224 Comments
May 7·edited May 7Liked by David Cole

Ghost writers... that's some spooky shit! Which reminds me of this great treatment I have for the movie "American Werewolf in London", but in my version, the Werewolves are the good guys! It's basically "Resident Evil" meets "Evil Dead", featuring a cameo by an AI rendered Evel Knievel. I'll send you a copy, it's right in your wheelhouse!

Switching gears for minute- I guess I can kinda understand high profile political types, i.e. candidates, feeding their life story to a competent ghost writer, to polish it, and publish it, and support the illusion that their IQ is at least three digits, but the average pseudo-political professional pundit? In a way, you almost have to pity the illiterates... or not.

Kristi Noem really stepped in it on this! Is she the only breathing broad in America that DOESN'T know how much Americans love their dogs? Or did she think she was going to out do Romney, with his "tying the dog kennel to the car roof" story? Also, as yet another aside... I don't believe that Kristi could shoot and kill a dog, even an untrainable, malevolent mutt. It takes a hard heart to whack a pet, and I don't think Kristi has the sand for that kind of wet work. Hell, she was afraid to outlaw trannies in girl's sports, because she "didn't want to get sued by the NCAA", talk about a coward.

Nope, I'll bet that she thought, it would make her look like a "bad bitch" (her, not the dog), the kind of lass that can make the bacon, scramble it up in a pan, and then go smoke Fido for shitting on the carpet, again.

This is why, despite everything, political instincts DO MATTER! She doesn't even have the good sense to know that this was not going to make her look "tough" (like, I could totally nuke Iran, I shot a helpless dog), and would instead, draw comparisons to Jeffrey Dahmer.

Just further proof that women have no business trying to "lead", they'll just muck it up, by trying to be "butch", so men will think that she is just as tough as they are. (not that shooting a dog is "tough", it's actually always a sad event, just ask Atticus Finch).

Poor Kristi... I guess, even with ghost writers, you get what you pay for. She should have reached out to me! I'd have had her competing in the Kumite and killing Frank Dux in the ring with a powerful 360 degree jumping flying spinning head kick, while still looking foxy, and having great hair!

Oh, shit, that fits in perfectly for the end of "Resident Evil Dead in London"! Gotta go!

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Gotta include zombies if you want Dave to make your movie. And make it a comedy — Dave can’t resist a good zom-com!

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author

LOL!!!!

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And make it a wrestling picture. You could probably get John Goodman to star

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May 10Liked by David Cole

" Hell, she was afraid to outlaw trannies in girl's sports, because she "didn't want to get sued by the NCAA", talk about a coward."

You mean she's soft in the face of power, even, or especially, when it's immoral? Why wouldn't such a person be heartless?

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Well, she's definitely soft in the face of power, and if she had any actual morals, versus just being a craven, hungry for power politician, her morals might reveal themselves, at least sometimes, when it's neither convenient nor popular. As far as being "heartless", I'm sure she is, but the act of doing nothing, is an easy and convenient way to be heartless; Shooting a dog, first hand, takes much more than being heartless and primarily, lazy. I suspect that at best, one person in a hundred, could actually take a dog out into a field, and shoot it dead. As I stated, I don't believe she has the sand for that type of wet work.

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Who in their right mind would brag about killing Fido. Implies she may be an imbecile.

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May 7Liked by David Cole

I read TWTP yesterday - well done, as always. I emailed the editor at Taki and asked where your column was and noted how much I look forward to it every week. I received an email with a link to the column. No explanation, just a link.

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Emailing the editor was the best thing you could have done, and I'm truly grateful for that. It's a funny thing with writers. People who enjoy our work email us directly, but people who hate our work email our editors ("FIRE HIM! BOOOOO!"). As a result, most editors only see the negative comments. So when anybody who enjoys my work contacts my editor, it does more good than you can imagine.

And for the record, I also have received no explanation as to why The Week didn't run.

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I had no idea I could email the editor! I would've done it long ago! And I'll complain that "my Sunday was RUINED because I couldn't wake up w/ Dave!!!' Boo-hoo!!!

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May 8Liked by David Cole

Good to know and you should know it is the main reason I subscribe to Taki,

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That truly means a lot to me, Vera. Thank you!

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I read it today and will email the editor as well!!

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That means a lot. Thank you!

