Dave, I have a fool-proof plan for you to raise not just $10k but $100k.
First off, we need a photo of you looking shifty. So shifty that the ADL lurker paid to monitor this substack will take one look, spit out his coffee and scream, "Holy Moses! That is one SHIFTY Jew bastard!"
Next we need to buy advertisement on Unz, X and whatever other retard site Andrew Anglin is posting on. The advert will be that shifty photo with the text, "HOLOCAUST THIS KYKE!" As soon as you click the advert it takes them straight to the GiveSendGo. We update the GSG description to read, "Do you want to know THE TRUTH about the HOLOHOAX?! Do you want to see this SHIFTY JEW drink himself to death? Well, tell your mom to forget buying you another nerf helmet this month, DONATE NOW!!!"
Then, sit back, and just wait for the cash to come rolling in. Don't fight your audience. Just know how to best mobilize them.
No need to cut me a piece just a quick shout out in the dedication page will do! Already pitched in $15 so no need to thank me.
Shit, I should've downloaded more upbeat music to my phone! I think that somber Hulk theme may make the journey more depressing. Okay, I'm downloading this:
My friend, any help is greatly appreciated. But at the same time, I always like to stress that in the end, what matters is the morale. The humor and fun I get from my friends and readers. I'd never twist anyone's arm, and the laughs I've received from your comments are themselves a wonderful reward.
Oh hell yeah, you'll be gittin' a check in th' mail, the amount will be $1,001.01.
Conditioned upon: FODS [Friends Of Dave Society - not the aviation related FOD, I have to explain every last thing . . .] kick in enough, ($8998.99) to make the 10K goal.
I/we ain't big enough for a super big hat, 67" and not much chest hair, so I ordered a 3 1/2" brim, black, 100x felt one, it will outlive me. I've got a tan one that was my late Grandfather's, it is older than I.
I'm kind of envious of the whole nomadic-living-out-of-a-duffle-bag idea. I do not wish to offend but I am hoping that NOT having that wall color burn your retinas will be most beneficial to your mental health.
I have lived life this way. I call it "Spartan life."Living out of a ruck &/ or a duffle bag.
I'll tell you that it is liberating. When you're stripped down to the bare essentials to survive; you realize just how much unnecessary stuff there is in our lives
Not judging, just sharing.
Side note. Despite my Spartan lifestyle I ended up marrying a hoarder from a family of hoarders 😕 She hid that 💩 before we got married 😕
Good day to you too. Technically not a Sir, no worries. My skin is just a wee bit thicker than that. Believe me, I know how much crap people pile up. My husband had a hoarder uncle and while he wasn't a hoarder himself, he liked to accumulate. Plus we somehow inherited all of his crap when he passed. I like to purge. When my husband passed I downsized from a large Victorian to a small pre-fab. And I still think I have too much crap and am working on a purge right now. lol And I thank you for your service, Sir.
LOL!!!!! That color was chosen by those living here and caretaking my house during the two years (2003-2005) when I was nomading after faking my death. But I've gotten used to it.
There would be no getting used to it for me. My bathroom was a similar color when I bought this place and that was the first room to get painted. I think my color was brighter; it was blinding when the sun hit it. Took 4 coats of primer and paint to cover the nightmare.
LOL!!!!! It's my ability to adapt, which I flexed in 2003 when I faked my death and went on the road, that I'm counting on now. Shit, I recall one night in June 2003, I was in Morrow Bay looking for a hotel, but as summer was starting everything was booked, and I bartered with a motel owner to let me sleep in a utility closet. I think I slipped the guy $100. There was a cot and a urinal next door. So paint color has never been an issue for me.
So, all the other stuff aside, I am curious about how you managed to whittle your personal possessions down to a single duffel bag? I've had some periods of serious minimalism, but that's next level.
Care to elaborate on "what" made the cut, "what" didn't, and your thinking as you made those decisions?
Well, my estimable book collection is going into a far-off storage facility. I may never see it again, but at least I know it's preserved. Same with my parents' ashes and my family albums. But in terms of what I'm taking with me? Clothes, sheets (in case I stay at a place where the sheets on the bed stank like a LaQuisha whore), laptop, external hard drives containing the contents of my desktops (which will be in storage), tablet, chargers, keyboard (I can't type on a laptop keyboard; it throws my rhythm off), and a portable CD player and my 30-year CD collection.
It's the clothes that give the duffel the weight. I'm no clothes horse, but I do like to have a selection of shirts/pants.
Have you gotten that “totally liberated from all my stuff” feeling yet?
George Carlin, and others, were so right about the way our personal possessions “weigh us down”, but we never feel “the weight”, until we offload it all, and feel the lightness of not having to worry about anything more than what you can carry on your person.
Oh yeah. Because I did it before, in 2003 when I faked my death and bummed up and down the coast for 2 years. I carried everything in a duffel, and I never felt freer. That said, during that time my Israeli relatives were caretakering my house. So I knew I had a house, a base, to return to. This time's different, as I truly am a "rootless cosmopolitan."
