The story about Lizzo agreeing with Trump that Kamala WILL turn America into Detroit, but that's a good thing. Seems tailor-made for Week that Perished
Great job as always. Did you see the story in the UK of a migrant who raped and killed a woman using a novel legal defense: It wasn't rape because she was dead when he had his way with her.
It is good to have a Dave rant to enjoy, I was having withdrawal symptoms caused by your absence.
Rosie, at least she had a nice nose(ie), I am noticing women's noses a lot lately, I don't know why this happened? You could have used Len Lesser's face to conceal Rosie's artsy nudes.
LOL! At the time I did those, Vigoda and Borgnine were still alive, and a few people tagged them on FB, but I don't think they ran their own pages. But it would've been funny had one of them replied to the photo. And indeed, Rosie's face was Disney Princess material (classic Disney, not DEI Disney).
A non-DEI Disney princess for sure. Disney ought to make a flick about my mentor, Genghis, it could be great. But they would have to be all stupid, and half the cast would be black.
Hey, it might be better casted than "The Conqueror" made in 1956, Howard Hughes produced, Dick Powell directed, starred John Wayne, co-stars Susan Hayward, Agnes Moorehead & Pedro Armendariz.
Hi David! I dropped a few suds in the icebox, dear friend. I implore that you put your heart to paper. Once a year, I read One Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovich. Why? Because the voice of Solzhenitsyn cries out to me that censorship can NEVER kill the spirit! So many of us respect your gift.
I'm truly grateful for friends & readers like you, Terry. You brighten up my day, more than just with the beers, but with your incredibly kind words. My sincere thanks, good friend.
Dave - 750ml wine bottles in your calculation? If you’re not buying at least 1.5L bottles your dollars to buzz ratio will be out of whack. In any event, allow me to buy you a reasonably priced whatever of your choice.
Many thanks, Brian! And yeah, but my local store doesn't always stock 1.5L wine. I'll have to find a new source! The Jap market nearby has 2L sake at a good price. They don't deliver, but I'm sure I can pick 'em up some other way.
Problem is any of the big sized ones taste like crap. Even though mid priced Merlots $15-25 are some of the best affordable reds on the market. I can see why the Paul Giamatti character dissed the grape in Sideways, the cheap under $10 bottles of Merlot tend to taste substantially worse than an equivalent priced Zinfandel or Petite Syrah. Merlot prices crashed due to the bad publicity of that movie and it turns out that it went unexplained during the screenplay that the reason he hated it was actually because it was his ex-wife's favorite.
Although I hope all this talk from D.C. about booze is an exagerated joke, this "beer" they sell in the stores is not the same beer your father drank during the Howard Kosell Monday Night Football games 40 years back. This stuff now has practically a high enough ABV content to pour in your gas tank.
I don't drink red, but regardless, I'm WAY past the point where taste matters. I drink to get drunk. Trust me, once you've gone enough years on CVS vodka and rum, you're not capable of appreciating taste.
Well, you'd love the selection at the liquor and lottery hood joints in the decaying small rust belt cities where the brothers are able to somehow exchange food stamps for booze. They have a thorough selection of the cheap stuff, all kept behind bulletproof glass. In town there is a click of Egyptians who run several of these. The brothers all know they are Egyptians and know exactly what they look like, yet somehow also believe that it was soul brothers straight out of "Roots" who built the Pyramids and were the Pharaohs too. I guess that comes from watching that Michael Jackson video back in the day where he cast Eddie Murphy and Iman as Pharaoh and his wife.
Dave, embrace the flow! You are getting to the age where regular micturition is the best way to keep the ol' prostate healthy. At 70 I drink dark beer from the time I get out of bed to the time I go back to bed. Sure I get up at least once a night to water the bushes beneath my deck but I never stand there waiting and wondering.
Why not get a chamberpot, then you can pee without turning on the light? Isn't turning on the light what breaks you out of the dreamworld so that you can't get back to sleep?
Naw, the light's got nothing to do with it. After all, I sleep a lot during the day; I'm used to light and sleep. It's just the "act" of being awake. The state of no longer being asleep. That's what I struggle to come back from. And c'mon, man...I'm a clean freak. I'm not gonna piss without washing my hands afterwards.