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I got a kick out of the Cal Tinenbergen (sp?) op-ed, and I LOVED the fact that the local artist backed you! I looked her up (distracting myself from work at hand!) and saw that she , like myself, spent 25 years as a decorative painter. That explains it! Decorative painters are the "tradesmen" of the art world. We have a lot in common w/ construction workers/contractors. I have observed that the only "artsy" people that are at all pragmatic and not living in a blue bubble are the decorative painters. many Libertarians and quite a few Trumpers. Basically artists who figured out how to pay their own way w/out having to declare themselves part of a victim group!

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A REALLY fascinating observation! Thank you!

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The week that perished, perished?

Seriously, the "he so black" jokes made me laugh. Thank you, Dave!

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My pleasure!

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May 8Liked by David Cole

I hire a ghostwriter for all my comments here on Substack. He is underpaid but incredibly good looking. Honestly, who has the time to write their own comments on websites anymore?

Even MLK had ghostwriters. He didn't kill his dogs but he did smack his hookers around. He probably wouldn't have let that detail get put in his ghostwritten memoirs though. It is best to hire quality proofreaders to check your autobiography when you hire other people to write it and don't feel like reading it yourself.

Nobody likes people who are mean to their dogs and I think everyone can agree that if folks would treat their animals as well as Hitler treated his dogs, the world would be a better place.

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deletedMay 8
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May 9Liked by David Cole

My goodness. I didn't realize my ghostwriter had written that comment about Hitler. Rest assured, disciplinary actions will be taken and my team is working on corrections.

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To be honest, I am still coping with the fact that you write TWTP and not Taki himself. I was so psyched a 90ish Greek tycoon wrote that stinging commentary, only to find out it was…you. 😳

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May 8Liked by David Cole

Agonizing over every word - some of us do that too much which is why we rarely publish anything that doesn't have a hard deadline and financial consequences (or rewards), or otherwise need saying by us in particular. Could be worse - some writers can't even find enough impetus from that - As Douglas Adams was wont to say, "I love deadlines, especially the whizzing sound they make as they fly by." This is why he published so damned little, even though he was quite gifted as comic writers went.

This may have been brought up elsewhere already, but Noem narrated the audio-book of her bio, so she knew damned well about the doggo story before any book copies were even on the streets. Just as well, she already prooved a waffle on dealing with the trans whackos.

But that does go to a point I was making years ago when Republicans were still wildly enthusiastic about Chris Christie, back when he was still seen as tough and successful governor: don't get all tingly when your new pol-idol meets with initial success, they're often just collecting the low-hanging fruit. Christie was a case in point: New Jersey's schools were an infamous trainwreck, and the Democrats (who had Jersey locked up), were not about to say "boo" to the teachers' union. Plus they had just lost a couple of governors to corruption and sex scandals. So the climate was right to let the Republicans have a crack at fixing the schools (which the Dems knew needed fixing, and would say so off the record). Christie was therefore teed up for success - he could ram through teacher pay reforms and claw back union excesses while the Dems could pretend to oppose such measures - classic win-win, right? Anyone who knew Jersey politics even a little knew what was happening, and that Christie would otherwise be a staunch centrist for the rest of his term. He got the low hanging fruit.

But nationally, suddenly Christie was a savior, and a darling on the Right in the run up to the 2012 primaries, right before the gleam wore off, and he became a centrist human again.

Noem kinda reminds me of that - looks great because she gets some easy early victories, then turns out to be another politician, dogged by scandal, with her future career cur-tailed.

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author

Great, trenchant comment. Thank you, Skip.

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CUR-tailed — HAR!!!

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Oh, and also cur-TAILED, it just occurred to me — DOUBLE HAR!

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May 9Liked by David Cole

Jeff Garlin should play Chris Christie in a biopic--- he'd be especially perfect sitting in that chair on a cordoned-off beach!

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May 9Liked by David Cole

Oh my, yes, he definitely fits the bill.

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The whole Kristi Noem thing made me remember this scene:

https://youtu.be/7vLxkceo5DA

Don´t die just yet, Dave Cole. You´re mission is not complete.

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May 9·edited May 9Liked by David Cole

Reminded me of an outrageous short Ken Russell made, titled 'A Kitten for Hitler':

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fu-KncLqDjs

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May 9Liked by David Cole

I showed that vid last night to one of my kids when we were talking politics - they loved it!

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https://youtu.be/40zcGhvekhs

watch now before it vanishes!

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That was delightful! Thank you Gunther!!