Hi David. I'm really excited that you've nearly hit your target. I'm happy to hear that your GiveSendGo will be up for a bit longer. Like your regular Mike I am also a broke ass retail worker who needs to wait until payday to donate what I can. Much love from your biggest fan in Australia!
This reminds me of a guy I knew and a legendary NY character known as Fuzzy. He was a fixture at sporting events throughout the Northeast for decades and he essentially ended up homeless living on a park bench. He then got the bright idea to buy a Greyhound unlimited rides pass and basically lived on Greyhound busses going to games all over the country. The guy looked like Rasputin and was crazier than a shithouse rat. His greatest claim to fame is that he is in the final scene of the final episode of the non TV edited version of Sex And The City as he was walking to a Rangers game in the background.
Dave, I have a fool-proof plan for you to raise not just $10k but $100k.
First off, we need a photo of you looking shifty. So shifty that the ADL lurker paid to monitor this substack will take one look, spit out his coffee and scream, "Holy Moses! That is one SHIFTY Jew bastard!"
Next we need to buy advertisement on Unz, X and whatever other retard site Andrew Anglin is posting on. The advert will be that shifty photo with the text, "HOLOCAUST THIS KYKE!" As soon as you click the advert it takes them straight to the GiveSendGo. We update the GSG description to read, "Do you want to know THE TRUTH about the HOLOHOAX?! Do you want to see this SHIFTY JEW drink himself to death? Well, tell your mom to forget buying you another nerf helmet this month, DONATE NOW!!!"
Then, sit back, and just wait for the cash to come rolling in. Don't fight your audience. Just know how to best mobilize them.
No need to cut me a piece just a quick shout out in the dedication page will do! Already pitched in $15 so no need to thank me.
LOL!!!! Love it!
I'm guessing the bag is heavy because about half the weight is vodka?
LOL! You know me too well.
Good luck in your new chapter of your life. Hopefully, we'll see the second book soon.
https://youtu.be/Bb3rT6YDZdU?si=uYEU3kLUlVKF9A07
Yep my good friend, that'll be me in one week!
It's a great reference, but I like to imagine that your journey will be zany and upbeat, less mournful and somber!
Cheers!
Shit, I should've downloaded more upbeat music to my phone! I think that somber Hulk theme may make the journey more depressing. Okay, I'm downloading this:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uFLKgL9H2Oc
I got nothing against lollipops (at least, I didn't used to), but that song will make you go crazy! Nah, you need some classic travelin' music-
https://youtu.be/WJPM-M_Z65o?si=-RwYw37-hHtpTNws
CLASSIC! Jerry Reed was a legend. Yep, THAT'S the music I need.
I'd be wandering to this one:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iNwC0sp-uA4
OK Dave, I have a CD which is maturing Monday. If I want to I could put your GiveSendGo over your modest goal, $10,000, that ain't much.
My friend, any help is greatly appreciated. But at the same time, I always like to stress that in the end, what matters is the morale. The humor and fun I get from my friends and readers. I'd never twist anyone's arm, and the laughs I've received from your comments are themselves a wonderful reward.
Oh hell yeah, you'll be gittin' a check in th' mail, the amount will be $1,001.01.
Conditioned upon: FODS [Friends Of Dave Society - not the aviation related FOD, I have to explain every last thing . . .] kick in enough, ($8998.99) to make the 10K goal.
So all y'all need to get to donatin' !!!
BTW, I spent more than $1,100 on a custom made hat last week, won't be ready until September.
Hope it was ten gallon!
I/we ain't big enough for a super big hat, 67" and not much chest hair, so I ordered a 3 1/2" brim, black, 100x felt one, it will outlive me. I've got a tan one that was my late Grandfather's, it is older than I.
Hey dumbass, that's "we" who blew all that filthy lucre on a fuckin' hat.
Coulda crowdfunded the damn thang . . . SHIIIIIT.
Dave, send us your mailing address, you do have access to our e-mail addresses, or do you not ?
*There* you go!
A really fine piece, no shit...
I see a new Bukowski in the ascendant..
All David Cole wanted was some fucking lollipops!
https://youtu.be/lyRkoKTh6cs?si=UUJgTZgbsgWv166J
LOL!!!!
I'm kind of envious of the whole nomadic-living-out-of-a-duffle-bag idea. I do not wish to offend but I am hoping that NOT having that wall color burn your retinas will be most beneficial to your mental health.
Sandy & Myriad Mike-
Good day Sirs🍀
US military veteran. 2 x combat tours in the ME
I have lived life this way. I call it "Spartan life."Living out of a ruck &/ or a duffle bag.
I'll tell you that it is liberating. When you're stripped down to the bare essentials to survive; you realize just how much unnecessary stuff there is in our lives
Not judging, just sharing.