Wouldn't a bottle of Purell next to the c.p. take care of the cleanliness concern?
I marvel that at 62 I've finally learned, from this blog, that "They just don't and they never will" is the definitive answer to the question, "Why don't other people see the world exactly like I do?"
In theory, Purell might. But I just don't like having open urine sitting around me (yes, it's clean coming out, but it doesn't stay that way when exposed to air. Or have you never smelled a public stairway in a city with bums?). L.A. always tries to convince us not to flush urine, to "save the environment." Fuck that; I flush.
I hear ya. I've had "can fall asleep, can't stay asleep" insomnia since my teen years. Some booze types just seem to turn that problem part of my brain off and I sleep like a baby, but not all of them. Like certain beers, and oddly enough tequila. But it catches up to me way quicker than you, so I'm forced to be moderate or I'd go out of business. And all the OTC or Rx meds make me "hung-over," too. Only thing that really works is hard exercise but I'm a sole prop, I work *a lot.* How do you sleep in your dry times?
In my dry times I just have to let my body get SO tired that it sleeps because it's too worn out. That might mean being up 24 hours, or longer. I don't "force" it; but I know from 56 years of this shit that going to bed not-tired is the worst thing I can do. I get MORE awake that way. So I write, I clean, I do household projects, watch films, whatever, until my body is finally ready. But with booze, I can "put myself down" anytime, and if I'm awakened in the middle of a sleep, a few good gulps and I'm back to slumber. I started drinking steadily for sleep in 2003 after my doctor gave me Ambien and I was like, "I think this will kill me because it's only been a week and I'm already building up a tolerance which means if I stay on it I'll have to keep upping the dose." So I ditched the pills and tried wine instead and it just really agreed with me. Then around 2005 I switched to hard liquor.
Woof. I've tried melatonin (hit and miss), klonopin (unacceptable tolerance build), valerian, diphenhydramine, chamomile, hydroxyzine (the best of the bunch, low hangover and low tolerance build), and even catnip. Probably other stuff I forgot. Nothing hits like tequila, or Voodoo Ranger Juice Force IPA specifically (and I don't like IPAs, but the chemistry seems to work). Never did Ambien because I used to sleep-walk as a teen into my 20s, and I read crazy stuff aboout sleepwalk history and Ambien. Insomnia is a bitch.
Insomnia is rough! Family history of it here. I din't mind it too much when I was younger and could bounce back- not so much now!!
I used to sometimes have to couch surf when I taught in NYC but lived 2 hrs. away. Teaching a few back to back classes on no sleep was brutal. That's when I discovered Ambien. It was my go to for years, but I was lucky, I was able to reduce my dose to 1/3 of a pill (about 3 mg) only when needed. I had to pretty much move on from even that because it raises BP. Now my trick is- GREATLY reduced caffeine intake (it was my drug of choice!) and melatonin- cup of herb tea w/ it (and/or valerian) when I want to start "shutting off" and one timed-release tablet just before bed.
I also keep electronics out of bedroom- until wake up time!
Booze has always worked like a charm for me. I'd tried everything - pharma, herbal, yoga, etc. Nothing worked. When I discovered booze in 2003, it was magic. But a liver can only take so much.
First! Good rant today. Good you’re on the wagon. For me, I just can’t take the paint thinner alcohol and I can’t drink vodka at all. The smell is enough to nauseate me. For hard booze I like the liter bottle of scotch at Trader Joe’s for $10 but alcohol doesn’t like me anymore either.
Trey Parker & Matt Stone’s raison d’etre is to offend as many people as possible with their brilliant satire. South Park is must see TV, just as Dave is Tuesday and Saturday must read blog. All three of you leave no sacred cow un-stoned.
Consider taking one of those apps which will animate you into a live action cartoon and you’ll fast be back in the game. People love cartoons. We understand them. We hate that annoying Road Runner and empathize with Wile E. because he’s merely a coyote trying to get a meal, but we cruelty laugh when an anvil flattens him. Ok. That last part is a stretch but hopefully you get my point.
