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Natalie's avatar

"The circle of anencephaly"

I'm stealing that

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Mike Carroll's avatar

Follow the advice of Norm: " When I die I am donating my body to science, preferably scientists working on bringing dead people back to life".

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Skip's avatar

The more you talk about Mandolyna, the more she sounds like the editor I had to moderate under. Absolutely no freakin' short-term or medium-term memory.

"What do you mean I shouldn't make X a regular contributor? They're a writing machine!!"

"Um, sir, you personally banned them after the Memorial Day fiasco where you had to interrupt your 12th hole scotch break to quell things."

"When was that?"

"Memorial Day. THIS YEAR."

"Shot a great game. And boy does their writing generate comments! And comments = ad revenue!"

"Sir, paid members don't see ads, and unpaid viewers don't see comments. Do you need us mods to sign you up for remedial math?"

"So, why'd we really ban this person? We can't go around banning everyone just because you got your panties in a twist."

"Because he was A) literally reposting the Protocols of the Elders of Zion, and B) because he was sending dick pics to "all the single ladies", and C) because he's a raving conspiracy loon, and D) he is an asshole."

No response for days....

"Look, I really need your advice. Do I hire this guy or not?"

"A;SLKGHAS;GHKAOWIGHGHIORWASGHO"

"What the hell kind of answer is that?"

"Me trying to break my fingers with my keyboard."

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David Cole's avatar

LOL!!!!!!!

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Biff's avatar
17hEdited

Trust funders always break daddy's toys. I can't tell you how many rich kid's I've known who have crashed one business after another that daddy set them up in, including the family trade that made them wealthy in the first place. I even knew one kid who was given two million dollars as a bar mitzvah gift. When he was eighteen he spent the money on hot dog stands. He thought he could compete with Nathan's or Sabrett or Papaya King because Los Angeles was not a hot dog town like New York and had no competition. He forgot about every other kind of street food. He blew all the money. I can only imagine what he's done now if he's inherited. If you can't turn a profit on one hot dog stand, you can't do it on a thousand hot dog stands. Some people are just not cut out for work, especially when they're brought up in a forest of money trees.

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AgataDeux's avatar

This is amazing TBH

A friend of mine in LA used to take in strays/befriend lost souls

A homeless guy he bought McDonalds for a few times inherited I think $2 mill from his father

He gave $100k each to three much younger women he had crushes on. (One is an actress who books a lot of commercial work but complains about being broke on her social all the time.)

Instead of buying a duplex w/a lot of money down and renting out half for near-guaranteed income forever, he got a room at a 4 star hotel for a year

One of his homeless ‘friends’ threatened to kill himself so he got a room at the hotel for him, too.

Just the stupidest shit ever. He tried to become a comedian but got banned from one club where he was taking classes.

Eventually after about a year, he became homeless again and is now in some like elders program because he’s over 50 and getting fast tracked for housing

Literally over a million fell into his lap and he still was just homeless after that.

Some people don’t fall through cracks they pull up the floorboards and tunnel out.

The weirdest thing to me is these 3 actresses/comedians he gave $100k each to (they weren’t even dating him: this was his move to make them fall in love with him and START dating him). None of them like met with a financial advisor. All broke again. The whole situation was just stupid.

My friend was still trying to help him claim the life insurance about a year ago. The $2 mill was just like a lump sum inheritance not even the insurance money

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Biff's avatar

It's not how much money you make, but how much you can keep. I've known people who make money hand over fist but still cry poverty because they can't stop overspending. Yet, I've also known people who make far less but have more money because they don't spend, especially on stupid shit like starlet bimbos and luxury cars. The same goes for inheritance, about the easiest kind of money there is, if you're lucky enough to get it. But are you smart enough to keep it? That's the question. For the most part, the inheritance class blows it. What happens with the multi-generational wealthy is at a certain point they decide it's crude to talk about money, so they don't. You would see this in the old WASP networks in the northeast. Over the years the money whittles away till you're left with nothing but an old WASP in penny loafers with a forty-year-old Mercedes in the driveway and no food in the fridge because cooking was never a thing for a class that hired kitchen help for generations.