Side note. Despite my Spartan lifestyle I ended up marrying a hoarder from a family of hoarders 😕 She hid that 💩 before we got married 😕
Good day to you too. Technically not a Sir, no worries. My skin is just a wee bit thicker than that. Believe me, I know how much crap people pile up. My husband had a hoarder uncle and while he wasn't a hoarder himself, he liked to accumulate. Plus we somehow inherited all of his crap when he passed. I like to purge. When my husband passed I downsized from a large Victorian to a small pre-fab. And I still think I have too much crap and am working on a purge right now. lol And I thank you for your service, Sir.
LOL!!!!! That color was chosen by those living here and caretaking my house during the two years (2003-2005) when I was nomading after faking my death. But I've gotten used to it.
There would be no getting used to it for me. My bathroom was a similar color when I bought this place and that was the first room to get painted. I think my color was brighter; it was blinding when the sun hit it. Took 4 coats of primer and paint to cover the nightmare.
LOL!!!!! It's my ability to adapt, which I flexed in 2003 when I faked my death and went on the road, that I'm counting on now. Shit, I recall one night in June 2003, I was in Morrow Bay looking for a hotel, but as summer was starting everything was booked, and I bartered with a motel owner to let me sleep in a utility closet. I think I slipped the guy $100. There was a cot and a urinal next door. So paint color has never been an issue for me.
Great story.
Don’t forget to make a similar post on Twitter for the givesendgo. I will repost it. I know you will make it.
Thank you, my good friend! I'm definitely confident I will reach my modest goal.
Why God... why? Why? Why am I not yet a billionaire so I can offer D. Cole a home in exchange for a memoir of my average life? Why God... why?
So, all the other stuff aside, I am curious about how you managed to whittle your personal possessions down to a single duffel bag? I've had some periods of serious minimalism, but that's next level.
Care to elaborate on "what" made the cut, "what" didn't, and your thinking as you made those decisions?
It couldn't have been easy.
Well, my estimable book collection is going into a far-off storage facility. I may never see it again, but at least I know it's preserved. Same with my parents' ashes and my family albums. But in terms of what I'm taking with me? Clothes, sheets (in case I stay at a place where the sheets on the bed stank like a LaQuisha whore), laptop, external hard drives containing the contents of my desktops (which will be in storage), tablet, chargers, keyboard (I can't type on a laptop keyboard; it throws my rhythm off), and a portable CD player and my 30-year CD collection.
It's the clothes that give the duffel the weight. I'm no clothes horse, but I do like to have a selection of shirts/pants.
Have you gotten that “totally liberated from all my stuff” feeling yet?
George Carlin, and others, were so right about the way our personal possessions “weigh us down”, but we never feel “the weight”, until we offload it all, and feel the lightness of not having to worry about anything more than what you can carry on your person.
FREEDOM!!
Oh yeah. Because I did it before, in 2003 when I faked my death and bummed up and down the coast for 2 years. I carried everything in a duffel, and I never felt freer. That said, during that time my Israeli relatives were caretakering my house. So I knew I had a house, a base, to return to. This time's different, as I truly am a "rootless cosmopolitan."
Apart from an Israeli passport , are you eligible for any other passports ?
LOL! My dad was a Lower East Side Londoner, born & raised during the Blitz. But honestly, I ain't never leaving the U.S. Or L.A. I love this place.
Well, there's always an RV? At least you'd own it.
Well that would be great if I could fucking DRIVE!!!!!!
Ann is driving you.
>"Avoid the Hood"
>"Foundationals take precedence over Beans."
>"Steer clear of Golden Arches, please. They serve no baked beans there."
>” Mexicans never mastered archery. Let alone baking beans”
>” Look out! Daquan is pointing a Glock at us!”
>” He’s Glockfathered by the 14th Amendment.”
>” I was 14 when I did my first Latina (Ahem!!…Sicilian) cutie.”
> "Adios, LA."
Hi David. I'm really excited that you've nearly hit your target. I'm happy to hear that your GiveSendGo will be up for a bit longer. Like your regular Mike I am also a broke ass retail worker who needs to wait until payday to donate what I can. Much love from your biggest fan in Australia!
Much love back, my friend!
This reminds me of a guy I knew and a legendary NY character known as Fuzzy. He was a fixture at sporting events throughout the Northeast for decades and he essentially ended up homeless living on a park bench. He then got the bright idea to buy a Greyhound unlimited rides pass and basically lived on Greyhound busses going to games all over the country. The guy looked like Rasputin and was crazier than a shithouse rat. His greatest claim to fame is that he is in the final scene of the final episode of the non TV edited version of Sex And The City as he was walking to a Rangers game in the background.
https://nypost.com/2018/02/19/superfan-lived-to-love-the-new-york-city-sports-scene/
Good luck with your new house! I will pass the "Glory Hole thing, though...
Nice REM reference!