The story about HBCUs (a product of Jim Crow beloved by people who otherwise see Klan hoods in everything) reminded me of "Good Will Smith Hunting": https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WqOmbFcJ49A
Hi Dave. I missed you. The body is only going to take a certain amount of abuse before it starts calling you some very rude names. You can try the wine thing. Hell, it might work for a while. And then it will probably slam you face first into a wall. If you do take up coffee, please make it the good stuff. Cheap booze I can deal with, good coffee is the elixir of life. And the Rosie pics? That there is some funny shit.
Thank you, Sandy. I'll keep everyone up-to-date on the wino "experiment." Personally, I'd be happy to just get through Thanksgiving/Christmas drunk. It's my favorite time of year and I prefer it in a happy haze.
I used to be REALLY into coffee. Ground my own beans and everything. So I may need to return to that if wine fails me.
I had two guys here doing some outside work and they were working hard. At one point I offered them coffee. I them asked them what kind of bean and went through the list of what I had available. They looked at me like I was crazy. One of the few things I'll spend extra on is good coffee. If I could spend more time in a happy haze, I would. Driving, power tools and such do not go well with happy hazes.
That works for my morning coffee, which is when I stick to plain, but decent Columbian beans. Later in the day is when I start concocting and a good bean is a must. And sometimes I just want a plain espresso, also demands a good bean. I have a friend that owns a coffee shop, she would argue that good coffee is never a waste of money.
Martyr Made / Daryl Cooper dropped your name briefly on the 10/14 episode of the J. Burden Show (a good stream; wide variety of guests, Burden is a natural, "transparent" interviewer). About 7:50 into that episode - "if you were in school and you were to say to the teacher, 'yeah I've been on the internet, I've been reading some David Cole, I don't believe the textbook about WWII,' you wouldn't just get corrected, unlike questioning WWI, you'd get in trouble."
Mentioning it as if I recall you'd noted Cooper leaned heavily on you while on Tucker but never cited you, and now this entry's about people referencing you. And it was funny to hear.
I run in those circles mostly as a nobody, occasionally as an absurdist performance-art super-chatter. At worst they'd see my long follow history, etc. Might have to DM him, "bro, your hero David Cole is so impressed, bro." And see what happens. Hehehe.
First unsub..."Amy Harding."
It's okay, I like her cousin Amy Softing better.
I heard that Amy only charges $5 per session, so I feel sorry for her.
LOL!!!!!!!
And worth *almost* every cent
Dave, these unsub's are gonna cause me to sign up with Proton Mail so I can be a tri- subscriber, I shall call myself Legion > for we are many !!!
You know that you won't do it, lazy bastard that you are !!!
Now you done went and pissed me off, oh wait, I am a lazy ass . . . never mind.
Trump was cooking french fries at a McDonalds today. There's a cold ass fries joke in there somewhere.
My mind went exactly there! Something about "why would he risk ANOTHER assassination attempt?"
"They're frying the dogs, they're frying the cats, they're frying the pets of the people who live there..."
LOL!!!!
Me too! I thought of Lakisha going ballistic on him for serving her cold 🍟
The story about Lizzo agreeing with Trump that Kamala WILL turn America into Detroit, but that's a good thing. Seems tailor-made for Week that Perished
Ha! I hadn't seen that yet. Thanks for the tip!
"Resilient": that's what cities run into the ground by Democrats always call themselves (New Orleans may as well change its name to "New Resilient"): https://www.rollingstone.com/music/music-news/lizzo-kamala-harris-detroit-early-vote-trump-clap-back-1235138084/
Beat me to it!
Great job as always. Did you see the story in the UK of a migrant who raped and killed a woman using a novel legal defense: It wasn't rape because she was dead when he had his way with her.
I'll have to use that one!
https://www.bbc.com/news/articles/cj9jkvymvw7o
Believe this was the case in question.
Looks like a relative of Ilhan Omar.
or a "dusky" version of those brainiac big headed aliens on Star trek!!
I thought that, too!
Sex with a dead woman? Kinda' like marriage!
Ba-dum-BUM!
It is good to have a Dave rant to enjoy, I was having withdrawal symptoms caused by your absence.