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Cute dogs and Hitler. What could go wrong.

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I love the "Method acting" reprimand!

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Yes! And leave it to the Germans to make suck a perfect dead pooch ...

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Hey Gunther-- where did that delightful "Hitler shots a puppy" clip come from? It's really brilliant!

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author

LOL!!!!

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May 7Liked by David Cole

My former boss was asked to do a ghostwriting gig and asked me to research the role for her. As soon as I found out what they’re paid, I nearly quit my job on the spot.

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May 7Liked by David Cole

Sooooo….there are ghostwriters for ghostwriters? Turtles all the way down, I guess. No wonder they make so much. Gotta pass down the skim. I’m starting to feel like Chuck Heston in Soylent Green - the more you think you know the less you actually know. Is nothing sacred anymore? Well, certainly not Kristi Noem’s book, anyway…

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It actually makes me angry. I wish I could say more, but I honestly can't betray the confidences of those I know who are in that racket.

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I think it's like being a session musician. All those "albums" people bought thinking they were hearing their favs play? Not so much!

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Great analogy, Kate. I never would've thought to put it that way, but you hit it square on the head, better than I could've.

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I dated a piano player back in the day. He was an asshole, but honest. My illusions were dashed. I won't name names either, but suffice it to say- people who you think are totally authentic-are often not! Or at least the producers (publishers) don't think they can cut it!

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Dave, maybe you should get into the racket! But perhaps you'd see it as selling your soul, which I can totally understand.

When you're young you'll do anything for money: kill oldsters for the Khmer Rouge, dump toxic waste in the ocean, ANYTHING, so long as it enables you to afford a house, spouse, kids, etc. But when you're older and more economically secure, if you don't feel good about doing something, no matter how small the reason ("the commute kinda sucks"), fuhgeaboutit....

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May 7Liked by David Cole

In hindsight Noem shouldn't have hired Dr Fauci to be her ghostwriter.

Great job as usual. No group of people I despise more right now than groypers doing the "we wuz Aryanz" shtick.

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author

Agreed. And LOL! on the Fauci comment!

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Glad to get TWTP later than never. Takimag is the first thing I read on awakening, even before my first beer. Now I'm worried that we may need a "sponsor this (emotional) child" campaign for you.

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author

LOL!!!! Hopefully things aren't THAT bad.

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May 8Liked by David Cole

I always get a kick out of the hand-wringers who cry about missions like the Dresden raid and the Hiroshima/Nagasaki raids. Why is it worse to kill thousands at once with big bombs than one at a time with rifles? Because in the end, the Allies would have had to send soldiers to kill those people one at a time while being shot at themselves. If you don't want your cities incinerated by a vengeful enemy, don't start a fucking war. Related note: If an American pilot drops a 2000-lb bomb on a person he gets a medal. If he shoots a white phosphorus rocket at that person he goes to jail. Our thoughts on war and killing are counterproductive and childish.

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REALLY great comment, Patrick. I may quote it in a column.

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May 8·edited May 8Liked by David Cole

I was looking for TWTP on Sunday - glad it finally turned up.

Years ago, when I had a crappy temp job, I wrote for the content mills. Particularly about the history of sports, which seemed an odd category. But yeah: everything's ghost-written. I used to agonize over every word too when it was a sport I knew almost nothing about (soccer, ice hockey); at some point I realized my name's not attached to this and someone should be proofing it anyway. So I was able to calm down a little bit.

In Noem's case my bet is that her ghostwriter is more left-wing than she is, and deliberately encouraged her to include things that make her look bad. "Shooting the puppy makes it look like you'll be tough on crime - people love that!"

Did you see the Tom Brady roast? The writers gave him a Taylor Swift joke, and predictably the Swifties attacked him the day after it aired. "It will make you look hip! It's kind of related to football!" They don't like the QB who seems a little weird (WTF with that fear of strawberries?) and who used to have a MAGA hat in his locker, so they set him up.

Writers can be very petty that way.

I hope you're doing some kind of creative writing or journaling about your ordeals somewhere. If it hurts, if it's tough, use it. I'd also love to know what you think about the Baby Reindeer phenomenon. The creator/star made his stalker too identifiable, and she's talking to the UK press now. Netflix didn't ask him to vague it up a bit, and now it looks like this woman may go back to or escalate her previous behavior.

