Funny enough, only two unsubscribes so far, and one of them sent me an angry self-righteous email about the Clapton joke, becoming a living parody of what I made fun of in the video.
Dave, I could never unsubcribe for two reasons. 1, I'm too lazy to push the button...I'd give Lebowski a run for his money. 2, the Venting of the Spleen is a skill one cannot learn; it's something one is born with. Most people who attempt it are posers who just come off as annoying whiners. You've elevated it to an art form that is both entertaining and edifying and, whether it's reading your column or watching these podcasts, I sense I'm in the (virtual) presence of greatness. Keep churning out the good stuff. Cheers
As a delivery driver who is a fan of Eric Clapton, Dawn Welles, and The Heart Attack (but not of Jack Mack -- he held The Heart Attack back from superstardom, IMHO) who suffers from Elephant Man Syndrome, I’d unsubscribe, but I have a lot on my plate
Ahhh my last post didn't come over from FB. Basically my theory is that Gwen Welles and "bill" were maybe character acting or prepping for a movie using a Truman Style scenario. The movie The Player could possibly fit this crazy conspiract theory?Maybe Bill knew the Branch Manager and asked him if he could play this out and they allowed the scene. Some guys who "cuck" thier gf's or wives have this fetish of knowing they have power over men by maybe getting men to beg or chase etc... I'm not a shrink but I played the role of Bull enough times to know some of the dudes are just secretly gay or bi and keep thier wives to thicken that beard. Hence the machetes and bike..... but under it all is just a sissy boy who likes being a sissy? From what you described you were stuck in a fantasy to help live out another fantasy that left you with nothing but a fantasy. It was weird but given you had Hollywood Cred aybe they put in the work to impress you?
Sometimes corporations use the exact same building plans to make identical buildings. The bank could have been a branch clone located very close to the first bank you went to. Or you experienced a glitch in the time space continuum right out of Back to the Future.
Your story about Erin is perfect material for the biopic directed by David Lynch I have in my head. You’re the castin pro, but I’m thinking that nebbish dweeb Eisenburg as young Cole, Kyle MacLachlan as David Irving, John Goodman as Ernst Zundel, and Stanley Tucci as Shermer (trailer line: “the only thing I like better than poodle-porn is black-on-black crime” as he drunkenly fondles a Peen and Teller she-nerd). We’ll get Sinise to play himself for the FOA parts. It’d be cool if you’d play Bill as a cameo.
I always love your impersonations. Confused millennial delivery boy and the nerd were hilarious. I really don't get the unsubscribing - weird! I also look forward to another movie talk...you know you were and still are the ONLY person to mention the incredible Phantom of the Paradise, which I flipping loved to pieces and told everyone about, thanks to you and only you. So THANK YOU. And yes, that soundtrack is amazing. So my take on your twilight zone experience with the lady: she had multiple-personality disorder aka DID as many actors do, and you met one of her alter identities. Bill sounds like a crime syndicate spook who was her handler. The bank job was a cover for something else, they moved him out, and told everyone to keep quiet, or else. Just my take. Keep it real Dave!
Thanks for the very kind comment; I promise at least one movies-only video this month! And I totally agree with you about Bill. I think the employees were absolutely told to publicly deny that he'd ever been there, though I wonder if maybe he embezzled or did something that exposed the bank's security flaws (this was, after all, the years of the S&L crisis). In the pre-Internet days, before websites that could archive staff, before people laid down "tracks" online, it was REALLY easy to just erase a guy entirely.
On IMDb's trivia page for Gwen Welles is says there was a documentary made about her battle with cancer and death. Have you seen this, David? It says she was diagnosed with cancer but "she opted not to take the conventional treatment route" -- which sounds like she was one of those Eastern medicine voodoo believers who thought they could eat enough fruit and burn incense and the tumor would magically go away. How bizarre. What a story. Teenage Dave wandering from teller to teller in that bank, utterly mystified, made me laugh. Anyway... RIP Gwen (if you really are deceased).
I know of the doc but I've never seen it. I've known some people who just give up battling cancer. In the early '90s my high school friend Wendy got diagnosed with a brain tumor. After years of chemo, she just gave up and was like "if I'm gonna die I'm gonna die" and she went to Mexico and drank for weeks. But FUCK if she didn't GET BETTER! She married, had two kids, and let herself get obese as a Zeppelin. She died in her sleep in 2014, of fatness (wrecked Zeppelin). Damndest thing; you beat cancer but not ribs and ice cream.