Rosie, at least she had a nice nose(ie), I am noticing women's noses a lot lately, I don't know why this happened? You could have used Len Lesser's face to conceal Rosie's artsy nudes.
LOL! At the time I did those, Vigoda and Borgnine were still alive, and a few people tagged them on FB, but I don't think they ran their own pages. But it would've been funny had one of them replied to the photo. And indeed, Rosie's face was Disney Princess material (classic Disney, not DEI Disney).
A non-DEI Disney princess for sure. Disney ought to make a flick about my mentor, Genghis, it could be great. But they would have to be all stupid, and half the cast would be black.
Hey, it might be better casted than "The Conqueror" made in 1956, Howard Hughes produced, Dick Powell directed, starred John Wayne, co-stars Susan Hayward, Agnes Moorehead & Pedro Armendariz.
"Yer bah-utiful in yer wrath!". Hughes used to watch The Conqueror over and over again in his last days.
Made him even crazier.
Yeah, I was wondering if Dave was alright after nothing on substack for a couple weeks
Dave alright ? Now, that would be tragic !!!
It would be good if Substack would allow commenters to italicize and boldface .
Rosie, for all her faults, was a pretty little thing.
Fuck the bitch anyway!
Pretty and clever (in an evil way). Sadly, I was a sucker for that.
Dave is only working at Takimag by the grace of a Greek god
Dave, can you Elephantmanitize Rosie? Cuz that would be HOT!
THAT app will take some work...
Take care of yourself [David Cole] - you never know when the world will need you. — Hillel…and me
Thank you!
Hi David! I dropped a few suds in the icebox, dear friend. I implore that you put your heart to paper. Once a year, I read One Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovich. Why? Because the voice of Solzhenitsyn cries out to me that censorship can NEVER kill the spirit! So many of us respect your gift.
I'm truly grateful for friends & readers like you, Terry. You brighten up my day, more than just with the beers, but with your incredibly kind words. My sincere thanks, good friend.
Dave - 750ml wine bottles in your calculation? If you’re not buying at least 1.5L bottles your dollars to buzz ratio will be out of whack. In any event, allow me to buy you a reasonably priced whatever of your choice.
Many thanks, Brian! And yeah, but my local store doesn't always stock 1.5L wine. I'll have to find a new source! The Jap market nearby has 2L sake at a good price. They don't deliver, but I'm sure I can pick 'em up some other way.
Problem is any of the big sized ones taste like crap. Even though mid priced Merlots $15-25 are some of the best affordable reds on the market. I can see why the Paul Giamatti character dissed the grape in Sideways, the cheap under $10 bottles of Merlot tend to taste substantially worse than an equivalent priced Zinfandel or Petite Syrah. Merlot prices crashed due to the bad publicity of that movie and it turns out that it went unexplained during the screenplay that the reason he hated it was actually because it was his ex-wife's favorite.
Although I hope all this talk from D.C. about booze is an exagerated joke, this "beer" they sell in the stores is not the same beer your father drank during the Howard Kosell Monday Night Football games 40 years back. This stuff now has practically a high enough ABV content to pour in your gas tank.
I don't drink red, but regardless, I'm WAY past the point where taste matters. I drink to get drunk. Trust me, once you've gone enough years on CVS vodka and rum, you're not capable of appreciating taste.
Well, you'd love the selection at the liquor and lottery hood joints in the decaying small rust belt cities where the brothers are able to somehow exchange food stamps for booze. They have a thorough selection of the cheap stuff, all kept behind bulletproof glass. In town there is a click of Egyptians who run several of these. The brothers all know they are Egyptians and know exactly what they look like, yet somehow also believe that it was soul brothers straight out of "Roots" who built the Pyramids and were the Pharaohs too. I guess that comes from watching that Michael Jackson video back in the day where he cast Eddie Murphy and Iman as Pharaoh and his wife.
LOL! I remember laughing at the absurdity of that video when it came out. Magic Johnson was in it too, if I recall correctly.