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May 8·edited May 8Liked by David Cole

Hey Dave, maybe you should lay off the damned 99 cent burritos for while. I used to eat that crap too, but no more, at 61 years of age I feel pretty good. I feel so good in fact, that I am going to travel to the land of my dreams . . . Mongolia. I'll be leaving after I get the DHS Global Entry program background check and interview done, the wheels of bureaucracy grind slowly but inexorably. I hear airag, fermented mares milk, is real great stuff, I'll let you know. Maybe I'll hook up with a fine Mongolian biker chick in Ulaanbaatar, if she happens to be a nose picker, what the hell, I can get used to almost anything. Now, if I can just get my bean to finish painting the house, my other beans did a damn good job replacing the roof and siding.

Speaking of Mongolian biker chicks: https://youtu.be/nI3NYzu3B0M

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author

LOL!!!!!

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May 8·edited May 8Liked by David Cole

Yeah, stay away from Taco Sludge! You're going to emigrate to Mongolia? Nothing wrong with nose-picking, nor booger-eating either!

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Tip from a professional casting director of almost 40 years (me): Beautiful actresses who'd pick their nose at an audition were my nightmare because they were both the best and worst people to hire. Best in that they clearly lacked inhibitions in a room full of people, meaning they could be loose and unguarded on a film set and give an honest performance. Worst in that they were usually schizophrenic.

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May 8Liked by David Cole

Dave - Ann Coulter is sensational as a writer, but I have always wondered why she never married.

Obviously, you would never reveal anything she privately said to you, but do you have any insight?

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Well, why did I never marry?

Oh, right........chronic rickets. So many rickets. And it's highly contagious.

That's not Ann's reason, but I'm just making the point that we all want different things out of life.

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May 9Liked by David Cole

Did you see the clip with Ann and Vivek where she tells him "I wouldn't vote for you because you are an Indian"?

Ann is a national treasure.

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author

LOL!!!!

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May 8Liked by David Cole

I think she would have a hard time living with anybody....

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May 8Liked by David Cole

Probably - but I just figured when she got famous she didn't trust anyone.

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May 8Liked by David Cole

She's used to hanging with Supreme Court-level types--- maybe if Felix Frankfurter was reincarnated she'd be smitten.....

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Maybe it s because Ann Coulter is more than a little bit of a mean male bashing bitch ! She was to me!

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May 13Liked by David Cole

Well, at least you got to meet her!

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May 8·edited May 8Liked by David Cole

I’m sorry why did you get banned from twatter? Kristi‘’s hella dumb. Why didn’t she say that she shot the dog because it had cancer and was in pain, or got rabies? Like Ol Yeller.

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May 8·edited May 8Liked by David Cole

Say His Name! Cricket!

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May 8Liked by David Cole

You mentioned St. George in the Week that Perished; I wish my old neighborhood in New Orleans seceded from the city like that (I remember an attempt in the 90s but it went nowhere)

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Beverly Hills has its own PD, so we're good in that sense. But Covid and then BLM showed us the risks we face sharing a health dept. and district attorney with the entire county. There's a movement to create our own health dept. (like Pasadena, which, though in the county, didn't have to follow L.A.'s idiocy on Covid). If Gascon gets defeated by Hochman in November, that problem will solve itself.

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Dave, that's better than Pasadena, where I lived until 2020. They have their own health dept that went absolutely mental during COVID. They made all the eldercare homes replace bar soap with pump soap, on the theory the virus could be hiding in the soapy water that collects under bar soap. (Which...is still mostly soap...which killed the virus, no?)The higher-up staff at these homes in Pasadena were just on conference calls with the health department all the time. And they were sending their more competent non-caregiver staff on these ridiculous errands to find and buy up as much pump soap as possible (ordering it wasn't good enough, more of a "replace it now!" thing).

Pasadena was also home to idiotic BLM socially distanced protests. Middle-class keyboard warriors would all park their cars in front of city hall and honk their horns at...something? I don't think anyone was even working at City Hall at the time, because of the pandemic. All it did was annoy the few open businesses and residents within earshot. Pasadena was utterly ridiculous by 2020 - I still miss things about it, but I doubt I'll ever go back. Beverly Hills seems a much saner place. I used to work with someone who rented in Bev Hills even though she could afford to buy in other parts of the county. Her take was "are you nuts the schools are so much better!"

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author

Great comment, and very true!

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May 8Liked by David Cole

It was so disappointing when Buckhead's attempt to secede from Atlanta failed.

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