I found the trailer for this documentary. Looks bleak, I must say. She says here she "wants out of here" if the pain is too much. There really isn't anything more heartbreaking than seeing something struggling with their health and knowing they're dying. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t809dW8rdxY
Very harrowing to watch. Have you ever read Ambrose Bierce's short story Parker Adderson: Philosopher? It's about how bravado in the face of death can implode at the moment someone realizes there's no hope left. It's my favorite Bierce story.
Wow -- the power of booze and a "fuck-it" attitude! If I ever get that diagnosis (knock on wood I don't) but I wonder if I'd have the courage to be like your friend. (The eating ice cream part I could definitely manage, though.) But good for her to get more decades of life.
Yeah, I mean, in 1995 we were all working on our "what to say at the memorial tribute" speeches, and she made it to 2014. And I guess overeating is a better way to go than vomiting from chemo.
Oct 11, 2023·edited Oct 11, 2023Liked by David Cole
Jack Mack and the Heart Attack - lead singer Mark Campbell did the vocals for Michael J Fox singing "Johnny B Goode" in Back to The Future - little known fact (I am great fun at parties)
What an entertaining video! I watched outside while having a cigar and coffee and laughed my ass off. You tell a great story. Maybe bank manager Bill will hear it and come for a visit to tell you the rest of the story. Thanks.
Wait a minute. If I unsubscribe, I might get a FREE David Cole email? Very tempting, no doubt.
Anywho -- Happy Holyween, my dude!
Sincerely, your only leftist fan.
I had the same thought! An email from Dave, wow!
UNAUTHORIZED SI-SECTION
there are a lot of reasons we are pals, Dave
Funny enough, only two unsubscribes so far, and one of them sent me an angry self-righteous email about the Clapton joke, becoming a living parody of what I made fun of in the video.
Dave, I could never unsubcribe for two reasons. 1, I'm too lazy to push the button...I'd give Lebowski a run for his money. 2, the Venting of the Spleen is a skill one cannot learn; it's something one is born with. Most people who attempt it are posers who just come off as annoying whiners. You've elevated it to an art form that is both entertaining and edifying and, whether it's reading your column or watching these podcasts, I sense I'm in the (virtual) presence of greatness. Keep churning out the good stuff. Cheers
That comment made my day! Thanks!!!
As a delivery driver who is a fan of Eric Clapton, Dawn Welles, and The Heart Attack (but not of Jack Mack -- he held The Heart Attack back from superstardom, IMHO) who suffers from Elephant Man Syndrome, I’d unsubscribe, but I have a lot on my plate
That comment made my day!
Ahhh my last post didn't come over from FB. Basically my theory is that Gwen Welles and "bill" were maybe character acting or prepping for a movie using a Truman Style scenario. The movie The Player could possibly fit this crazy conspiract theory?Maybe Bill knew the Branch Manager and asked him if he could play this out and they allowed the scene. Some guys who "cuck" thier gf's or wives have this fetish of knowing they have power over men by maybe getting men to beg or chase etc... I'm not a shrink but I played the role of Bull enough times to know some of the dudes are just secretly gay or bi and keep thier wives to thicken that beard. Hence the machetes and bike..... but under it all is just a sissy boy who likes being a sissy? From what you described you were stuck in a fantasy to help live out another fantasy that left you with nothing but a fantasy. It was weird but given you had Hollywood Cred aybe they put in the work to impress you?
Sometimes corporations use the exact same building plans to make identical buildings. The bank could have been a branch clone located very close to the first bank you went to. Or you experienced a glitch in the time space continuum right out of Back to the Future.
Your story about Erin is perfect material for the biopic directed by David Lynch I have in my head. You’re the castin pro, but I’m thinking that nebbish dweeb Eisenburg as young Cole, Kyle MacLachlan as David Irving, John Goodman as Ernst Zundel, and Stanley Tucci as Shermer (trailer line: “the only thing I like better than poodle-porn is black-on-black crime” as he drunkenly fondles a Peen and Teller she-nerd). We’ll get Sinise to play himself for the FOA parts. It’d be cool if you’d play Bill as a cameo.
Maybe Jay Baruchel as young Cole?