Dave, embrace the flow! You are getting to the age where regular micturition is the best way to keep the ol' prostate healthy. At 70 I drink dark beer from the time I get out of bed to the time I go back to bed. Sure I get up at least once a night to water the bushes beneath my deck but I never stand there waiting and wondering.
I started drinking in the first place to battle my crippling lifelong insomnia. When I get up to pee, I can't get back to sleep.
Why not get a chamberpot, then you can pee without turning on the light? Isn't turning on the light what breaks you out of the dreamworld so that you can't get back to sleep?
Naw, the light's got nothing to do with it. After all, I sleep a lot during the day; I'm used to light and sleep. It's just the "act" of being awake. The state of no longer being asleep. That's what I struggle to come back from. And c'mon, man...I'm a clean freak. I'm not gonna piss without washing my hands afterwards.
Wouldn't a bottle of Purell next to the c.p. take care of the cleanliness concern?
I marvel that at 62 I've finally learned, from this blog, that "They just don't and they never will" is the definitive answer to the question, "Why don't other people see the world exactly like I do?"
In theory, Purell might. But I just don't like having open urine sitting around me (yes, it's clean coming out, but it doesn't stay that way when exposed to air. Or have you never smelled a public stairway in a city with bums?). L.A. always tries to convince us not to flush urine, to "save the environment." Fuck that; I flush.
I hear ya. I've had "can fall asleep, can't stay asleep" insomnia since my teen years. Some booze types just seem to turn that problem part of my brain off and I sleep like a baby, but not all of them. Like certain beers, and oddly enough tequila. But it catches up to me way quicker than you, so I'm forced to be moderate or I'd go out of business. And all the OTC or Rx meds make me "hung-over," too. Only thing that really works is hard exercise but I'm a sole prop, I work *a lot.* How do you sleep in your dry times?
In my dry times I just have to let my body get SO tired that it sleeps because it's too worn out. That might mean being up 24 hours, or longer. I don't "force" it; but I know from 56 years of this shit that going to bed not-tired is the worst thing I can do. I get MORE awake that way. So I write, I clean, I do household projects, watch films, whatever, until my body is finally ready. But with booze, I can "put myself down" anytime, and if I'm awakened in the middle of a sleep, a few good gulps and I'm back to slumber. I started drinking steadily for sleep in 2003 after my doctor gave me Ambien and I was like, "I think this will kill me because it's only been a week and I'm already building up a tolerance which means if I stay on it I'll have to keep upping the dose." So I ditched the pills and tried wine instead and it just really agreed with me. Then around 2005 I switched to hard liquor.
Woof. I've tried melatonin (hit and miss), klonopin (unacceptable tolerance build), valerian, diphenhydramine, chamomile, hydroxyzine (the best of the bunch, low hangover and low tolerance build), and even catnip. Probably other stuff I forgot. Nothing hits like tequila, or Voodoo Ranger Juice Force IPA specifically (and I don't like IPAs, but the chemistry seems to work). Never did Ambien because I used to sleep-walk as a teen into my 20s, and I read crazy stuff aboout sleepwalk history and Ambien. Insomnia is a bitch.
Ain't it just.
Insomnia is rough! Family history of it here. I din't mind it too much when I was younger and could bounce back- not so much now!!
I used to sometimes have to couch surf when I taught in NYC but lived 2 hrs. away. Teaching a few back to back classes on no sleep was brutal. That's when I discovered Ambien. It was my go to for years, but I was lucky, I was able to reduce my dose to 1/3 of a pill (about 3 mg) only when needed. I had to pretty much move on from even that because it raises BP. Now my trick is- GREATLY reduced caffeine intake (it was my drug of choice!) and melatonin- cup of herb tea w/ it (and/or valerian) when I want to start "shutting off" and one timed-release tablet just before bed.
I also keep electronics out of bedroom- until wake up time!
Booze has always worked like a charm for me. I'd tried everything - pharma, herbal, yoga, etc. Nothing worked. When I discovered booze in 2003, it was magic. But a liver can only take so much.
First! Good rant today. Good you’re on the wagon. For me, I just can’t take the paint thinner alcohol and I can’t drink vodka at all. The smell is enough to nauseate me. For hard booze I like the liter bottle of scotch at Trader Joe’s for $10 but alcohol doesn’t like me anymore either.
