Great job per usual. I see the media has DEBOONKED the cat story the way they DEBOONKED the idea crime in NYC is out of control. Yeah, about that: Yesterday I was in Midtown (Herald Square) at roughly 3pm killing time before getting LIRR to Jones Beach to see a Megadeth concert when I heard some enraged lunatic behind me shouting "STOP FOLLOWING ME!" The dreadlocked ferel beast skitzo attacked me, grabbing my shoulder and shirt before I was able to shove this waste of life away and he fled. Tons of people in the area (no police in one of the busiest places in NYC BTW) and nobody paid any attention (and who can blame them). The scariest part was the knowledge that if this guy actually tried to do real damage and I fought back my reward for surviving would be spending the rest of my life in prison after the media scum "investigated" me and found I was a regime enemy who like bad thinkers who are BAD BAD BAD HITLER RAYSIST NAZI BAD BAD BAD. In short: The media are lying bastards.
Jeez! I'm REALLY glad you're okay, Mike. I'd hate for anything to happen to you. Just yesterday a friend and I were talking about how the best thing about L.A. is that most of us never have to mix with the scum if we don't want to. Nobody HAS to go Downtown, which is miles and miles from the Westside. Nobody HAS to go to Carson. Nobody HAS to go to the Venice Boardwalk (the South Bay beaches are way better). That's what scares me about NYC - being in close proximity to the loons in a city where leadership protects them like bears, except if they maul you, YOU get euthanized by the state.
So much of the country has declined into Third World Shithole levels of disgusting depravity. I won't go anywhere that I cannot legally carry a concealed firearm, and use it, if required!
Seriously, we cannot continue down this path, or it's got to be complete anarchy and murder!
It was Megadeth so of course it was great. They actually made significant improvements to the venue as well including replacing all the worn seats. But here was the highlight: before the show a guy warned people to not buy shirts from any bootleggers because the cops don't fuck around at Jones Beach. Apparently this is common knowledge to anyone who knows anything about the place. Well right after the show I exit and what greets me: a couple of Canadians selling bootlegs (again: RIGHT AT THE FRONT OF THE VENUE. They weren't even smart enough to go into the back of the lot to avoid detection). Right as I walk out a group of cops descend upon the imbecils, confiscate the stuff and arrest them. The one guy trying to run away was even more hilarious because Jones Beach is a fucking island and there was no chance at a getaway. After what happened earlier this made my goddamned night.
That was a nice, detailed answer, thanks. Which is what makes Dave's readers so great. Sounds like a good time was had by all. Except maybe the Canadian bootleggers. I probably would have enjoyed watching that.
Well, not to be a contrarian, but if I had to choose, I'd rather have the cops, preventing random people from being assaulted on the city's streets, versus busting Canuck bootleg Megadeath t-shirt hucksters!
"my reward for surviving would be spending the rest of my life in prison after the media scum "investigated" me and found I was a regime enemy who like bad thinkers who are BAD BAD BAD HITLER RAYSIST NAZI BAD BAD BAD." That's why I'm "Sonny Lopez" on here and X; my FB account under my real name is bad enough.
Once again, I'm not sure which is more enjoyable the column or the comments. Your description of Rainn Wilson almost made me cry. Damn good stuff and I really needed the laughs. Thank you, Dave.
Lots to digest here but I will say this: I have never understood the desire to handle or cuddle wild animals, be it a deadly snake, a chimp or a lion. Hard pass. Steve Irwin was a good man by all accounts, but he had to go and touch the giant stingray. RIP Steve.
Mastery over fear I get. What I don't get is stupidity. If you're afraid of snakes you're afraid of snakes, venomous or not. So, you handle a rat snake not one that will kill you. If you're afraid of chimps or lions you should probably just stay afraid. It's safer. BTW, what's the right price? And what would you handle for it?
Awhile back, the superintendent in nearby Duncanville had to resign after the local news followed him around to Asian massage parlors whilst he was on the clock.
What the heck is wrong with a massage when you are old and have sore muscles?
From the news article: "Condit said during the final time, he suffered a back injury while performing oral sex on her in the seat of a car." The one cat Haitians WONT eat.
By the way David, correct me if I am wrong, but isn't the #1 rule in television, to NEVER do Live TV with kids or animals? (I assume that includes live, deadly, reptiles?)