I like it, and will go along with it if you back my idea of DiCaprio as John Voigt - with the makeup from his J. Edgar Hoover movie.
...We’ll have to tape his eyelids open, but it’ll look cool
And Adam Sandler as Irv Rubin
I always love your impersonations. Confused millennial delivery boy and the nerd were hilarious. I really don't get the unsubscribing - weird! I also look forward to another movie talk...you know you were and still are the ONLY person to mention the incredible Phantom of the Paradise, which I flipping loved to pieces and told everyone about, thanks to you and only you. So THANK YOU. And yes, that soundtrack is amazing. So my take on your twilight zone experience with the lady: she had multiple-personality disorder aka DID as many actors do, and you met one of her alter identities. Bill sounds like a crime syndicate spook who was her handler. The bank job was a cover for something else, they moved him out, and told everyone to keep quiet, or else. Just my take. Keep it real Dave!
Thanks for the very kind comment; I promise at least one movies-only video this month! And I totally agree with you about Bill. I think the employees were absolutely told to publicly deny that he'd ever been there, though I wonder if maybe he embezzled or did something that exposed the bank's security flaws (this was, after all, the years of the S&L crisis). In the pre-Internet days, before websites that could archive staff, before people laid down "tracks" online, it was REALLY easy to just erase a guy entirely.
It’s Daaaaaave!!!!!! You just made my whole October!!! 🎃
God bless ya! Thank you for the kind words!
On IMDb's trivia page for Gwen Welles is says there was a documentary made about her battle with cancer and death. Have you seen this, David? It says she was diagnosed with cancer but "she opted not to take the conventional treatment route" -- which sounds like she was one of those Eastern medicine voodoo believers who thought they could eat enough fruit and burn incense and the tumor would magically go away. How bizarre. What a story. Teenage Dave wandering from teller to teller in that bank, utterly mystified, made me laugh. Anyway... RIP Gwen (if you really are deceased).
I know of the doc but I've never seen it. I've known some people who just give up battling cancer. In the early '90s my high school friend Wendy got diagnosed with a brain tumor. After years of chemo, she just gave up and was like "if I'm gonna die I'm gonna die" and she went to Mexico and drank for weeks. But FUCK if she didn't GET BETTER! She married, had two kids, and let herself get obese as a Zeppelin. She died in her sleep in 2014, of fatness (wrecked Zeppelin). Damndest thing; you beat cancer but not ribs and ice cream.
I found the trailer for this documentary. Looks bleak, I must say. She says here she "wants out of here" if the pain is too much. There really isn't anything more heartbreaking than seeing something struggling with their health and knowing they're dying. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t809dW8rdxY
Very harrowing to watch. Have you ever read Ambrose Bierce's short story Parker Adderson: Philosopher? It's about how bravado in the face of death can implode at the moment someone realizes there's no hope left. It's my favorite Bierce story.
https://americanliterature.com/author/ambrose-bierce/short-story/parker-adderson-philosopher
Bierce is the man.
Wow -- the power of booze and a "fuck-it" attitude! If I ever get that diagnosis (knock on wood I don't) but I wonder if I'd have the courage to be like your friend. (The eating ice cream part I could definitely manage, though.) But good for her to get more decades of life.
Yeah, I mean, in 1995 we were all working on our "what to say at the memorial tribute" speeches, and she made it to 2014. And I guess overeating is a better way to go than vomiting from chemo.
Next time you are in Houston in November, David, we'll do Thanksgiving - Tex Mex style.
It's a deal!
Jack Mack and the Heart Attack - lead singer Mark Campbell did the vocals for Michael J Fox singing "Johnny B Goode" in Back to The Future - little known fact (I am great fun at parties)
I didn't know that! Thank you.
Great piece in TakiMag Mr. Cole. ("Sleuths and Consequences")
Thank you!
I wonder if Erin Doherty is related to Shannen Doherty, another beautiful and cancerous Hollywood lunatic
Might very well be! I better ask her now, before...you know...
What an entertaining video! I watched outside while having a cigar and coffee and laughed my ass off. You tell a great story. Maybe bank manager Bill will hear it and come for a visit to tell you the rest of the story. Thanks.
Thank you! I really appreciate the comment. And thanks for the beers!
Jack Mack and the Heart Attack!
https://www.jackmack.com/