Trey Parker & Matt Stone’s raison d’etre is to offend as many people as possible with their brilliant satire. South Park is must see TV, just as Dave is Tuesday and Saturday must read blog. All three of you leave no sacred cow un-stoned.
Consider taking one of those apps which will animate you into a live action cartoon and you’ll fast be back in the game. People love cartoons. We understand them. We hate that annoying Road Runner and empathize with Wile E. because he’s merely a coyote trying to get a meal, but we cruelty laugh when an anvil flattens him. Ok. That last part is a stretch but hopefully you get my point.
Love the idea, Lisa! I am sort of like the original Krazy Kat - always getting a brick to the head, but never giving up!
And neither did Wile E. Coyote! He persevered.
The story about HBCUs (a product of Jim Crow beloved by people who otherwise see Klan hoods in everything) reminded me of "Good Will Smith Hunting": https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WqOmbFcJ49A
Oh yeah, one of THE classic bits. Just as funny being described as it would've been had they actually made it. Always makes me laugh.
Someone should animate it in the style of Fat Albert.
LOL!!!!
Sonny- that is PRICELESS! My hubby just spit out his coffee! Who was that doing the story pitch
?
The miraculously-still-alive Artie Lange
"in the Deep South, “fine institution” often means “functional outhouse”"
I'll have you know, Mister fancy-pants Hollyweird city boy, that our outhouses have TWO stories now!
The late, great Lewis Grizzard talked about that years ago (with air conditioning).
LOL!!!!
LOL!!!!
Hi Dave. I missed you. The body is only going to take a certain amount of abuse before it starts calling you some very rude names. You can try the wine thing. Hell, it might work for a while. And then it will probably slam you face first into a wall. If you do take up coffee, please make it the good stuff. Cheap booze I can deal with, good coffee is the elixir of life. And the Rosie pics? That there is some funny shit.
Thank you, Sandy. I'll keep everyone up-to-date on the wino "experiment." Personally, I'd be happy to just get through Thanksgiving/Christmas drunk. It's my favorite time of year and I prefer it in a happy haze.
I used to be REALLY into coffee. Ground my own beans and everything. So I may need to return to that if wine fails me.
I had two guys here doing some outside work and they were working hard. At one point I offered them coffee. I them asked them what kind of bean and went through the list of what I had available. They looked at me like I was crazy. One of the few things I'll spend extra on is good coffee. If I could spend more time in a happy haze, I would. Driving, power tools and such do not go well with happy hazes.
My problem with good coffee is Sweet and Low and milk in my coffee is all I need.
Makes expensive coffee a waste of money.
That works for my morning coffee, which is when I stick to plain, but decent Columbian beans. Later in the day is when I start concocting and a good bean is a must. And sometimes I just want a plain espresso, also demands a good bean. I have a friend that owns a coffee shop, she would argue that good coffee is never a waste of money.
Coffee will energize and focus you like nothing else. When I have done away with all other vices, I still must have coffee!
yes- but it will also cause- "can't stay asleepiness!"
Martyr Made / Daryl Cooper dropped your name briefly on the 10/14 episode of the J. Burden Show (a good stream; wide variety of guests, Burden is a natural, "transparent" interviewer). About 7:50 into that episode - "if you were in school and you were to say to the teacher, 'yeah I've been on the internet, I've been reading some David Cole, I don't believe the textbook about WWII,' you wouldn't just get corrected, unlike questioning WWI, you'd get in trouble."
Mentioning it as if I recall you'd noted Cooper leaned heavily on you while on Tucker but never cited you, and now this entry's about people referencing you. And it was funny to hear.
Oh man, thank you for telling me. Yes, very funny. And a little frustrating. But then again, what else is new?
I run in those circles mostly as a nobody, occasionally as an absurdist performance-art super-chatter. At worst they'd see my long follow history, etc. Might have to DM him, "bro, your hero David Cole is so impressed, bro." And see what happens. Hehehe.
LOL! Funny enough, that podcast proves the point of my recent rant: "Dave Cole - talked about, never allowed to talk for himself."