whoever wants it will knock this shit flat the day the deal closes!"
FWIW, I agree, and now think what that means for an owner selling/financing an as-is property: NO STAGING. You know that that's what the buyer will do (tear down, max out a new luxury home) although for a while they'll whine about condition--but fuck that:they want the location & lot, and nothing more. It's just posturing, when they talk about condition.
The problem you'll face is that many potential buyers in your area will not *need* to finance much, or at all, which works against seller-financed, but it might be possible to *make* seller financed a condition of sale...
"I *know* you don't need to/want to do owner financed, but if you want this zip code, that's the only way I'll sell it." Of course, make it sound agreeable, but...
This is a whole new area outside your wheelhouse, but if you feel relatively comfortable with it, I know that you're certainly capable of pulling it off, or something close.
Max benefit for you--that's the ticket...
Why owner financing? Make the fuckers put down substantial earnest money that they lose if they can't get a bank loan in 30 days.
Also, make them waive inspection since it is a knockdown.
Dickheads will pretend to buy a property and are just really trying to flip it quick but want to tie up the property with a disguised option.
Because let's say Dave's house is 2.5M. It sure could be more, but...
He gets maybe 10% down in a lump. $250K immediately.
He writes a mortgage for 2.25M for 10 years at 6.5% amortized over 30 years. if he does interest-only he gets >12K per month for the life of the loan (that's 1.5M in total interest, alone) and at the end of 10 years, if he's still alive, he gets a balloon payment of $2.25M.
By then, if he's still living, he is likely to have married an Asian woman and had 6 kids, so he'll have a bit of a college fund for them. I feel sure that he's thinking about that right now, and it'll take a load off of his mind...
If he inherited his house say 5-10 years ago, he's like to have cap gains, and possibly >500K. He'd owe cap gains on anything over the 500K primarily residence exclusion limit. But any such tax obligation would be spread out over the life of the loan. With int-only it won't work as well as a P&I deal, but still it's an advantage.
But if I read Dave right, he has a reverse mortgage on the house so this eliminates owner-financed, to the best of my knowledge.
More great advice. And very needed, and appreciated.
Dave mentioned below how older actors marry young women who then dominate and exploit the oldsters. I gotta give a shout-out for Al Pacino here, he impregnated his girlfriend who is 53 years younger than him, but they have broken up. Good move! Pay the child support, visit the baby and the ex occasionally, but DO NOT marry a woman five decades your junior: you immediately become a figure of ridicule, especially to the younger wife---no one's fault, it's just the nature of age and marriage. Bill Belichick will find out if he's stupid enough to marry his current squeeze:
https://babylonbee.com/news/bill-belichick-puts-girlfriend-in-pack-n-play-til-practice-is-over
"you immediately become a figure of ridicule, especially to the younger wife."
Also, your younger wife becomes your "personal nurse" - Hopefully, she's certified. Enjoy the suppositories!
Hey David! Where's the new TakiMag article?
Never to be seen.
That's ... mysterious. You're not getting cryptic on us, are Ya'?
I question whether Takimag can continue to be a viable business without Ol Dave, though of course, Ann Coulter still writes a nice column.
Yes, but she's not exclusive. Her columns are also on her Substack with hundreds of thousands of subscribers and dozens of other places she syndicates to. I was only on Takimag, in terms of my columns. And good luck finding someone for The Week That Perished who can do a cold fries joke like I can!
Oh shit man! I thought you just got one spicy article spiked or something. I never dreamed that you were "out" out! I'm obviously very disappointed to hear this news. I know you are busy trying to sell your house, and what-not, but don't forget my suggestion for the "Hollywood Insider" beat. I firmly believe you can have a very fruitful second career, despite the " scarlet letter" of your past follies being hung around your neck like an albatross, unfairly and unjustly. Hit me up if you need anything. Cheers my friend!
I do not feel like you can be replaced, there is no other writer with your skill set. Larry David is the only one who comes close!
P.S. The "Ape Bridge" at Westfield Century City Mall was shown several times in the 1991 episode of Columbo with guest star Dabney Coleman entitled, "Columbo and the Murder of a Rock Star." I just watched it.
Thank you for the VERY kind words. And yes - because of Century City's location by the studio HQs, Ape Bridge has been a popular location for shooting, especially in the 1970s when the area wasn't as gentrified so it was cheaper to reserve it for the day.
Dave has written about this specific episode before! He said that Shera Danese, Peter Falk's wife who guest starred on the ep, walked off the show before final scenes could be shot.
But I gotta put in a defense of Ms. Danese here, she was great in the ep, esp. the way she'd look at Dabney Coleman while Columbo was closing in. She looked at him with this glance that was just perfect: a mixture of "Wow, he's getting close to nailing you, not me" and "What are you gonna do about it, big boy?"
Why did Ol Dave say she walked?
They're not economically viable without Dave.
https://miro.medium.com/v2/resize:fit:4800/format:webp/1*eOm3F0HS7gzyvNNwRj9Ucw.jpeg
What, you don't think Dalrymple can carry the site by himself?
I like his writings about traveling the British Empire from London to Istanbul, but that doesn't turn the Greeks a profit. Besides, I cannot envision a Week by him: " The Tea Party turned sour, and the coloured fellow dropped the Axe on the Gaulish Fries' Cook" - or some like that.
LOL!!! That genuinely made me laugh.
I love Mr. D., but he'd be hard pressed to write TWTP:
"At the advanced age I have reached, one would think I would no longer have the capacity to be shocked. Yet I find the complete opposite to be the case: I observe myself becoming utterly disgusted by incidents that would not have disturbed me in the least in my more youthful state. Perhaps one reason is that now I have more leisure, allowing me to turn over in my mind the ramifications of happenstances that are bizarre at best, downright evil at worst. The following incident from the week that perished (perished in reality, that is, though not alas in memory) elucidates this point....."
They made a misteak letting only subscribers read and leave comments. Remember how the comments used to be? There'd be HUNDREDS of comments on a piece, with quite a lively dialogue going on. Now, if you subscribe, you'll see maybe three comments on a piece. Taki's used to be a lively place, now it feels like a backwater.
I remember those days. It was the Golden Age of Taki: Goad, Coulter, Cole, Derbyshire, McInnes, Sailer, etc. (Did I mention Kathy Shaidle?)
Free comments for all.
I hear Bowie's "Golden Years" playing in my head! Those were great days at Taki's!
I loved that movie "Falling Down"!
My favorite line was, "Take shooting lessons, asshole!", right after the 'economically viable' of course...
A good one, but my favorite is,
> "Why not?"
> "Gravity."
When I read Dave's criticism of Groypers, MAGAS, potato-nazis, etc., it often comes to my mind that they fail to acknowledge the basics before embarking on grandiose theories. Really.
If Taki comes to his senses, he will beg Ol Dave to return - we can only hope!