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Brian P Henry's avatar

The IQ profile of people who would have Z Man as a cult object would be worthy of study by Steve Sailer.

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David Cole's avatar

LOL!!! Indeed.

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Kelly Harbeson's avatar

"When your beard is both Hatfield and McCoy, you're defined by internal strife" is too good a line to throw away so early in into the article. But, hey! I'm just a reader that couldn't write my way out of a wet paper bag.

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Aaron Moser's avatar

please don’t white knight for me.

Don't worry David. Knowing you you probably are gonna die in some very bizarre way so we are gonna be to busy laughing at your death. Call us assholes all you want but if we actually were, we would wait until after you died to laugh. We are giving you fair warning now

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David Cole's avatar

LOL!!!!!!!

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Ricardo's avatar

"You know like uh, you do a thing and that's what you are."

RE: "Plagiarism is Plagiarism". Having been in the Printer Ink business for so long, you copy the fuck out of stuff!

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David Cole's avatar

LOL!!!!!!!!!

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Betsy's avatar

Oh my goodness, Mr. Cole. I followed you and I stick with you because mostly you write so intelligently and amusingly that I just look the other way when (IMO) you play too rough. But now I am ashamed of myself because after reading all those vile comments - I don't think I've ever seen so much ugliness in one place - honestly, I don't know how you can shrug them off and move on and write charming funny essays, ever again. I am now in the "you punch them right in the face then do it again harder" camp. My God. I don't know how people can be so horrible and live with themselves.

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David Cole's avatar

Thank you, Betsy. I honestly just don't let those comments bother me. The only people whose opinion matters to me are those I personally know and care about. But these ugly online trolls? It's just amusing to me.

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Just Phyne's avatar

I am stealing this.

"Imagine a world in which every plumber, instead of knowing how toilets work, instead responded to calls for assistance with “but how does the waste leave the bowl? Is the tank really needed for that? Or is something else at play? Maybe a giant grouper is in the pipes sucking down the waste! Can you prove it ISN’T a grouper? I can’t fix your toilet but I can EXPAND YOUR MIND with my qwestchins, and in the long run, that’s more important.”

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Ricardo's avatar

"Holocaust Denial: A Plumber's Perspective"

Set up a GiveSendGo, and Dave will turn that paragraph into a book.

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David Cole's avatar

LOL!!!!

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Harshkumar's avatar

I do not own a website, nor do I edit one. If I did, I can assure you I wouldn't rehire some fucker who I had banned because I forgot I had banned the sumbitch.

On another note:

I'm going to tell those dickheads on X that as an Ashkenazi, you are simply too bright for them.

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Skip's avatar

Speaking from experience here: Good websites are expensive to set up and run, and require constant futzing to maintain. Often, the people who want to start a website lack the funds to do so, and so have to go begging to others who have the cash, and try to convince said investors that the site will really return a profit... someday.

Now sometimes the visionary also has the chops to actually run his dream site, but very often while he's got the concept right, he's clueless about the day to day, and then his investor (who is really the owner) steps in because after 2 years he expects a return - something more than dryer line and more IOUs. The problem with the owner is that while he understands money, he doesn't understand the product (the site), but DOES understand cash flow, and that usually means ads, and ads pay better when there's more site activity (and let me tell you, dumpster fires look REALLY ACTIVE to owners).

But the owner only cares so long as he's seeing a return, and very often the site is at best a tertiary investment (it doesn't even rise to the level of a hobby). If he's wise (and wise ≠ smart), he'll hire a manager to run the visionary and only occasionally intervene.