Poor you Mike!! Count your blessings! At least you didn't have to spend yesterday w/ woke work comrades like I did! I was horrible!! I may have to get drunk and watch The Civil War to wash the taste out!!!
Yay! You got the terminology right about herpetology!
Friends don't let friends free handle.
And Kristen was totally correct. The KRZ (Kentucky Reptile Zoo), one of the country's largest licensed venomous snake venom collection centers, routinely can milk hundreds of venomous snakes every day.
The dipshit that got bit routinely would post "antivenin is for pussies".
Then he got bit, and like a little bitch he went online BEGGING people to send taipan antivenin to the hospital he was at.
He's a Darwin nominee. Will he become a Darwin Award winner?
Here's an interview I did WITH a Euro-dweller! Maybe it might answer some of your questions.
https://gtkradio.com/davidcole-interview
Great White has reunited to record a charity record for Jeffrey Leibowitz: "Once Bitten, Twice Shylock".
Thankfully, Great White never played the Viper Room. They'd have tried to "smoke out" the snakes like they did at that Rhode Island club.
An indoor fireworks show is a bad idea, turns out
Leibowitz's mother's 911 call: "Help! Help! My son the doctor was bitten!"
LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It’s okay, he’s just oygenflagening
Variant of a joke I read in one of Florence King's books: it was a lifeguard and she's yelling "my son the doctor is drowning!"
Great job per usual. I see the media has DEBOONKED the cat story the way they DEBOONKED the idea crime in NYC is out of control. Yeah, about that: Yesterday I was in Midtown (Herald Square) at roughly 3pm killing time before getting LIRR to Jones Beach to see a Megadeth concert when I heard some enraged lunatic behind me shouting "STOP FOLLOWING ME!" The dreadlocked ferel beast skitzo attacked me, grabbing my shoulder and shirt before I was able to shove this waste of life away and he fled. Tons of people in the area (no police in one of the busiest places in NYC BTW) and nobody paid any attention (and who can blame them). The scariest part was the knowledge that if this guy actually tried to do real damage and I fought back my reward for surviving would be spending the rest of my life in prison after the media scum "investigated" me and found I was a regime enemy who like bad thinkers who are BAD BAD BAD HITLER RAYSIST NAZI BAD BAD BAD. In short: The media are lying bastards.
Jeez! I'm REALLY glad you're okay, Mike. I'd hate for anything to happen to you. Just yesterday a friend and I were talking about how the best thing about L.A. is that most of us never have to mix with the scum if we don't want to. Nobody HAS to go Downtown, which is miles and miles from the Westside. Nobody HAS to go to Carson. Nobody HAS to go to the Venice Boardwalk (the South Bay beaches are way better). That's what scares me about NYC - being in close proximity to the loons in a city where leadership protects them like bears, except if they maul you, YOU get euthanized by the state.
So much of the country has declined into Third World Shithole levels of disgusting depravity. I won't go anywhere that I cannot legally carry a concealed firearm, and use it, if required!
Seriously, we cannot continue down this path, or it's got to be complete anarchy and murder!
We're missing the most important part. How was the concert? (Glad you're okay)
It was Megadeth so of course it was great. They actually made significant improvements to the venue as well including replacing all the worn seats. But here was the highlight: before the show a guy warned people to not buy shirts from any bootleggers because the cops don't fuck around at Jones Beach. Apparently this is common knowledge to anyone who knows anything about the place. Well right after the show I exit and what greets me: a couple of Canadians selling bootlegs (again: RIGHT AT THE FRONT OF THE VENUE. They weren't even smart enough to go into the back of the lot to avoid detection). Right as I walk out a group of cops descend upon the imbecils, confiscate the stuff and arrest them. The one guy trying to run away was even more hilarious because Jones Beach is a fucking island and there was no chance at a getaway. After what happened earlier this made my goddamned night.
Amazing, isn't it? You can warn people all you want, "don't do that," but some morons just have to find out for themselves!
That was a nice, detailed answer, thanks. Which is what makes Dave's readers so great. Sounds like a good time was had by all. Except maybe the Canadian bootleggers. I probably would have enjoyed watching that.
Well, not to be a contrarian, but if I had to choose, I'd rather have the cops, preventing random people from being assaulted on the city's streets, versus busting Canuck bootleg Megadeath t-shirt hucksters!
"my reward for surviving would be spending the rest of my life in prison after the media scum "investigated" me and found I was a regime enemy who like bad thinkers who are BAD BAD BAD HITLER RAYSIST NAZI BAD BAD BAD." That's why I'm "Sonny Lopez" on here and X; my FB account under my real name is bad enough.
Once again, I'm not sure which is more enjoyable the column or the comments. Your description of Rainn Wilson almost made me cry. Damn good stuff and I really needed the laughs. Thank you, Dave.
My pleasure, Sandy!
Lots to digest here but I will say this: I have never understood the desire to handle or cuddle wild animals, be it a deadly snake, a chimp or a lion. Hard pass. Steve Irwin was a good man by all accounts, but he had to go and touch the giant stingray. RIP Steve.
Adrenaline, dopamine, mastery over fear?
Myself, I might do it for the right price...
Mastery over fear I get. What I don't get is stupidity. If you're afraid of snakes you're afraid of snakes, venomous or not. So, you handle a rat snake not one that will kill you. If you're afraid of chimps or lions you should probably just stay afraid. It's safer. BTW, what's the right price? And what would you handle for it?
The cat story is proving to have nine lives
LOL!
OMG !!!
Jorge hired as Grand Prairie superintendent, 3 months later he is suspended . . .
They found out about his film festival in Tijuana ?
https://texasscorecard.com/local/grand-prairie-isd-community-demands-transparency-about-superintendents-suspension/
LOL!!!
You fucked up his life, Dave !!!
I hope Jorge didn't sell his leaf blower.
Awhile back, the superintendent in nearby Duncanville had to resign after the local news followed him around to Asian massage parlors whilst he was on the clock.
What the heck is wrong with a massage when you are old and have sore muscles?
Not a damn thing.
Ought we withhold judgment at least until we find out what misconduct the man is accused of? HELL NO!
From the news article: "Condit said during the final time, he suffered a back injury while performing oral sex on her in the seat of a car." The one cat Haitians WONT eat.
LOL!!!!
See the sacrifice of the Persian kitten
See the deadly snake and the headless chicken
Take a sip from living red
Make it with the living dead
Wow! What a week!
By the way David, correct me if I am wrong, but isn't the #1 rule in television, to NEVER do Live TV with kids or animals? (I assume that includes live, deadly, reptiles?)
Well, it's okay as long as the worst that happens is the animal pees on you. That's charming. But free-handling a fatally-toxic snake? NOT charming!
Snake charming is charming. Getting vegetated by a snakebite, not so much
Dave,
This weekend has been rather melancholy and unfortunately the whole political system has made me even more cynical. It’s been a jingle jangle day.
Perhaps I shouldn’t have gotten day drunk yesterday and watched “Civil War.”
The best part of that movie was that most of the journalists died.
Poor you Mike!! Count your blessings! At least you didn't have to spend yesterday w/ woke work comrades like I did! I was horrible!! I may have to get drunk and watch The Civil War to wash the taste out!!!
Dave thanks for cheering me up (as usual!)
Any time!
Cat fricassee (and them Cold-ass fries),
Arsonist dogs,
Russian-hacked murderous Appalachians,
Mexican humping beans, and
Inland Taipan-bitten non-jittery Jews.
…
Teacher > “Now, go on and write an essay with all that, Buford!”
Buford > “I’m voting for Trump!”
Made my day! Thanks :)
My pleasure!
Just reread the piece and noticed you took my line and improved upon it.
Also I've come up with a solution to the flabby tabby: Feline AIDS.
I wouldn't have thought of that joke without you! Thanks.
Also, when you said "feline AIDS," I automatically heard the Debbie Downer sound, "meoooow meooooow!"
Yay! You got the terminology right about herpetology!
Friends don't let friends free handle.
And Kristen was totally correct. The KRZ (Kentucky Reptile Zoo), one of the country's largest licensed venomous snake venom collection centers, routinely can milk hundreds of venomous snakes every day.
The dipshit that got bit routinely would post "antivenin is for pussies".
Then he got bit, and like a little bitch he went online BEGGING people to send taipan antivenin to the hospital he was at.
He's a Darwin nominee. Will he become a Darwin Award winner?
To be honest, I saw the story first on your FB, and it was so interesting I looked it up. So I owe you one, Dave!
Hadn’t laughed this hard in a while, Dave. The Deliverance bit was hilarious. Millions of thanks.
Always my pleasure, my friend!