But these guys are not often wise, and have egos like Trump's, so they think they're always the smartest person in the room or the forum. So they'll micro-manage the dumbest things, neglect the stuff that keeps people engaged, but then shirk making decisions and disappear for long periods. They expect the staff to respond pronto, but think nothing of ignoring things for weeks on end if they're bored, or their "real" business has priority.

I dealt with this for years as a volunteer forum moderator. I was involved day to day, but the owner was not. And he delegated much to the CTO, who was a temperamental prick who undermined us constantly. The owner would ban people for good reason, then 6 months later unban them and wonder why all the dumpster fires. We kept meticulous records of all the crap we had to fix - the boss rarely read them.

Meanwhile, the site bled paid members until the owner finally sold it off. By that time, though, I had myself long since quit too.

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Harshkumar's avatar

Not at all surprising - good reply.

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Gina Nelson's avatar

Pretty pathetic if a guy like Z man is your hero.

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Bill Fenner's avatar

I don't believe in trigger warnings, but I must say I needed one before I scrolled down to see that photo of Michael Berryman. Please, Dave, some of us are sensitive especially when we eat dinner as we read your Substack!

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Eric Werner's avatar

I saw him speak at a horror convention once. He's actually a really cool guy, and an amazing horror and science fiction actor.

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imbroglio's avatar

The Z man was no fan of Jews but he had little use for Jew Bashers. He imagined that Jews were smarter than other people and were tribal, two of the less harmful stereotypes. The ((( ))) bashing in the comment section was sophomoric. And Z had no use for Fuentes or Queen Candace.

I'd like to commend Steve Tucker for his piece of today's Takimag. How do you contact him or his editors? And who's doing The Week That Perished? It's goofy and lacks your chops.

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imbroglio's avatar

I should add that Z was a big time admirer of Paul Gottfried.

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AgataDeux's avatar

My observation would be that Jews value good grades/book smarts as a culture, and they communicate.

Christians value suffering. I have weird cousins, Catholic, who sent me a saints medal during a bad time in my life when I was young. No advice, no material help, just a trinket. These are people I always helped, and was nice to, even though they’re kind of weird. Was left feeling kind of scammed and looked down on. Like oh I did thousands of hours of helping you but I can’t sleep on the couch for a night when I’m in trouble? And they don’t even get it. They would still call me when I lived in LA & try to ask me for favors, and I was just like…well, no. You can’t actually be serious.

Jews OTOH if you’re in trouble? They’ll tell you who’s hiring, help you prep for the interview, lend or flat out give you money. They’ll have you over to dinner & introduce you to people they know who are movers and shakers. Introduce you to their single friends if you’re lonely. They live for the here & now (not a far off heaven) and they communicate. They look out for their family & friends in practical ways, not just thoughts & prayers.

Christians are like ‘go on a pilgrimage, hole up in a cave and worry for a while, I swear I’ll pray for you (maybe)’ but they won’t actually help you if you need help. Jews actually look out for the people they care about.

Oh and their moms pressure them to pay attention in school. They have social pressure to put effort into being smart. That’s basically the only difference IMO; it’s all mindset stuff. You can just decide to act that way & if you do it’s uncanny how things will just fall into place in your life.

If you’re in some kind of trouble pretend you’re a Jew or a Korean then just do what they’d do. Like really, it will not fail you. School, family, look out for each other: that’s all you gotta do.

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Negrero's avatar

Dave, those photos of nukes going off in LAs liberal West side look great!... As for the White Knight attacks, I noticed them too in assorted sites like our beloved Unz.

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Ricardo's avatar
2dEdited

I noticed the Daniel Ross nonsense in his post...dude, he just said he's not scared of threats!

As you've said so many times, truth-seeking is not in their path. What a bunch of losers.

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Texas Khaan's avatar

Dave, you are on top of your game, makin' me laugh like a madman while overlooking beautiful tsaagan nuur (White Lake). I had to go on a quest for cell service, which was successful up on a hillside, where Unitel's tower is visible. A quest for Z-Man's chin was unsuccessful . . .

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David Cole's avatar

LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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